Cross posted.
Birth can be traumatic. Triggering. Even if the staff are amazing. Especially if they're useless. Students can be fabulous, or not. Your experience is your experience, can't take that away. But try to make sense of it, so you can work, live with it, so it doesn't marr early time with baby.
Please ask for a review of your case with your midwife, or escalate to ask for one with Director of Midwives ASAP, for your own mental health. As a priority.
PALS will support you. It's not being difficult, it's not being unreasonable, it's part of managing your own wellbeing and care plan. AND hospitals need the feedback to know their systems and staff aren't working effectively.
ADDITIONALLY to that, you have to talk to your partner. Communicate. At its most simplest, there is the authority complex here. People do what someone in authority tells them to do, even when it goes against their gut instinct. Factor in fear, a white coat or medical title and it will increase the authority/obedience.
Yeah, maybe he fancied copping a look at your fanjo. Or maybe he was freaking out that birth is crazy. He knew his one job was not to look and support you. And here's this Dr Authority saying not once, but multiple times it will be fine if you and your partner do what he says. So your partner caved & does what he's told when told to look by an authority figure.
Doesn't excuse, does explain. Does not excuse or explain Drs behaviour.
If you still don't feel he supported you, get someone else (mum, friend) who has been through birth to advocate/support you to speak to PALS.