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I am financially screwed. I really need advice

264 replies

tiredandunoriginal · 10/08/2020 18:03

I have never been bad with money. I’m not well off at all but I moved out at 18 after saving hard for a deposit. I’ve lived in various places and I have never been late on rent or bills. For a few years I constantly had above £5,000 in savings.

I was in a relationship during this time but in the last couple of years my ex lost his job and just didn’t bother looking for a new one. I had to pay everything alone and used up all my savings to support ourselves and him. He then cheated on me, and left. I couldn’t afford the rent any longer so moved to a cheaper place. I ended up having to take a loan out to support myself. Since then I’ve constantly been in debt. I’ve always been self-employed but for a long time was PAYE, I have a chronic illness and so when I had to go of sick/have operations I didn’t get any sick pay. I then ended up taking out a large overdraft and am constantly stuck in it. I feel like such a failure now and I hate how I’ve borrowed so much money.

After getting pregnant I decided to move closer to my family with my partner because my mental health was suffering and I needed support. I couldn’t move in with them because they don’t have the space. For a while I was doing okay, I even managed to get out of my overdraft and save £4,000 for rent stability after having my baby.

When I had my baby I went on maternity for a few weeks and my partner wasn’t working for a few weeks to support me because I had quite bad mental health. I didn’t qualify for a self-employment grant due to having been PAYE. I couldn’t afford to stay on maternity so decided to start working again. I’m a writer and do many good money when I get commissioned and have a few long-term relationships with editors so get frequent work. However I’m constantly having to wait for invoices to be paid so I’m always in my overdraft until I get paid and then it goes on bills.

My partner is working part time so that we don’t have to pay for childcare. I am the higher earner so he has DS when I work and vice versa.

I am working as much as I physically can while dealing with my mental health and having a new baby (he’s 17 weeks now).

But I just can’t get out of this debt, and my anxiety is horrendous right now because I’m constantly worrying about rent. I can’t move to a cheaper place because I can’t afford another deposit!

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on this? I’m going to include a breakdown of my bills in case that helps.

Rent: £950
Council tax: £180
Car insurance: £140
Loan repayment: £150
Car finance (I took this out when I was financially stable and could afford it): £130
Electric/gas: £62
TV licence: £11
Water: Not sure as they got our water bill wrong
Internet: £22
Phone bill: £50

I got declined CBT on the NHS so I’m having to pay £70 a week for that too, and £30 a week therapy. These are absolutely vital to me as I am struggling so much that I honestly don’t think I’d be able to work without it.

I’ve stopped paying for things like Netflix and amazon. Phone/finance was taken out when I could afford it.

Bar these things I rarely spend money on myself and any money I do have leftover goes on things for my baby.

If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful, anything I can check prices on, debt advice, things I could cancel, anything like that?

Thank you

OP posts:
Floppyflopflop · 10/08/2020 21:54

PIP isn’t income assessed. You should be able to claim it, worth having a look at a form at least and see what you ‘score’. Some questions are about mobility, but I work with people who have mental health issues who claim it. It’s more about how things have an effect on your daily life. Worth a look 👍🏼

Good luck with everything and keep going, you’re doing a great job 💐

time4anothername · 10/08/2020 21:56

have you tried looking into a personal health budget as you have a number of complex conditions? They are hard to get but worth a fight. Not uncommon for people to use it for therapy.
www.england.nhs.uk/personal-health-budgets/what-are-personal-health-budgets-phbs/
Your mental health Trust are shameful for refusing you therapy with the ridiculous excuse that your bipolar might affect your OCD treatment. A well qualified professional will know how to monitor for a manic episode or depression during treatment.

With regards to PiP, have you asked for a support appointment with CCUK for the application form, they will talk it through with you? Also don't forget that your incontinence does affect your mobility, you might be able to walk on your legs but you can't walk far while your bowel is leaking. Then you can additionally ask a mental health advocate to support you with completing the parts relevant to your mental health.

Also, as others have said, definitely talk to the debt charities about possibilities for the loan.

Good luck.

mellicauli · 10/08/2020 22:03

My husband is self employed and I am an employee.

The fact that he is the main earner is problematic for all the reasons you say ( erratic work, bills not paid for moths). It is a decent earner in times if plenty but difficult in a downturn and rather stressful. With a baby and health problems, you really aren’t doing yourself any favours arranging your life like this.

