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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I can't cope

150 replies

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 13:03

Toddler on a day out. Screaming hitting running at cars crying. Sat in the car with him bloody pointless day out. Staying in the house from now on

OP posts:

BlueSuffragette · 09/08/2020 15:52

It didn't go amiss. I said I understand why the OP is upset.

PumpkinPie2016 · 09/08/2020 15:54

Oh OP you have my sympathies

Kids that age are a nightmare sometimes!

I still cringe when I think back to the time we took our then 2 year old son to a pub for lunch. I did everything right -took colouring things, made sure he would be hungry enough to eat but not so hungry that he was fratchy, made sure he had run around first and had a cat nap.

Did it work? No, it bloody didn't! He screamed,threw crayons, kept getting up to run around etc. We had to wolf down our meal and leave without pudding

We've all been there!

user1493413286 · 09/08/2020 15:55

I I know the feeling; sometimes I wonder why I bother but there will be better days

MooseBeTimeForSummer · 09/08/2020 15:57

And maybe, just maybe, he knows throwing a strop will “reward” him with being plonked in front of the TV.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/08/2020 16:02

I’m sorry you’ve struggled today. I’ve voted YABU. Because you shouldn’t be embarrassed and you can’t just watch tv constantly.

Maybe try smaller short and predictable outings ie something you can do every day or at least regularly - maybe call it go and look at X (birds, flowers etc) or whatever else. It sounds like your ds struggles with change and therefore needs predictability and routines. Even my dd, who is quite adaptable needed warning before leaving somewhere. It would start 15, 10, 5 then 1 minute at a young age.

My friend’s ds was more like your ds and he needed life explaining to him and lots of patience so he knew what was happening. It was wearing watching him faff and come to terms with things like taking ages to get shoes on but I accepted this was part of him. He’s 12 now and can cope a lot better with change. But it took a long time.

speakout · 09/08/2020 16:18

Sounds tough OP. I think most of us parents have had days like that.
I agree the low level activities are often best- especially in hot weather.
A basin of water, some favourite toys, sit outdoors with jugs, spoons, bare feet, wash up liquid makes great bubbles.
Find some way for you both to cool down.

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 16:20

He used to go anywhere and be happy he was laid back now everything is an ordeal

OP posts:

randomer · 09/08/2020 16:24

Child ill? virus? dehydrated? tired?

Every sympathy, its bloody awful.

Damnpeskykids · 09/08/2020 16:26

I have one of these, my 3 year old can be a total dick at times when we are out and he's going through the delightful phase of having full on wobblers in the middle of the park when we have to leave. He's my third so now it doesn't bother me in the slightest I let him thrash it out (safely!) then when he calms down, pick him up and have a cuddle. It has been so hot the last few days and that has definitely affected his mood, tied in with dropping his naps so he's a delight at the min!
I know it's easier said than done but as others have said, they ALL go through it some more than others but don't let it get you down and stop going out, maybe if you could try and go out when he's been fed & had a nap etc so it's not when he's most tired? Sending hugs!

Divoc2020 · 09/08/2020 16:29

You have my sympathies.

DS2 was a sensitive child - always in tears because it was too hot/ cold/ noisy/ bright/ busy etc.
Hated uncertainty of new environments.
We discovered later he had sensory processing issues and dyslexia.

If it’s any consolation it got better as we learnt how to help him / teach coping strategies, and he is now a lovely 18 year old without any significant issues socialising etc. He knows his own limits and adapts accordingly.

Winter2020 · 09/08/2020 16:36

It must be hard being a toddler sometimes. If you are too hot, too tired, hungry, thirsty or just cranky you can’t always let your carer know. You might not even understand why you are feeling cross yourself. You have very little power to control your day such as whether you can go straight on the playground you can see or why you have to leave it when you are having fun.

I’m sure it wouldn’t work with every child but with my eldest when we had to leave the park I would say why “We’ve got to go now because we need to have our lunch” or whatever “but we’ll come another day bye bye park” and he would literally say bye bye to the park.

