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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I can't cope

150 replies

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 13:03

Toddler on a day out. Screaming hitting running at cars crying. Sat in the car with him bloody pointless day out. Staying in the house from now on

OP posts:

elfycat · 09/08/2020 18:30

I had a 'threenager'. Sailed through the terrible-twos with no terribles, then hit three and OMFG she was a little shit. One issue with older tantrums is they have more stamina and it takes ages for them to wear out. We often left places with her over my shoulder/tucked under my arm note: always face them outwards when under-arm carrying. They can't hit, kick or bite you

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 18:34

Thank god no one wants me because no more kids for me ever

OP posts:

ChocolateOO · 09/08/2020 18:34

My first was no trouble at all.

My 2.5 year old has about ten minutes patience in the car. He has no patience in his pushchair. He doesn't walk nicely and is not interested in looking and keeping still.

It is hard work. Try again in a month or two. Until then enjoy local walks etc. X

KisstheTeapot14 · 09/08/2020 18:38

OP you have my sympathy. I try not to stare at toddlers and their parents when its all 'going wrong', but just give a friendly smile as I have been there and got the t shirt.

Hang on in there. Try short outings if you can with easy retreats home if needs by.

I always think that if we never had bad days with our kids then the bond between us and them would be less somehow. You are his rock - bad day or good day, every day. Don't beat yourself up OP.

Think of it as one of the Blue Peter Badges you get during parenting.

The 'Bad Day at the Park' Badge.
You will build your collection as you go.

I know mumsnet is not very huggy, but sending a hug anyway.

You are doing your best.

NerrSnerr · 09/08/2020 18:42

Mine are both perfect children at school and nursery. My 3 year old has never had a tantrum at nursery and he has been there for 2 years. That's not what he's like at home.

It's really tough but you're not alone. I have a couple of 'safe' places to take my children depending on how they are at the time. Usually a park, the woods or somewhere similar and just a local walk somewhere. It'll get easier as he gets older- they do eventually get less stroppy.

OldLace · 09/08/2020 18:44

Ach, OP you have my sympathies.
Single parent of two here, both Autistic (now teens)

My two 'highlights' were carrying my dd rolled in a towel like a roll of carpet, aged about 2, through Centre parcs (we won a weekend away!) whilst she screamed blue murder and EVERYONE stared.

Sitting on the floor in the middle of Victoria Station concourse whilst my 7 year old ds had a huge ASD meltdown and my 4 year old watched from her buggy (too old for a buggy but used it on that trip as she was a bolter - I'd had to take them 250 miles to see a specialist, and their twatting Father walked off because he was 'embarrassed')

Tomorrow IS another day. It won't always be like this.
Try to take care of yourself. It took me a long time to learn that you cannot pour from an empty jug.

candycane222 · 09/08/2020 18:46

OP you sound very down and alone. That must be so hard. I found it exhausting and challenging and I wasn't a single mum.

I wonder if it might be an idea to talk to your health visitor or GP? Most surgeries are doing phone consultations at the moment and some seem to ahve more time than usual, too.

You are right, a lot of mums are on anti-depressants - me included. It's not actualy such a terrible thing in my view

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/08/2020 18:50

Oh OP

I have a little boy who is just coming up 3 years of age and some days he is such hard work. At times I just feel so drained and worn down by it all and life seems exhausting.

He can be so mischievous when we go out and sometimes I do feel embarrassed but I know my friends have all been where I have and that they will be sympathising as opposed to judging.

It must be so hard doing it on your own. My friend is a single mom and when her son was 2-3 years old she would frequently be on the phone to me in tears because she felt like she just couldn’t cope with life anymore.