Ideas to consider:

Are you claiming tax relief on proportion of your council tax, Rent, electricity, water etc? (Google it)

Could you get a part time job so you have some guaranteed income each month the do more lucrative contract work the rest of the time? Would you Consider doing something other then writing? Writing is such a dream profession for many that it is not well paid.

Could you do a course on CBT? I know people who do counselling practise on each other maybe CBT is the same? You can probably write about it too? Make some great contacts? Maybe pay for it with a loan?

justasmalltownmum · 10/08/2020 22:07

Keep the therapy.

Change the phone plan. You can get a plan for £8 these days.

Allthebestusernameshavegone · 10/08/2020 22:12

Op, if you’re not using your car at the moment, can you declare it SORN? You then won’t need to pay car insurance.
You can take it off SORN when you’re in a better position x

FaceTheRaven80 · 10/08/2020 22:17

Hi Op, I would also say try claiming PIP, on physical and mental health grounds. I have bipolar and I successfully claimed PIP - don't forget, it's not just the condition that impacts your daily life, it's the treatment/medication. Think about drowsiness, sedation, lack of concentration etc www.benefitsandwork.co.uk is a brilliant forum which has lots of useful guides on how best to write your claim.

FaceTheRaven80 · 10/08/2020 22:18

Also yes re continence - if you can't work out of the home because of your IBD that's very much limiting your mobility.

SoddingWeddings · 10/08/2020 22:26

Have a look on here: facebook.com/help4UP for practical support on applying for PIP. They are a great and knowledgeable group. You don't claim based on a single ill healthier condition if you have several - the IBD is likely to be a major element, but don't down play the OCD and it's effect on your life.

Look closely at the descriptors for each element, and get help filling in the forms. You'll need letters from Drs if you aren't under onging treatment, your counsellor can also help with that.

It's a bitch of a process, I'm not going to lie, but thenheavier you front load, the better of tends to work out.

The descriptors include continence, travelling, engaging with people face to face etc so you'd be surprised what is actually covered.

FaceTheRaven80 · 10/08/2020 22:26

I also had the exact same problem as you accessing CBT - I was too "complex". But I developed postnatal anxiety and was referred to IAPT CBT for that reason.

CaptainVanesHair · 10/08/2020 22:31

OP, I’m assuming you’re a journalist but do you have any copywriting experience? I’ve just seen how your mum is a web designer - could you possibly work together on an offering for start ups? Or you could offer blog packages? I’m just thinking of ways you could increase your income as well as all the great suggestions for how you can reduce outgoings.

I completely sympathise - also have IBD, plus the arthritis that goes with it and go into mental health crisis AND have the same job as you, with the same financial worries. It can be very easy to slip into a pattern where everything is one big mess, especially when in flare. It seems like everything is stacked against you.

Happy for you to DM if you want to chat about anything Flowers

theprincessmittens · 10/08/2020 22:36

I'm bipolar, and the first therapy offered after referral from my GP was CBT.

tiredandunoriginal · 10/08/2020 22:37

@CaptainVanesHair I don't unfortunately :( And you have IBD and are a journalist too? I wonder if we know each other...

OP posts:
FlorrieMango · 10/08/2020 22:41

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear about your financial difficulties. Things will definitely get better soon Flowers

www.webuyanycar.com/guides/selling-and-buying-cars/can-i-sell-a-car-with-outstanding-finance/

I sold my car (whilst still on PCP) through we buy any car (Tunbridge Wells branch). They were fantastic!! There was a little bit of negative equity and an admin fee to pay which totalled under £400. But by selling saved me £300 each month for the insurance and finance payments.

I hope this might be of use. Grin

Namechange2020onceagain · 10/08/2020 23:01

This is an old PDF and probably is not up to date but it will give you an idea of what things you need give details for in your pip assessment.

www.buckshealthcare.nhs.uk/Downloads/Patient-leaflets-gastroenterology/Gastro%20inflammatory%20bowel%20disease/PIP-guide.pdf

Definitely look at the benefits and work forum, they have the most up to date information.

