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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I can't cope

150 replies

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 13:03

Toddler on a day out. Screaming hitting running at cars crying. Sat in the car with him bloody pointless day out. Staying in the house from now on

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/08/2020 16:52

@Winter2020

It must be hard being a toddler sometimes. If you are too hot, too tired, hungry, thirsty or just cranky you can’t always let your carer know. You might not even understand why you are feeling cross yourself. You have very little power to control your day such as whether you can go straight on the playground you can see or why you have to leave it when you are having fun.

I’m sure it wouldn’t work with every child but with my eldest when we had to leave the park I would say why “We’ve got to go now because we need to have our lunch” or whatever “but we’ll come another day bye bye park” and he would literally say bye bye to the park.

One time my son was lying on the floor screaming blue murder when out and this extreme behaviour was out of character and he turned out to have an ear infection so when behaviour is out of character I would say look out for them being ill.

The other memorable time he was foaming at the mouth with anger in the back of the car looking like the exorcist I had arrived at the beach as friends were leaving and left (and made my son leave) with them. It was years ago but I still regret that. I should have let them leave as it wasn’t fair on my son to arrive and make him leave straight away. I have never seen him like that again thank god.

With my dd the park had to have a nap so we could leave it - quickly - before another child came along... we would have been there all day otherwise.

Twigletfairy · 09/08/2020 16:53

Is it every time you go out, or was it just this once or the last few times?

It can be really hard when it seems like it's only your child acting up. My 3 year old is normally one of the best behaved children you could imagine, but holy fuck when she is having a bad day it's enough to make you just want to cry in a dark corner for a week. All children have their days where everything is just too much. Some have them more frequently than others. It is exhausting and does make you wonder what the point is, but you do it because you love them

YorkshireTeaIsTheBest · 09/08/2020 16:55

@Dancingonmylonesome

Now hes watching tv at home and that's what well be doing every since day now.

Maybe it was all too much. 5 months of lockdown is enough to drive anyone to distraction never mind a toddler.

Maybe try a 10 minute walk in the early morning when it is cool -see how many leaves he/she can spot or something. Ease them back into going out. Shade and paddling pool on a day like this here and plenty of drinks. Mine have been indoors much of the day -but I just made them come out with me and put their swimming stuff on and we cleaned the car with 2 minutes each with the hose on mist setting -me included and they loved it.

Mine also want TV but it turns them into monsters. So I try to say do -this first and then a DVD this evening or something. We have TV / kindle/ phone free days as well.

TV is addictive and designed that way. So you can go cold turkey or wean them off gradually. Even the eldest isn't allowed to sit and watch tv when they want or indeed me.

Echobelly · 09/08/2020 17:03

I totally get that, but a bad day is just a bad day.

I overall found it easier getting small child/children out of the house than trying to marshall them in the house!

BlueJava · 09/08/2020 17:04

Sharing so you feel better OP....

I took my twins into a cafe in West London when they were about 4 yo. One accidentally tipped his drink over - the other one copied and deliberately tipped his out over the floor because he didn't want to be left out. Whilst I was telling the second one off, the first leapt off his chair and started jumping in the large puddle of drink, splashing nearby diners. I went to grab the puddle jumper and the other one ran away through the restaurant, treading on a ladies cream coat which had fell on the floor with his filthy shoes (from the drink). I grabbed both of them, as I paid they were standing by with buckets and mops. I have never been so embarrassed. I have never been back there and it was years ago!

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 17:05

I've got another day of this tomorrow. No wonder so many mums are on anti depressants

OP posts:

StarTrekRedShirt · 09/08/2020 17:18

I hate to state the bleeding obvious but buggy/pushchair or reigns? As an adult, you don’t have your life dictated by a toddler. (Said as a mum of four now adult children)

Roselilly36 · 09/08/2020 17:18

Sorry you have had a rough day OP, it’s really hard work I know. My DS2 was an absolutely awful toddler, but it does get easier. No parent should judge, most of us have been there. New day tomorrow.

fascinated · 09/08/2020 17:22

I’ve gone back to reins. As much so that I can threaten them, rather than always use them.

