To think that if you raise a child vegetarian you need to offer them more variety than fake meat??

[Reddletweedle]

We haven’t seen DSD throughout lockdown and have just started seeing her again. Her mum has been vegetarian for a while and is controlling of DSD in general (separate issue), refused to prepare her meat (fair enough In own home) but also refused to allow her to order meat dishes when eating out. Pre lockdown DSD loved eating meat when with us, now she has decided to be veggie like her mum.
I make most of the meals and do the grocery shopping order so was asking DSD what she likes to eat as a vegetarian now. I make quite a lot of veggie dishes and snacks to give my children (DS3 and DD1) plenty of variety as well as meat and before contact stopped DSD usually opted for meat meals so didn’t have the same as my own kids if they were having something veggie. Have to say I was surprised when she said she usually has quorn burgers or quorn sausages. I asked if she ate other vegetarian food besides pretend meat - stir fries, curries, veggie omelettes, hummus, falafel, bean burgers nut roasts.... She hasn’t ever tried the dishes I suggested. I didn’t think I suggested anything particularly exotic - aren’t stir fries, curries and omelettes affordable, nutritious weekly staples of family life?
Am I unreasonable to think that if you are coercing a child into following your veggie mindset you should be encouraging them to eat more variety than simply swap real meat for fake meat???

@Reddletweedle

We haven’t seen DSD throughout lockdown and have just started seeing her again. Her mum has been vegetarian for a while and is controlling of DSD in general (separate issue), refused to prepare her meat (fair enough In own home) but also refused to allow her to order meat dishes when eating out. Pre lockdown DSD loved eating meat when with us, now she has decided to be veggie like her mum. I make most of the meals and do the grocery shopping order so was asking DSD what she likes to eat as a vegetarian now. I make quite a lot of veggie dishes and snacks to give my children (DS3 and DD1) plenty of variety as well as meat and before contact stopped DSD usually opted for meat meals so didn’t have the same as my own kids if they were having something veggie. Have to say I was surprised when she said she usually has quorn burgers or quorn sausages. I asked if she ate other vegetarian food besides pretend meat - stir fries, curries, veggie omelettes, hummus, falafel, bean burgers nut roasts.... She hasn’t ever tried the dishes I suggested. I didn’t think I suggested anything particularly exotic - aren’t stir fries, curries and omelettes affordable, nutritious weekly staples of family life? Am I unreasonable to think that if you are coercing a child into following your veggie mindset you should be encouraging them to eat more variety than simply swap real meat for fake meat???

Would you like to formally adopt her so you can directly give her the tasty nutritious food you suggest?

Would you like to send her mother some suggested meal plans back when DSD returns to her family home?

YABU, this reads more like an elaborate pop about the "separate issue" and usual vilification of the other parent (I don't have any step children, neither am I a father with absent children, I'm just commenting on what I see on here).

No idea why you are posting about this. Are your wanting to hear that the girls mother is failing her because she isn't giving her falafel to eat?

@JuniperFather Don’t you think it’s odd that someone would pressure their child into being a vegetarian? That’s not the main point at all though - I thought great, DSD will be able to enjoy more of the family meals I cook when she’s here as she’s moved to a vegetarian lifestyle. Not the case if she’s only eating meat substitutes. Do you honestly think it’s unreasonable to say a vegetarian child should be offered and encouraged to try a wider variety of food?

YABU unfortunately. So long as DSD is, broadly speaking, healthy it's up to her parents to decide. I'm sure lots of parents do things you wouldn't do yourself and vice versa, it doesn't make you are them right or wrong... we all just do things differently.

Don't get me wrong, I agree that people (kids especially) should have a varied diet. But I'd never think to comment or judge anyone on it. Unless they're my child or I think there's genuine health problems/neglect then it's none of my business.

How old is DSD? If she wants to be vegetarian you can make vegetarian family meals and let her mum get on with it. If she doesn't want to be vegetarian you can make family meals including meat as its her choice not her mum's. If she's old enough to cook she can help in the kitchen.

I'm vegetarian and my 4 year old DD eats meat because she likes it and eats vegetarian food with me too. I'm not keen on quorn either but it's generally given as the vegetarian option in schools.

@ChangeThePassword er, no... my question was aibu to think a veggie child should be offered more than pretend meat?

But there is a huge range of other veggie food than stuff you listed. How old is DSD?

Please don’t send her Mum meal plans.

It depends on the age of the child and their fussiness level. You can offer tofu but if they won't eat it.....

I wonder whether it's more that she's listed her favourites? She's hardly likely to suggest the healthiest foods shes been offered. In the same way a meat eating child might say they eat burgers and nuggets at home but really that's a small snapshot, just of their favourites.