Also please don't be put off if you are turned down for the pip. Most claims are rejected in the first instance. Please ask for a Mandatory Reconsideration, which will also turn you down. You will then be able to take your claim to tribunal. These are the usual hoops you have to jump through but I think the latest figures for successful tribunal was around 70%. Time scale is very slow, usually months. Try not to let it stress you out, you have nothing to lose so you may as well go for it. Good luck.

You have been given some great advice. Shop around for utilities and insurance and make an account on one of the cashback sites (topcashback or quidco) you can save a lot of money by just clicking through them.

Untune your TV and fill out the declaration that you no longer need a licence. You can watch most stuff online now anyway.

www.tvlicensing.co.uk/cs/no-licence-needed/about.app

I would also keep the therapy. If you feel it is helping you 100% keep at it.

Have you had your B12 levels and vitamin D checked? This can sometimes cause low mood.

Congratulations on your baby. Wish you all the best. Flowers

jessycake · 10/08/2020 23:01

I'm surprised you don't get PIP for Bipolar, I have a relative that does . Don't be too hard on yourself you have done well with all you have to cope with , and you will get on your feet again x

user1486131602 · 10/08/2020 23:02

Contact MIND they can help and advise you with your health, home, debts etc. Might you be entitled to any benefits? MIND can also help with that.

Good luck

Hamm87 · 10/08/2020 23:04

I am puzzled your joint income comes to 2700ish a month and bills including therapy is just under 2100 that 600 left a month for food and fuel and save

Sleepingboy · 10/08/2020 23:15

Have you checked if you are entitled to universal credit? Surely that's the first thing you should do. You should get some money that way.

Elieza · 10/08/2020 23:30

I agree with what @Piffyonarockbun said. I also know someone who did this

Check your car finance paperwork. There will likely be a clause that says after you pay off 50% of it that you can give the car back to the finance company. You no longer own the car. You no longer have any debt about it. End of. Easy. No worries or hassle about selling it when on finance.

RangeTesKopeks · 10/08/2020 23:41

Hi OP, sorry to hear about everything you’ve been going through Flowers have you spoken to Citizens Advice (either by phone/email, due to lockdown, or visited your local branch if in-person advice has resumed?) Their advisers are incredibly knowledgeable about claiming PIP and also how to ensure you get the financial support you need and are entitled to. Also, Stepchange is a national charity that is brilliant for helping people recover from debt-related situations - have you contacted them?

MummytoCSJH · 11/08/2020 00:14

God people are dicks when they don't understand mental health issues. My private therapy (which I had to pay for because the NHS waiting list was so long I would've killed or seriously injured myself in the meantime) literally saved my life. £400 might seem like a lot but not when it is the only thing keeping you from having a breakdown and being unable to function or work at all. Suggestions for alternatives that OP may not have thought of - great - snarky comments telling the OP she doesn't need it and is obviously spending far too much on herself - not great.

Lots of good advice here, good luck OP Flowers

Graphista · 11/08/2020 00:46

Ok - wrote a long reply and mn lost it grrr!

So short version:

Pip - Get help to claim - I also have ocd and my “mobility” is mainly impacted by this as it has made me agoraphobic, it’s NOT just if your mobility is impacted by physical limitations although it sounds as if you are by the IBD

I highly recommend using your local welfare rights office which are in your council usually part of the social services/social care dept (purely in terms of organisation)

I have NOT had good experiences with CAB on this subject and I have tried several different offices.

The forms are deliberately designed to be LESS likely to lead to a claim being upheld, and while it’s disheartening be prepared to appeal. Very common for first claims to be declined - as you’ll have seen in the news a large number are overturned on appeal.

I made the mistake of trying to do the forms myself at first, long story short when I took photocopy of initial claim to an advisor they were quickly able to point out LOADS of omissions and errors - because we naturally tend to want to paint ourselves as “coping” and not include any embarrassing info. I had also made the mistake of thinking I was only supposed to answer re main condition - no you include EVERYTHING that affects you on a daily basis.

I appealed with support and the initial decision was overturned AND the claim backdated.

I actually am wondering if you may be eligible for ESA/UC on the basis of disability - again this includes mental illness when severe. I’m on ESA.

With either you can still work, with ESA there’s “permitted work” and of course with UC there’s sliding scale allowances.

I’m not saying you’ll definitely be successful, but I do think with the right advice and support it’s very likely you will be and it certainly won’t hurt to at least get the advice.

