@rvby you have really by suggesting he’s mean and he’s far from it! He’s careful with money, overly so perhaps particularly on this occasion, but the opposite would be worse, as would being lazy, possessive, untrustworthy, cheating, The list goes on and he’s none of those things. It’s very easy to be judgemental over the internet, isn’t it!
@yoyo1234 thank you for your help, some really good points you’ve made. We purchased as joint tenants, not tenants in common, so that mitigates that issue. I do think we need to talk about wills again with the baby on the way though, so I will broach that topic. We’re very lucky in that both our parents/brothers sisters live very close by, so that will help, but I’m hoping the 75% combined with weekend working will limit any paid childcare we need, although I also think it’s good for a child’s development to socialise with other children and be more independent, so we’re not ruling it out entirely. We both agree about baby cost being joint, hence the new joint account for things like that. I think we both understand that if something unexpected happens we’ll have to adjust plans, but that’s also part of life and we can’t plan for every eventuality. It is a good point though and it would be worth us discussing some eventualities, so we both are better prepared. Wouldn’t it be more worrying if I weren’t saving for it? It’s a joint cost and responsibility, as you say, and I’m very aware of how expensive the first year can be. If I can make a work from home role work, then great and the savings can be used for the refurb instead, but if I can’t, I don’t want to rely solely on his savings to keep me afloat and there’s no way I can make SMP alone work. Unfortunately, we don’t think £100k will make it liveable, but there is a possibility it could get it structurally sound/plumbed etc to scrape the definitions required for a regular mortgage, but we won’t know that til further down the line. So we’re planning on worst case for now. Those are all considerations and nothing is set in stone, especially given the current ever changing corona situation, but I’ve always thought more time together as a family is something money just can’t buy.
@Motoko I will look it up, thank you. I think this will be a big separate conversation as well, as I’m not sure I’d want his properties left to me, I’d rather they went straight to the children, but I’ve no idea if this is possible/sensible/tax efficient. I definitely need more info. Equally weddings are expensive and there are also benefits to getting in our house sooner rather than later.
@user1471481356 the cash we have really is allocated to the refurb, but that may well be an idea for the future one the house is done.
@MrsGrindah @chatterbugmegastar wouldn’t you be if mr grindah’s character was being attacked by ill-informed people online? If you’ve read everything I think you’ll find I’ve been quite receptive to those with sensible suggestions, comments and ideas, it’s those who have been judgemental without being constructive or just plain rude that I take issue with.
@bluegreygreen that may have worked for you, but we and a lot of other couples want an element of independence in their relationships too. The loan is mine, it’s enabled me to build my career and contribute to all our futures, I own that and I’m proud of that and I want responsibility for that, the same for him and his houses. That works for us.
@Redlocks28 @EmbarrassedUser at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’ve used the word rent to describe the contribution I make towards the running cost of our household, I’m not sure what else to label it as. Unless you’re another one who thinks I should live for free?!
@Honeyroar if you do, I hope last week brought you good news.
@PeggySueOooOo good idea about the list, so we both know what we consider joint and separate. Also a good point about jointly funding either of our reduced incomes. I think we need to talk about this more thoroughly
@howfarwevecome I already know his answer, that’s the cheaper option so he’d probably jump at it! But I don’t want to get married just for the contract. Clearly a lot will disagree with me, but I want the celebration and the public proclamation, that means just as much to me as a signature
@weltenbummler @Chatterbugmegastar I did because I’m 34, not some naive teenager that accidentally got knocked up! And what you think comes across as concerned is actually pretty condescending. This baby is several years in the planning and wanted by us both and of course I know parenthood changes you, but I don’t think anyone is properly prepared for that before it happens, so I won’t pretend to be. I would argue that being aware of that and being aware of what I don’t (and can’t) know actually makes me less naive, which is why I’m trying to be as prepared and as informed as I can be, about what I can be, and why we’re having these discussions now. I have only been defensive where my fiancé or my judgement have been attacked, anyone who has made constructive comments without being patronising have been well received.
@billy1966 I think I’ve stated exactly the opposite! He is not mean, he is very kind and in a lot of ways a better person that I am! and I’ve said him being tight is his flaw, but nobody is perfect and being frivolous with money would be worse! So many have judged him as mean based on one scenario and it’s just not true, so why shouldn’t I defend him?! Would a mean person have got on their bike in the rain to help search for a stranger’s dog simply because it had been spotted locally?! He’s a good man and I’m very lucky in a lot of ways