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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that if you raise a child vegetarian you need to offer them more variety than fake meat??

142 replies

Reddletweedle · 10/08/2020 09:53

We haven’t seen DSD throughout lockdown and have just started seeing her again. Her mum has been vegetarian for a while and is controlling of DSD in general (separate issue), refused to prepare her meat (fair enough In own home) but also refused to allow her to order meat dishes when eating out. Pre lockdown DSD loved eating meat when with us, now she has decided to be veggie like her mum.
I make most of the meals and do the grocery shopping order so was asking DSD what she likes to eat as a vegetarian now. I make quite a lot of veggie dishes and snacks to give my children (DS3 and DD1) plenty of variety as well as meat and before contact stopped DSD usually opted for meat meals so didn’t have the same as my own kids if they were having something veggie. Have to say I was surprised when she said she usually has quorn burgers or quorn sausages. I asked if she ate other vegetarian food besides pretend meat - stir fries, curries, veggie omelettes, hummus, falafel, bean burgers nut roasts.... She hasn’t ever tried the dishes I suggested. I didn’t think I suggested anything particularly exotic - aren’t stir fries, curries and omelettes affordable, nutritious weekly staples of family life?
Am I unreasonable to think that if you are coercing a child into following your veggie mindset you should be encouraging them to eat more variety than simply swap real meat for fake meat???

OP posts:

heymacaroner · 10/08/2020 11:28

Thing is, meat eaters have no problem feeding their children chicken 7 days a week.
A poor diet lacking variety is a poor diet lacking variety.
It's nothing to do with whether it's a vegetarian diet or not

Reluctantcavedweller · 10/08/2020 11:32

@LostInAutumn. Totally agree.

Why feed your DSD meat substitutes if the rest of your family don't eat them? You (actually your DH, tbh, but sounds like he "delegates" managing his DD's diet to you ) should decide what DSD eats at your house (as long as there's a veggie option), then leave her mum to decide what DSD eats at her house. No need for special meals for anyone.

NiceGerbil · 10/08/2020 11:33

What does she actually like op that's not meat?

Barrowmanfan22 · 10/08/2020 11:33

[quote Reddletweedle]**@bluebluezoo* and @NiceGerbil* you’re telling me a child who jumps at the opportunity to have a bacon sandwich at her dads, demolishes it in under a minute while says her mom won’t allow her meat and one of the things she loves about coming here is eating meat is undermining the mother and coercing a child? Ok then. We don’t even like bacon we only bought it in for DSD as a treat when she was coming here 😂😂 so in that example we had a veg omelette For lunch she had a bacon sarnie because we offered her a choice.
I don’t care if she eats meat or not. I support her decision whatever it is.[/quote]
I'm afraid you've lost us all here.

Child in choosing unhealthier food shocker. I'm not sure what point you wanted to make here but you've shot yourself right in the foot.

LaurieMarlow · 10/08/2020 11:35

You are just looking to have a dig at the ex

This.

Butt out OP, you’re not covering yourself in glory here.

NiceGerbil · 10/08/2020 11:35

I would choose a bacon sandwich over many many things indeed.

It's well known as the meat that veggies most often say they miss!

I call foul play.

Barrowmanfan22 · 10/08/2020 11:38

In what other ways is she 'controlling'? I'm sure you'd like to tell us.

bluebluezoo · 10/08/2020 11:41

You bought bacon specifically for a child who’s mum prefers it if she eats veggie.

Even though no one else in the house was eating bacon...

Think about that for a minute...

If he mum didn’t want her to have haribo, and you specifically went out and bought haribo for her despite no one else in your family wanting haribo....

Can you see the mum’s point here?

ShouldWeChangeTheBulb · 10/08/2020 11:42

I have had this so many times from meat eaters (never vegans interestingly) the idea that you can’t be a vegetarian on ethical grounds if you still eat dairy. It’s such bollocks. If you still use plastic bottles for shampoo is it pointless to reduce the amount of water bottles and carrier bags you use? If you choose to buy free range eggs is it pointless because the coffee you buy is not fair trade. It’s not all or nothing.
You sound like a dick TBH. You have no idea what she eats. It could be that the particular things you asked about aren’t things they have but they have plenty of chillis/stews/salads etc or it could be that her mum just isn’t likes quorn. Get off your high horse and stop judging other people when you are failing just not to be a dick.

Barrowmanfan22 · 10/08/2020 11:55

@bluebluezoo

You bought bacon specifically for a child who’s mum prefers it if she eats veggie.

Even though no one else in the house was eating bacon...

Think about that for a minute...

If he mum didn’t want her to have haribo, and you specifically went out and bought haribo for her despite no one else in your family wanting haribo....

Can you see the mum’s point here?

This. This this this.

rosiejaune · 10/08/2020 11:57

[quote Reddletweedle]@ChangeThePassword er, no... my question was aibu to think a veggie child should be offered more than pretend meat?[/quote]
YABU unless you also think an omnivorous child should be offered more than meat. So if you weren't complaining about it previously, you shouldn't be now.

I think you are coercing her more. Her mum can't force her to eat vegetarian at school, as she is not present, so if she does there it's because she chooses to, with no direct influence from any adult (the servers certainly won't care).

Whereas you are actively encouraging her to eat meat when you could provide alternatives (there are plenty of vegan bacon options that are good enough; it doesn't have to be identical to fill that gap).