If you’re not using the car it makes no sense to hold onto it. At the very least SORN and reduce the insurance although I would caution against some posters advice to add someone who never drives the car into the insurance as that would be fraud.

Generally on budgets:

Do a spreadsheet with ACCURATE information.

I suspect - as many of us do I’ve done it myself - you may be over estimating income and under estimating expenditure

Go through bank statements thoroughly and check the ACTUAL amounts.

My online banking app makes this very easy to do eg I’ve increased my grocery budget as prices have gone up with lockdown and I needed to adjust for that.

PLAN - don’t just budget for monthly outgoings, but for EVERYTHING

I was a single mum on a tight budget for many years and learned early on I had to get organised!

After the first tough couple years I caught on to myself (and discovered money saving expert!) and started to set aside money each month for “occasional” outgoings. Everyone’s pressure points are slightly different and they change over the years too. Mainly for me it was a case of:

Jan - jun - this block was savings for summer holidays and back to school costs

July - Dec - this was for Christmas and dds birthday (which is a few weeks after Christmas and I struggled with initially)

Also things like new clothes and shoes seasonally (winter coats, summer swimsuits etc - top tip for kids before they hit fashion conscious years - buy in the sales at the END of each season in the next size up for the next year eg buy winter coats when they’re in the Easter sales - I never paid full price for a winter coat for dd till she was at least 13!)

Haircuts (although admittedly I learned to cut ours as we both hated going to hairdressers for different reasons - me with the ocd I don’t like being touched, dd has a physical disability which meant the seats and sinks were uncomfortable for her)

New specs (keep an eye on your favourite opticians website for sales and offers to take advantage)

Loyalty schemes and shopping around - not just groceries but for EVERYTHING! I’ve been with Plusnet for 11 years and I pay less than £20 for phone and broadband with a mix of special offers and haggling!

To those pps questioning the issue of access to mh treatment - this is how things are in many places now, those of us with long term “incurable” conditions we are seen as too much of a drain on resources and frequently fobbed off and ignored. I’ve recently started with a new psychologist after over a year of no support at all and it’s only happened due to me kicking up a stink basically! My gp, Mp and msp have ALL gone to bat for me and it’s still taken all that time to get any help. I have friends and family all over Uk who also have long term dx - bipolar, ocd, schizophrenia... and they’re having the same experiences. It’s very much deteriorated in recent years but that’s really a whole other thread! So I completely believe and accept what the op is saying on that and would like to point out that while I totally understand it was NOT the intention of these posters to do so, but doubting the ops experience on this is another form of prejudice, and it’s very frustrating and quite honestly heartbreaking when people don’t believe what the mentally ill are telling people of their experiences in having difficulty accessing treatment. We ARE telling the truth yet so often the mentally ill are disbelieved.

MitziK · 11/08/2020 09:25

@MummytoCSJH

God people are dicks when they don't understand mental health issues. My private therapy (which I had to pay for because the NHS waiting list was so long I would've killed or seriously injured myself in the meantime) literally saved my life. £400 might seem like a lot but not when it is the only thing keeping you from having a breakdown and being unable to function or work at all. Suggestions for alternatives that OP may not have thought of - great - snarky comments telling the OP she doesn't need it and is obviously spending far too much on herself - not great.

Lots of good advice here, good luck OP Flowers

But it's money that can't be afforded. You don't get extra in Universal Credit to pay for private therapy, you get what the law says is enough to house, feed and clothe yourselves.

It's more damaging to the health to become homeless or have bailiffs coming to take the car, phones, TV, furniture and computer, especially as becoming homeless due to not paying the rent when there was adequate funds coming in would be deemed as intentional and, after time in a shitty B&B somewhere in the country (could be hundreds of miles away from family support, depending upon what arrangements the council have made) whilst they establish the cause, the council would have discharged their legal duty.

It's shit. Undoubtedly so. But if you can't afford something to the extent that it significantly affects the ability to pay for basic bills, housing and food, you have to go without the extras, no matter how important you feel them to be.

Ahorsecalledseptember · 11/08/2020 09:42

I agree mitzi, I’m amazed at those urging further debt for it.

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 11/08/2020 09:53

Hello everyone.

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circs, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon. In the meantime, you might find some useful information on our guide for dealing with financial difficulty