NoImNotEntertained · 09/08/2020 17:25

I really feel for lots of people during this time and parents of toddlers are right up there! After months of being cooped up it must be even more difficult to keep them entertained/happy/rested when it's crazy hot and places to go are limited.

I know this doesn't help your immediate feelings of utter frustration OP but I remember many times when my kids were just horrible. We had one memorable journey when my toddler DD cracked me right across the face (she wound her arm up and everything) and people actually flinched at the sound. It was so embarrassing and I cried.

The rational part of you knows this is just tiredness or being hot and bothered or whatever but it's really hard not to take it personally and resent them when you are at a low ebb. It can feel like nothing you do works and so what's the point anyway. One thing I learned is that sometimes the idea of some planned activity is likely to be far nicer than the reality!

Like other posters have said, try to relax if you can this evening. Maybe make a low key plan for tomorrow, some good ideas posted here. It will get better, my DD(15) is the most wonderful kid now but blimey we had our moments when she was little.

NerrSnerr · 09/08/2020 17:26

How old is he? I find mine go through stages of being really hard to take out. My youngest is 3 and we are now beginning to enjoy days out again when he's not too tired. We went out today, not for long- about 90 minutes and he just got too hot and had a cry and needed a cuddle.

When a proper day out seems too much hard work we just go for a walk, to the park or just in the garden.

QueenBarb · 09/08/2020 17:32

@fascinated

I’ve gone back to reins. As much so that I can threaten them, rather than always use them.

I’m going to do this. Both of mine have been bolters but DS wasn’t bad past a certain age - my DD thinks it’s hilarious to sprint off and after threatening to get them out I’m going to bring them out the next time we go.

Newdaynewname1 · 09/08/2020 17:39

How much do you take him out? It takes practise, for both of you! Please take him out every day, playground, park, walks ( a 3 year old can do 1-2 hour walks quite easily), and then try again with others.

fascinated · 09/08/2020 17:44

@QueenBarb it’s helpful. I’d got to the end of my tether and read a thread on here so went out amd bought some that look like a lion. A little harness. It’s great. He even quite likes “being a lion”...

fascinated · 09/08/2020 17:46

OP, he’s maybe going through an “upgrade” mentally. Can make them more unsettled for a few days/ weeks.

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 09/08/2020 17:47

We’ve done nothing this weekend as it’s too hot! And mine are much older

SusieOwl4 · 09/08/2020 17:55

So when you say he moans , what about ? What was the activity ? Did he want to go ?

What is it that is stressing him out ?

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 18:00

He goes out everyday. I'm a single parent so no choice. He screams when I put reins near him and sits on the pavement. I'm not mum material I hate it

OP posts:

ineedaholidaynow · 09/08/2020 18:04

How is he at nursery?

Was it just the heat today? Has his routine changed drastically under lockdown?

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 18:05

Hes great at nursery. When I take him out whatever weather I get screaming punching etc.

OP posts:

ineedaholidaynow · 09/08/2020 18:06

How old is he?

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 18:13

2 years 9 months

OP posts:

fascinated · 09/08/2020 18:22

Sounds overtired / overwhelmed?

randomer · 09/08/2020 18:22

dear OP, you are caring for a small demanding creature on your own in the middle of a Pandemic.

You simply MUST look at ways of being kind to yourself, cutting corners where you can and getting support.

Here are some ideas...
Have minimal expectations
Eat well
Do something for you
Use TV wisely as a chance for a break for yourself
Continue with the going out.
Is there a small park or play area nearby?
Can you make your back garden safe and put a selection of bits and pieces out there.
Can you ask a locla childrens centre for support at all.

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 18:28

Local kids centre closed. I eat crap because I can be bothered to cook. Anything I cook him ends up on the floor

OP posts:

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