I am financially screwed. I really need advice

[tiredandunoriginal]

I have never been bad with money. I’m not well off at all but I moved out at 18 after saving hard for a deposit. I’ve lived in various places and I have never been late on rent or bills. For a few years I constantly had above £5,000 in savings.

I was in a relationship during this time but in the last couple of years my ex lost his job and just didn’t bother looking for a new one. I had to pay everything alone and used up all my savings to support ourselves and him. He then cheated on me, and left. I couldn’t afford the rent any longer so moved to a cheaper place. I ended up having to take a loan out to support myself. Since then I’ve constantly been in debt. I’ve always been self-employed but for a long time was PAYE, I have a chronic illness and so when I had to go of sick/have operations I didn’t get any sick pay. I then ended up taking out a large overdraft and am constantly stuck in it. I feel like such a failure now and I hate how I’ve borrowed so much money.

After getting pregnant I decided to move closer to my family with my partner because my mental health was suffering and I needed support. I couldn’t move in with them because they don’t have the space. For a while I was doing okay, I even managed to get out of my overdraft and save £4,000 for rent stability after having my baby.

When I had my baby I went on maternity for a few weeks and my partner wasn’t working for a few weeks to support me because I had quite bad mental health. I didn’t qualify for a self-employment grant due to having been PAYE. I couldn’t afford to stay on maternity so decided to start working again. I’m a writer and do many good money when I get commissioned and have a few long-term relationships with editors so get frequent work. However I’m constantly having to wait for invoices to be paid so I’m always in my overdraft until I get paid and then it goes on bills.

My partner is working part time so that we don’t have to pay for childcare. I am the higher earner so he has DS when I work and vice versa.

I am working as much as I physically can while dealing with my mental health and having a new baby (he’s 17 weeks now).

But I just can’t get out of this debt, and my anxiety is horrendous right now because I’m constantly worrying about rent. I can’t move to a cheaper place because I can’t afford another deposit!

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on this? I’m going to include a breakdown of my bills in case that helps.

Rent: £950
Council tax: £180
Car insurance: £140
Loan repayment: £150
Car finance (I took this out when I was financially stable and could afford it): £130
Electric/gas: £62
TV licence: £11
Water: Not sure as they got our water bill wrong
Internet: £22
Phone bill: £50

I got declined CBT on the NHS so I’m having to pay £70 a week for that too, and £30 a week therapy. These are absolutely vital to me as I am struggling so much that I honestly don’t think I’d be able to work without it.

I’ve stopped paying for things like Netflix and amazon. Phone/finance was taken out when I could afford it.

Bar these things I rarely spend money on myself and any money I do have leftover goes on things for my baby.

If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful, anything I can check prices on, debt advice, things I could cancel, anything like that?

Thank you

If you can't get rid of your car, then get rid of partners car? Then at least it reduces the running costs of one car (even if saving isn't as high, its still one cars tax, insurance AA/RAC and servicing/repairs costs)

Have you looked at online CBT? I was referred by my GP (it was called Silver Cloud) so you can keep up the therapy, then you could maybe pay for the face-to-face option once or twice a month, to cut down what you are paying out?

Why was my thread reported?

@tiredandunoriginal don't take it personally. Threads with financial problems being discussed always get reported as there were some bad situations where money was lent/offered and it turned out to be a scam.

I think that everyone who has given you advice, particularly in such depth, is confident that you are asking for advice and not for money/loans.

Money Savings Expert Debt Free Wannabe board as recommended by PP is absolutely the place for something like this.

Car finance is always tricky because if they take the car back mid contract you could end up still having to pay the finance on a car you no longer have. So please check what you signed up for and if necessary seek (free) advice CAB or similar.

I am presuming you get Child Benefit. Are you claiming or have checked your eligibility for any other benefits or tax credits?

When does you loan agreement end?

@FaceTheRaven80

Hi Op, I would also say try claiming PIP, on physical and mental health grounds. I have bipolar and I successfully claimed PIP - don't forget, it's not just the condition that impacts your daily life, it's the treatment/medication. Think about drowsiness, sedation, lack of concentration etc www.benefitsandwork.co.uk is a brilliant forum which has lots of useful guides on how best to write your claim.

Exactly the point I made above.

You need to look in detail at the PIP form and see where you could gain points.

Benefitsandwork forum do very detailed guides taking you step by step through each question getting you to think about your condition and how it relates to the form, making suggestions.

Does OCD, anxiety, IBD for example make getting around on your own difficult?

Re accessing therapy / CBT - go to your local PALS. I can well believe it, but it's not right you are falling between the cracks of different services parameters. PALS should force them to come up with a solution for you.

