To ask neighbours to change the conversation subject in their own garden???

[Bigbus]

We have some neighbours who rent the terrace house next door. They are in their late twenties, a group of friends with stressful public sector jobs and since lockdown eased they often have people round in the garden to talk and drink and listen to music. Although it is quite loud I really don’t mind - we often had friends round late in the garden before we had kids (different place, a flat with other young professionals in the block) and they always turn the music off before midnight, although the talking might go on until 6am, sometimes on week days as they work shifts.

They are nice people and put up with our noise - a lot of teenage shouting at the moment!

However, here is my AIBU? The content of what they say is not the sort of thing I would want my DD13, DD12 and DS8 to hear. Lots of sexual references. One night two guys were out there referring to women as ‘snakes with tits’, tonight they were shouting about having their pubes before going out because ‘your never know who you might f*ck’, they talk about masturbating, sexting, discuss the physical attributes of women in a very sexualised way. I’m not a prude and they are young and single, but I’m not sure I want my kids to hear all this. On the other side is a family with DS10 and DS6. It’s difficult to shut the windows at the moment because it’s so hot.

So am I being ridiculous and it’s really not a big deal? Should I shut the windows and buy some fans? Or should I make myself look like a boring old goat and ask them to think about what they are saying?

People who talk like that are not going to take kindly to being told off. You will probably just get a whole lot of verbal abuse.

You have been very considerate so far I'd definitely have a word it isn't much to ask.

You could try but they may not be very receptive.

I think the only thing you can do is knock on the door and ask them what shape their pubes were shaved into and if they shagged anyone.

I can promise you if you approach it from a ‘please don’t be crude so loudly’ they won’t care. Embarrass them and they might.

I disagree with the posters who say they won't be receptive to you. You say they are nice neighbours i'm sure if you ask nicely they will try to tone it down. But probably best to knock and mention it one to one.

nothing remotely nice about them.

@Bigbus I have a potty mouth. Any of those things could come out of my friends mouths. If anyone of my neighbours politely asked me to tone it down, especially for their children. I absolutely would not be offended, I'd be mortified!

Thanks for all your comments. I think I’m worried that they will think I’m a middle-aged bore! But I also don’t want my children to hear all this so maybe I’ll try to broach it with them when they are sober.

I’d approach them and say something in a jokey way ‘Hi neighbours, whilst I’ve picked up tips on whether to shave my pubes or not, it’s not something my children should hear , could you tone it down a bit please?’

Just make a comment when you're out there like "fascinating subject, young sirs, are you aware there's an 8 year old over here and one even younger on the other side?"

Don't waste your time asking nicely, straightaway. If your initial (humorous?) remark has no effect then go to the neighbours at a time when they have no visitors and ask them if they can have a word with their friends.

Can you make a subtle noise so they are aware there are people around on the other side of the fence?

This happened to my friend and me - albeit once and in Pizza Express. We decided to fight fire with fire and had an equally loud conversation about various aspects of childbirth. Episiotomies, forceps, centimetres dilated - the lot. They were horrified and soon scuttled off.....

I’d ask them to tone it down. I find if you pose it as them doing it as a favour for you that people are more likely to help.

I’ve asked big groups of drunks On the train if they could please do me a favour and tone down the swearing as I’ve got the kids with me and I’ve always had a good reception. To be fair they often forget after a while and start swearing again but I just remind them again.

(over fence) Oy really? Talk loudly over them to imaginary companion of the most boring thing you can think of & get louder & louder & LOUDER

A bunch of young, single men without kids have probably not even realised that kids are hearing & it’s inappropriate. Until you have kids you don’t consider that kind of thing. Just ask them I’m a friendly/bit jokey way to tone it down a bit.

They probably have no idea you can hear them tbh.

Why should you care if they think you're boring? You're a mother trying to protect young ears and minds. Mind you, I wouldn't want to have to listen to that kind of talk all the time in my garden, for my own sake!

As a PP says, addressing it with humour may help. It doesn't hurt to try before shutting windows and shopping for fans.

I'd try what @Ipadipod said!

I would definitely say something! Just an "Excuse me, there are young children on both sides of you who can hear you talking. Can you not talk about sexual matters in front of them?"

@Bigbus please don't be sarcastic or rude as some of the posters, are suggesting. I'm sure they wouldn't IRL. A quiet word, along the lines of; I appreciate its your garden too, it's just that my children can hear and it's not appropriate for them.

Perfectly reasonable. If you were rude or sarcastic to me, I'd make no effort for you whatsoever.

@NataliaOsipova brilliant most women can go on quite happily about that subject add in a bit about your bladder or your bowel problems (real or imaginary) - potty habits of dc & the disgusting nappies...

They sound utterly hideous ...Who speaks like that, unless they are brainless?...Jeez.
A family member lived near a pub {pre lockdown} and the noise and boozy laughter was so annoying they left...but even then, the pub conversations were nothing like that...

Sadly if they are so crass as to speak like theism they will only be worse if asked to moderate their topics of conversation...
Are they 15?

Snakes with tits is a "red pill" thing. They won't take kindly to a woman saying anything to them...

Better to talk to their landlord directly if you know who it is.

Are your dc actually listening to their conversations? Are they sat there listening in?
Obviously you are listening in...but .your dc might not be bothered if they doing their own thing.
Or Are they asking you questions based on the talk they hearing? "Mummy whats pube" kind of thing?

You can't police other people in their own garden...
Though if you on friendly terms you could make a joke of it .. thanks guys I had to tell my 8 year old what xxxx meant .... there are kids listening ..

I bet the OP's children are listening...
Kids just do tend to tune in to subjects like this..As a kid if the adults nearby suddenly dropped into a whisper, I was all ears...