At the very least, that is going to cause unnecessary conflict and undermine her mother.

TempestHayes · 10/08/2020 12:06

YANBU OP, it sounds crap she's only being offered a basic veggie chicken nugget food requiring little thought whilst not being exposed to any genuine cookery. But there's not much you can do other than feed her well at yours.

FortyFiedWine · 10/08/2020 12:08

aren’t stir fries, curries and omelettes affordable, nutritious weekly staples of family life?

Sounds like they're staples in your family. That's cool, crack on. Other families undoubtedly eat things that are not staples for you.

You've totally failed to hide your contempt for your DSD's mother, but that's a separate issue.

It sounds like your DSD has a preference for meat, so if she wants to be vegetarian then it's unsurprising that she will lean towards meat-like products that are designed to mimic meat.

ClementineWoolysocks · 10/08/2020 12:08

You are a better parent than the childs mother, there you go OP.

user1468538201 · 10/08/2020 12:10

I think you are looking for ways to put down your step daughters mother. I doubt anything she did could meet with your approval. Yes, you are being unreasonable, you are also being judgemental and I hope from now on you keep your opinions on the childs diet to yourself, children are very quick to pick up on sneaky criticism of their parents.

OchonAgusOchonO · 10/08/2020 12:15

@ChangeThePassword

Iron is definitely an issue if they are not getting it from a non-meat source. So if she's eating plenty of eggs, then no problem

Its not 'definitely an issue' at all. When I was pregnant I was an egg-hating veggie and was told by my midwife that my iron levels were really good, and higher than many meat eaters.

Admittedly she was surprised about that (as was I) but it's clearly perfectly possible to not have issues with iron levels as a vegetarian.

Of course it's not necessarily an issue for vegetarians. I am vegetarian and have never had issues, even when pregnant. I rarely eat eggs but get my iron from other sources.

I stated it is an issue if she is not getting it from a non-meat source, not that it is an issue if she is not getting it from meat (or eggs - I used eggs as an example of a non-meat source but obviously there are plenty of other sources of non-meat iron). You presumably also get your iron from non-meat sources.

Original poster

Reddletweedle · 10/08/2020 12:18

Let me get a few things straight.
I’ve not said meat subs are poor in nutrition, I’ve not said they’re bad etc. I’ve only said that surely a veggie child should be offered more than just swapping real meat for fake? Meat subs have their place of course they do, I’ve acknowledged that.

An 11 year old is capable of making the decision to be veggie or not herself. She’s gone veggie and I respect that. What I didn’t think was right was the her mother not allowing her to eat meat. She wouldn’t even allow DSD to prepare it herself. I understand where she’s coming from as I used to be veggie and while I was, the sight of meat made me shudder but if mother wasn’t preparing it why not allow it? And DSD told us she chooses veggie at school because she knows her mum would be be unhappy if she chose meat. Therefore I offered her meat when she was here because at 11 she has a right to choose for herself, right? And as we knew she looked forward to eating meat here we did make a special effort to get things in she liked.
We haven’t co erced her to eat either way. We’ve always offered her choice. I don’t understand the level of anger towards my OP when all I’ve said is surely more variety than pretend meat is better for a veggie child (or indeed, any child regardless of diet??)

Ta-ta.

OP posts:

strawberrypip · 10/08/2020 12:22

it's the overall superior attitude OP I think that has got peoples backs up.

sHREDDIES19 · 10/08/2020 12:22

I've been a veggie for around 28 years and I have a meat substitute with most of my evening meals (pie, sausages, chicken pieces in a curry, mince in pasta etc). It's a solid form of protein, lower in fat than actual meat and I love the taste. I really don't see the issue?! I think this is a deeper issue rather than the food.

TheAquaticDuchess · 10/08/2020 12:25

I’ve only said that surely a veggie child should be offered more than just swapping real meat for fake?

Ok but why? Why is it fine for a diet to lack variety if it contains meat but not fine if it contains meat substitutes? Both diets are lacking in variety, so why only criticise one?

FortyFiedWine · 10/08/2020 12:25

@Reddletweedle

Let me get a few things straight. I’ve not said meat subs are poor in nutrition, I’ve not said they’re bad etc. I’ve only said that surely a veggie child should be offered more than just swapping real meat for fake? Meat subs have their place of course they do, I’ve acknowledged that.

Ta-ta.

That is absolutely not what your original AIBU was. If you'd asked "AIBU to offer DSD a choice of food, and respect her decision to eat meat or not?" then the replies here would have been very different.

lyralalala · 10/08/2020 12:29

aren’t stir fries, curries and omelettes affordable, nutritious weekly staples of family life?

If this change all happened there's also a good chance her mother was limited in shopping as well.

My kids didn't have the optimum diet during lockdown, especially early on, because we were cooking what we had in and the limited shopping we could get.

OchonAgusOchonO · 10/08/2020 12:29

What I didn’t think was right was the her mother not allowing her to eat meat.

Why? Loads of meat eaters insist their dc eat meat. This is no different.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 10/08/2020 12:30

What I didn’t think was right was the her mother not allowing her to eat meat.

Parents make decisions for their children all the time. 🙄

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/08/2020 12:33

Why has she not seen she dad throughout lockdown?

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