Oh and when you go to PALS, give them a financial breakdown so they can see you are spending £100 per week on therapy and only have £13 per week to feed you and your baby, otherwise there may be an attitude within services (not PALS - they are great) that if you are paying you must be able to afford it.

Look in to claiming PIP, with your bowel condition, Bipolar & OCD you may be able to get enough points to claim the enhanced mobility to get a motability car which would mean you can get rid of the car payments, if you qualify for the care element, your partner may be able to claim carers allowance dependent on his earnings. Have you looked at claiming employment & support allowance, depending if you have enough NI contributions you may be able to claim the contributory benefit.

My comprehensive cover car insurance is more than that, with 10 years no claims bonus! I paid £212 a few weeks ago after shopping around (was quoted over £300 by previous company).

However, I live in a flat, park in a residents car park, and my work involves parking on the street... That probably hikes it up a good chunk. I'd be thrilled if I got my insurance for £140!

zing That's per month not for the whole year!

@zingally per month? Mine is per month

Is there any way of getting therapy slightly cheaper (I'm thinking booking a course rather than individual sessions sort of thing)?

Double check you can't get cheaper internet and utilities - doesn't sound like you're over paying to me but worth checking it. Check your food bill as well.

See if you and partner can go down to one car between you - that could save you a lot of money if you could.

@110APiccadilly The woman I am seeing is a specialist in the type of OCD and it is very rare to find. She is actually cheaper than most I’ve seen. But I have a phone call with my psychiatrist this afternoon so I’m going to speak to him about things then.

Have spoken to DP about car and he said he’ll think about it!

For people saying just hand the car back - this is often only available if you've paid off 50% of the vehicle, so could be 3 years time for example that you're tied in.

Hi OP.

First things first. Breathe. Make a cup of tea. It's not as bad as you think. Honestly. I was where you are five years ago.

The very first thing you need to do is grab three months worth of bank statements, a notebook and several different coloured pens.

Highlight in one colour everything essential. That's your rent, food, council tax, heat and water, and in your case, therapy. Make a note of these.

In another colour highlight the things you really need but could live without in a pinch. Car, internet, phone, etc. Make a note.

In another colour highlight the little treats or cash taken out. That's your takeaway coffees, haircuts, etc. You might not think you spend much on these but it adds up a lot. Make a note.

Now you have a true picture of your finances you need to take a deep breath and phone the people you owe money to. Explain your situation and ask for help. There is no shame in this, you will not get told off. The people at the companies are generally nice and will help you. They might agree to freeze interest, or lower your monthly bill to help out in the short term.

Obviously please take advice, I am not a financial adviser and am not qualified as such, but I found that a consolidation loan from the bank worked wonders. Instead of paying out over £600 a month on debts I consolidated, paid back the many outstanding debts and just paid the bank one fee of £230 a month.

Good luck. You'll be fine.

Why do you need your DP to think about the car?
Check out how soon you can return it/sell it, see if you can cancel your insurance midterm and get a partial refund if you register it as off the road.
Alternatively if you are tied in for a while your DP gets rid of his car and drives yours instead.
You've told us you don't drive it so I don't understand why either of you is dragging your feet on it?

What kind of phone have you got?!

Does your partner not share the rent? If he was paying half then you'd be in a way, way better situation.

Some therapists offer a pay what you can or low income scheme, so that might be worth looking in to? Or a Skype therapist who charges less because they don't have to pay for an office?

In the short term, I would just suggest that you keep talking to your bank and keep a conversation going, because it's when you ignore them that things start to go wrong. Check your bank account every day, accept that you're in debt and don't hide from it - from personal experience that doesn't go well!

Because I can’t get rid of my car as I haven’t paid 50% off. So it would be DP’s car, and he said he wants to think about it @Palavah.

I have an iPhone 11, which I got a contract for before I was in this situation @WitchesGlove.

That’s a bit misleading, OP, as iPhone 11s were only released last September. I’m not saying that to give you a hard time but I do think you’re in a bit of denial.

OP - for therapy have you tried via your HV? As you're a new mother you'll be high on the list. I'm pregnant and receiving free CBT as a precaution to having a bad MH episode, recommended by midwife. Worth pushing again.

It sounds like your partner needs to contribute a lot more. He's only earning £700 per month? Surely he can do more?

Not money related, but can I just ask if you're taking hormonal contraception? Only you mentioned poor mental health after baby and this can be caused /exacerbated by hormonal contraception, has happened to a lot of people I know and a study said mini pill and mirena were the worst for this.

So your partner gets rid of his car then, reducing all the associated costs, thats a start isn't it? He then uses your car (that you haven't used for months