To ask neighbours to change the conversation subject in their own garden???

[Bigbus]

We have some neighbours who rent the terrace house next door. They are in their late twenties, a group of friends with stressful public sector jobs and since lockdown eased they often have people round in the garden to talk and drink and listen to music. Although it is quite loud I really don’t mind - we often had friends round late in the garden before we had kids (different place, a flat with other young professionals in the block) and they always turn the music off before midnight, although the talking might go on until 6am, sometimes on week days as they work shifts.

They are nice people and put up with our noise - a lot of teenage shouting at the moment!

However, here is my AIBU? The content of what they say is not the sort of thing I would want my DD13, DD12 and DS8 to hear. Lots of sexual references. One night two guys were out there referring to women as ‘snakes with tits’, tonight they were shouting about having their pubes before going out because ‘your never know who you might f*ck’, they talk about masturbating, sexting, discuss the physical attributes of women in a very sexualised way. I’m not a prude and they are young and single, but I’m not sure I want my kids to hear all this. On the other side is a family with DS10 and DS6. It’s difficult to shut the windows at the moment because it’s so hot.

So am I being ridiculous and it’s really not a big deal? Should I shut the windows and buy some fans? Or should I make myself look like a boring old goat and ask them to think about what they are saying?

[LordOfTheOnionRings]

I would talk to them, they will probably be embarrassed!

[Macncheeseballs]

They sound like self absorbed selfish twats, it takes very little to be aware of the affect you are having on the world around you

[Tyranttoddler]

Definitely don't take them beers!! They sound gross. They're late 20s,they hold down jobs... No one is that thick that they don't know you can be heard in terraced gardens.

[ivykaty44]

give them a shit sardine

knock on the door and tell them how much you appreciate them being great neighbours, turning the music off at midnight etc

then explain your having difficulties explaining a lot of their sexual references to your teen children and in particular the misogynistic terms they refer to woman. ask if they could tone it down a bit

then say how great it is they are following the lock down rules and what a great idea to have outside drinks with friends, reiterating how good it is they are good neighbours

[adulthumanwoman]

How can you say they are nice? They sound hideous.

[msflibble]

Yeah, I think it's actually perfectly reasonable to ask them not to be a pair of disgusting misogynistic fucks where young and impressionable kids can hear exactly what they're saying.
They sound absolutely awful

[Othering]

What if they were making really vile, racist remarks? Would that be OK or would you tackle it? I suspect the replies on here would not be to take round a bottle of wine and joke with them. Why is it different then just because it's women they're being vile about. That said, I'm fairly cowardly about dealing with neighbour problems, as you never know how things might escalate. I'd report them though officially. No one should be making a racket outside when they've got neighbours until 6am.

[Infullbloom]

I disagree with the posters who say they won't be receptive to you.

So do I because I has this issue with neighbours guests a couple of doors down, all in their 20's and their friends were using foul language one Saturday afternoon, I just shouted over 'any chance of toning down the language, there's children out playing' and they apologised and toned it down, no issues.

[Regularname]

Start off by just asking them to tone it down Not sarcastic or about misogyny if your goal is that your children don’t hear the conversation.

[ScrapThatThen]

Just say, I don't mind the music, I don't mind the chatter, however I am aware there are kids both sides who are getting more information than they need about your sex lives, please can you be mindful of that and tone it down thanks.

[smeemoo]

Loudly next to fence: "DS8 - I don't know when you will get your pubes. No, they will grow around your willy. No - don't shave them straight away. Excuse me neighbours when did you start shaving your pubes?"

[butterpuffed]

If their loud music goes on till midnight, presumably you don't hear their conversations till after that ? Have your children said they can hear them, ie, it wakes them up ?

If so, I would say something more from that angle , that their chatter till 6am is giving your three disturbed nights.

[unlikelytobe]

Hmmm...I'm not sure you can embarrass people who are like this. Any comment from you may just ramp things up or cue some more inappropriate remarks. Depends if you already have a jokey relationship with them.

I'm not sure why you're so concerned about being seen as a middle aged bore. Tell them to rein it in - other PP have made good suggestions about how to say it - then see if things improve. They sound horrible by the way.

[C8H10N4O2]

I'm wondering what are these stressful public sector jobs they are doing wtih those attitudes to women?

As othering says, loud conversations of similar kind but about race would be considered appalling, why is this horrible language about women just "bants"? I wouldn't want my DC learning those attitudes from neighbours either.

[Cam2020]

People sometimes forget themselves and get carried away when they're with with their friends and having a drink. They don't think about how sound travels with doors and windows being open, either. I'd go with a jokey text along the lines of: 'thanks for the pube advice, but....'. Only if you then have an issue go to their landlord.

Some really OTT reactions and assumptions on here.

[NataliaOsipova]

@ShesMadeATwatOfMePam

This happened to my friend and me - albeit once and in Pizza Express. We decided to fight fire with fire and had an equally loud conversation about various aspects of childbirth. Episiotomies, forceps, centimetres dilated - the lot. They were horrified and soon scuttled off.....

I imagine all the other diners felt the same way about you, talking about that while families are eating dinner.

In fairness, we were in a room on the top floor with just us and this other table there 😂

[RantyAnty]

They're not nice.
They see women as objects and not human.

Quit worrying about how they perceive you. Who cares. Just mention it to them or have a man mention it since they feel men are superior. They'll stop.

If not, you can do sneaky stuff to them until they're forced to move.

[minimike]

I think it reasonable for you to be concerned enough to speak to them.
Others have said that they probably don't realise how sound carries.
If necessary could you explain the issue and ask them if they have younger sisters or cousins and how would they speak in-front of them.

[SurreyHillsGirl]

Oh don’t try to outdo them with chats to an imaginary person about childbirth or dirty nappies just talk to them like human beings

[ThisLittleLady]

If you get on well then have a word. Say I’m
Not trying to be a pita but my kids are overhearing the loud conversation and some
If it’s a bit inappropriate for their young ears, would you mind helping me out a wee bit by maybe not talking about such things as loudly when you’re outside? I’d really appreciate it if you would consider this when you’re in the garden ?

[hadley222]

Talk to them. They may not be aware you hear every word. You never know if the other neighbours know a woman they would be interested in, and no woman would want to hear their views and be in any relationship with them.

[Ideasplease322]

I agree - talk to them.

They probably haven’t even thought about the neighbours. They might be mortified that little children are hearing their graphic conversations.

I was once on a family holiday and some guy was swearing his head off during a heated business call, in the pool bar. He yelled the f word and my nephew was clearly shocked. They man noticed my nephew’s look of horror and was mortified. We got a very sheepish apology. Sometime people forget themselves.

As long as you are reasonable about it and explain the conversation is very adult and you really don’t want to have to explain it all to your kids every day they should get the message. Or they might be arses. But worth a try.

[fuckingcovid]

I'd definitely have a pleasant word with them. Not in an accusatory way but something like, would you like your younger sister or mother hearing that? Or when you have children do you think you would like them hearing that sort of talk? You never know they might be receptive. If not maybe contact their landlord?

[Kat92]

Just let them know noise travels pretty far where you are and that you can hear them speak in detail about their sex life?
They might tone it down, they might not. But just try that before worrying about more "what ifs".

[CurbsideProphet]

As another poster has already said, I'm wondering what stressful shift work public sector jobs they do. It's not pleasant to think a man who openly and loudly calls women "snakes with tits" has a position of authority.