One time my son was lying on the floor screaming blue murder when out and this extreme behaviour was out of character and he turned out to have an ear infection so when behaviour is out of character I would say look out for them being ill.

The other memorable time he was foaming at the mouth with anger in the back of the car looking like the exorcist I had arrived at the beach as friends were leaving and left (and made my son leave) with them. It was years ago but I still regret that. I should have let them leave as it wasn’t fair on my son to arrive and make him leave straight away. I have never seen him like that again thank god.

1forAll74 · 09/08/2020 16:36

Not a good idea to sit watching tv all day. Do you have a garden, or back yard area, so you can do some fun outside things together. Very simple things can keep a toddler occupied for a while. Imagination is needed !

PollyPelargonium52 · 09/08/2020 16:37

Would a paddling pool help in the garden? Wd need supervising of course. Keep water shallow

Winter2020 · 09/08/2020 16:39

I guess with my story about leaving the beach I think it is it is sometimes ok to put your child first and if for example your friends want to go but your child is having a lovely time to say you will follow on later. Or in this case the opposite - I think x is hot and cranky we are going to find some shade/go home.

DopamineHits · 09/08/2020 16:44

Everyone has those days. If they say they don't and their child got to 18 without ever having a public meltdown, they're lying.

DopamineHits · 09/08/2020 16:45

Just go home, have a cool shower, get the icecream out of the freezer and put something on Netflix. Write today off and tomorrow as well if you can!

chocolatesweets · 09/08/2020 16:45

bless you kids are hard work. More so toddlers. I should know I have two 2.5 year olds! Somedays I can go out somedays I don't
Bother. You get to know who your friends are. Please don't be mad at your child , they are little people and he might have been hot. Its boiling and tiring and you probably are hot and tired also. Go easy on yourself. Have a big glass of vino tonight. If you were near me I'd take your toddler off your hands to play in my garden with both mine.

howfarwevecome · 09/08/2020 16:47

With all due respect, you need to wean him back off the screens. If its telly all day day in and day out, it's causing the behaviour and trashing his attention span.

It will suck for a while, but you have to do it.

tmh88 · 09/08/2020 16:48

Oh op I have days where I can get strangers commenting on how lovely DS is and days where people’s faces are like this as I carry him kicking and screaming home! It’s completely normal! Just depends what way out he’s going to be on the day! The one I remember best is when he was around 14/15 months and threw an open can of pop at me... I was soaked and I had to carry him out screaming.. it’s embarrassing and awful but they all do it!

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 16:48

All I do is sit on my own and eat and drinks I'm not doing that again tonight

OP posts:

chocolatesweets · 09/08/2020 16:49

I disagree it's telly all day long. It's probably OP wanting to go out and meet her friends after this stupid lockdown and I don't blame her. Toddlers don't always play along and have their own needs. Poor mum I say. Let him watch telly/let him be happy and relax yourself. You will be able to socialise again.

QueenBarb · 09/08/2020 16:50

Also having a hard toddler day here, sending tea and sympathy. She refused to get in her car seat twice, wouldn’t stay strapped in, was a nightmare in the shop we went to briefly....oh and this morning she threw the tv remote at the tv screen because I asked her to come and eat her lunch. She starts nursery again soon and I’m really hoping spending time with other little ones helps, we’ve had a really rough time on and off recently with behaviour.

Original poster

Dancingonmylonesome · 09/08/2020 16:51

He doesnt want telly all day. He goes out. Hes goes to nursery. He is taken all sorts of places but moans all the time

OP posts:

Gogogadgetarms · 09/08/2020 16:52

Sympathies OP.
I took mine out the other day. He said playground then ducks.
I took him to the playground first and he got hysterical that we weren’t at the ducks. I managed to coax him out of the car, we walked 30 seconds down the road when he screamed ‘ducks’ and kicked me full on with wellies in the shin.
I picked him up, put him back in the car and went home.

BUT tomorrow is another day and we keep getting up and going out. What’s the alternative?

Aisforharlot · 09/08/2020 16:52

God we've all been there op, sympathies. They can be right gits at that age.

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