I’m sorry you are feeling so low and unhappy, it’s totally understandable. The day is nearly over though, count down the minutes to his bedtime and then enjoy some peace and try and find a way to wind down

RickJames · 09/08/2020 18:51

Toddlers are amazing but they are also revolting at times. I'll never forget my 2 year old son (he's 10 now) playing nicely with my best friend's 6 month old and then just suddenly dropping a heavy, wooden, shape sorting box onto his face. Thank god my BF also had a really naughty 4 year old that had committed several atrocities against my son in the past so we just dealt with the outcome with love and understanding.
Honestly, i know it feels dreadful right now but it's not the end of the world and they do grow up.
I love toddlers but they can be swines, it's not you, it's not your child - it's just the way it is x

letsmaketea · 09/08/2020 18:54

They are such hard work at this age, aren't they! I've literally carried mine, kicking and screaming, over my shoulder out of cafes, parks, beaches, you name it. It's exhausting.

If going out feels too much right now, it's ok to stay in. You will probably find that his communication improves over the coming weeks and months and going out becomes easier again. Do you get a break, when he's in nursery? Is he going often enough? If you are struggling, you could put him in for an extra day for the next few weeks to give yourself more rest time.

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 18:57

I work4 days aswell everyday is groundhog day

OP posts:

AudTheDeepMinded · 09/08/2020 19:01

This is deeper than a shit day today, isn't it OP? Have you any other support in the area, close friend or family? Really sounds like you need a break.

Tooshytoshine · 09/08/2020 19:07

My DS was a hard work toddler. I was in anti depressants when he was this age. It was so fricking hard. My DD was not like that at all at the same age. It was a pleasure taking her places. I treated them the same and was the same mum to them. It's not you, some kids are just full on at that age.

You need support though so reach out. If you don't have local friends and family then contact your HV or GP. You are doing your best, he is a hard work toddler. This will pass...

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 19:17

I was friends with some mums but they were utter bitchs in the end.

OP posts:

randomer · 09/08/2020 19:28

How about getting in touch with your GP? You don't sound too good tbh.

At the risk of being nosey, how are your finances? Re the food, you don't have to eat with the little guy . Get proper food. Get sleep. Go to parks in the morning, TV in the afternoon. Try to find one good thing every day.

randomer · 09/08/2020 19:29

Its endless, endless and you have to be a bit canny and get some breaks for yourself.

doodleygirl · 09/08/2020 19:35

Do you think he is picking up your general mood? You sound very unhappy. Do you have a support network?

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 19:43

Finances ok. I'm on anti depressants have been for years.

OP posts:

MumsyMumIAmNot · 09/08/2020 19:43

YABU tomorrows a new day get over it. Toddlers are annoying like that but they grow out of it.

ineedaholidaynow · 09/08/2020 19:46

@MumsyMumIAmNot you may need to rethink what you have just posted, you don't tend to tell people who are on ADs to get over it

randomer · 09/08/2020 20:04

Ok, you have money. Make life easier, get help. Get a cleaner, a therapist, join a meal scheme. This is your base. Get yourself back onto solid ground.
Who looks after the toddler when you work? Get them to do another day.
Take day 5 as your day.

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 20:35

Cant believe I used to cry about being infertile

OP posts:

MumsyMumIAmNot · 09/08/2020 20:44

@ineedaholidaynow sorry about that, and you OP. I posted same time OP posted so did not see that comment about being on AD.

BestOption · 09/08/2020 23:26

@Dancingonmylonesome

Cant believe I used to cry about being infertile

Oh the bloody irony eh!

I'm sorry he played up today & I'm sorry it all feels like ground hog day.

If you want to, tell us a bit more about yourself, your situation. Did you set out to be a single Mum? If you don't want to that's cool.

Can you afford/can they take him for another session at nursery, so you have one time a week, you can count in, just for YOU?

I really feel for single parents of young kids at the moment, but at least playparks have reopened!

I used to think reins were awful, treating kids like dogs (etc etc) but they, especially the cute little back packs, give them so much more freedom while being kept safe.

Where did you meet your friends today?

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 10/08/2020 08:52

If I pgone a health visitor what do I say?

OP posts:

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