Am I unreasonable to think that if you are coercing a child into following your veggie mindset you should be encouraging them to eat more variety than simply swap real meat for fake meat???

I don’t know - plenty of adults coerce their children into a meat-eating mindset and only offer them burgers, sausages, roast chicken and chicken nuggets.

Why is quorn an issue but a pork sausage fine? Why is the former indicative of lack of variety, but the latter not?

It’s fine if you think she needs more dietary variety but if you’re only blaming her mother for lack of variety because she’s vegetarian then that’s stupid. You have just as much responsibility to provide a varied diet as a meat eater.

@HappyPunky DSD is 11. I was a veggie at 11! I had quorn occasionally for bbq’s for example but not as a main staple.

'meat meals'??

DD1 is a veggie she broadly has what we have less the meat.

I'm not sure what you see as a 'meat meal'?

Also if she's having veggie sausages then presumably there's some veg with them.

I don't get it tbh.

This post really smacks of that attitude that if you feed your child animals it’s completely normal, but if you raise them to be a vegetarian you’re ‘coercing’ or ‘forcing’ them. Every parent makes dietary decisions for their kids, so why only view it as sinister when those decisions exclude animals?

Also, vegetarians aren’t the ones causing literally billions of animals worldwide to be slaughtered every year, but somehow they’re the extreme ones? Right...

@TheAquaticDuchess if you read my OP you’ll see that I’ve already said I make both veggie meals and meat meals for us, some days my children have meat sausages with veg and other days they’ll have a butter bean curry. Or pasta sauce sometimes it has meat sometimes it has lentils. I’m just surprised that a full vegetarian is being so restrictive with her child’s diet ( not in terms of health, I’ve not said that at all) but in terms of encouraging them to get their nutrients from other stuff than quorn! I have considered getting DH to ask his ex what sort of meals she makes DSD so we have a better idea. I wouldn’t send meal plans, I’m not a bloody fool!

Two excellent posts from @TheAquaticDuchess

@TheAquaticDuchess actually if you want my spin on dietary choices, not just your nonsense observation - I don’t believe in ethical vegetarianism. Do you eat eggs and dairy? If you do - How can you say slaughter is wrong yet happily support the separation of mother cow and calf so selfish humans can consume milk not intended for them?
I have no issue with DSD being a veggie. My point about coercion was that she was only allowed to exercise her choice to eat meat when with us.

I've been a vegetarian all my life. Never felt 'coerced' by my mother.

Quorn was a massive part of my childhood, not just burgers and sausages, but mince and 'quorn pieces'. Yes, we didn't always have them in a meal, I've had plenty of veg based meals. But what is wrong with meat replacements? There is such a variety now and a good way to get protein into a child's diet if they aren't eating real meat.

Shame us veggies are only expected to eat veg, cheese and nuts.

11 is plenty old enough to choose if she wants to give up a good group. It's also old enough to learn how to make a stir fry.

I think yabu as it seems her mum is just getting into it she'll probably try new things as she goes along. You could recommend Gosh to her they make interesting veggie sausages. Her mum is being unreasonable if she is stopping her DD from eating meat outside the house though she can't tell you what to cook if dsd wants to continue eating meat.

That might have been your question, but there was a lot of loaded (and irrelevant if that's genuinely all you wanted feedback on) information in your post.

I've been veggie since I was 12 and cooked for my family.

Most people would benefit from a less processed diet, that's not a question of being vegetarian or meat eating though

@MyGodImSoYoung will you please read the full thread. I’ve not said there’s anything wrong with quorn/meat subs.

I know plenty of meat eating families where they get a jam sandwich for lunch and some variation of breaded meat / fish and chips for dinner, either because it's what the kids want or what the parents feel like making.

In others words it's nothing to do with being vegetarian, is it.

@nanbread

I know plenty of meat eating families where they get a jam sandwich for lunch and some variation of breaded meat / fish and chips for dinner, either because it's what the kids want or what the parents feel like making.

In others words it's nothing to do with being vegetarian, is it.

exactly.

If the mum is veggie than it’s reasonable that anyone else she cooks for is also veggie.

It’s also not a veggie issue. Plenty of meat eaters don’t offer much beyond chicken nuggets and burgers. I know many veggies who can’t prepare much beyond pizza and chips. I’m veggie and while i love all the food you list, working full time means i usually end up with a veggie sausage or bowl of pasta.

Some people don’t enjoy cooking, or din’t have time to meal plan and cook nutritious dinners. Some people just don’t have the knowledge and understanding.

You cook what you want to. Leave her to do the same.