To let you into a secret about being slim.....

[Yellow1793]

I’m 5’2” and an untoned size 10. Over the last year or so (lockdown excluded) I’ve spent extended amounts of time with 4 different female friends, who are all taller, slimmer and considerably more toned than me. Aside from the fact that they all exercise at least 5 times a week, they also eat like birds. Their lifestyle revolves around making healthy choices, every single day, and I’m beginning to wonder if you do this consistently if you just stop feeling hungry. One of them regularly skips lunch. Another never has more than 2 glasses of alcohol in one sitting. Another always eats about 30% less than I do.....last time I was with her she had a small pasta portion for her lunch whilst serving me 3x the amount of pasta she had AND 2 sausages. No wonder she is tiny. None of them calorie count or talk about diets because their lifestyle choice is one big diet. I’d love to have their discipline.

@GameofChess if I listened to my body I'd be twice the size I am (and I'm pretty heavy now). It wants to eat more than is good for it - not necessarily unhealthy food, although I do have a sweet tooth, but 200-300 more calories a day than it needs to maintain its weight.

@GameofChess you’ll see I clarified that what I meant from a purely calorie and weight gain standpoint whether it was the same to eat one large portion of something like cake or crisps than several smaller portion over a few days. I wasn’t advocating eating that way.

The whole of mumsnet is triggering for people with eating disorders. There’s a lot of very unhealthy attitude towards food here and I’d tell anyone struggling with their attitude to food to avoid this place like the plague.

MN is full of people dying to believe that all slim people starve themselves and exercise 5 days a week. Tell that to my kit kat habit.

Yeah, I'm also slim (well, tall and lanky really) and am, by BMI, underweight, although I think BMI is a very blunt instrument. I do exercise –cardio for about an hour once or twice a week, plus I don't drive so walk quite a lot –but 5 days exercise would kill me off. I eat loads (people I've cooked for and eaten with often say my portions/appetite are large) and have a crisps and chocolate habit. It must be partly just down to genes.

@VictoriousSockPuppet

The skinny people I know all move a lot. Nervous tics, OCD, constantly getting up to move or tidy things or walk/cycle EVERYWHERE. Moving a lot, constantly helps too

This was me until the menopause. I didn't sit still though did not go to the gym. Up until mid 40s I ate a lot of whatever I fancied and stayed at 7.5 stone, sometimes less.

It's a secret that the fewer calories you consume, the less you weigh? OK...

All the nopes.
I was 5'4" and 8 st all my adult life until I hit 50, and I could eat and drink whatever I liked and never gained. Butter, cream, whatever, I didn't have to hold back. And when I was involved in sports I would be absolutely ravenous and get seriously hangry if I didn't eat. My DH would serve us equal meals and then I would put huge dollops of delicious sour cream on top...you get the picture. DH thought it was because of brown fat. If it was, I have used it all up because I can't do that anymore.

So very little to do with calories.

The thing is, it's not like that for many people. I only eat when I'm hungry. I'm not fussy about what or how much. I stop when I'm full.

But as I wrote before, hunger is very much linked to how my body uses calories.

Working a physical job = not very hungry, full quicker, = fewer calories consumed over all compared to.

working a non physical job = feeling hungry nearly all the time. Harder to feel full. and quickly feel hungry again. = more calories consumed then daily recommended.

Add on top I feel more physically tired too, so harder to keep pushing myself to keep being active.

I do think lots of people struggle because of how their particular body's use calories.

This isn't a recent revelation to me, since teens I've worked physical jobs and non physical jobs plus being SAHM or part time. It is always the same, and not boredom or depression eating. It's just I am SO hungry if not moving constantly.

@WorraLiberty

Both of them (like my sister) will have a packet of crisps -eat 1/3 and put them in the fridge. Then the next day another 1/3 and so on....... My sister will take a bar of chocolate and cut it up into individual pieces -put each bit in cling film and have one a day as her "treat" or the 1/3 packet of crisps

What size are the packets of crisps and the chocolate bars?

If they're the standard 30g size crisps and standard 45g chocolate bars, then that behaviour is a bit odd imo.

However, if it's the £1 Grab bags and the £1 large bars that are now seen as 'standard' then it makes perfect sense to me.

Normal size -not large the 25g bags. And any chocolate bar will be cut up 1cm x 1cm type and wrapped in cling film. She then says " I eat loads of chocolate and crisps and I'm not fat" err. Yes -your lunch was a chicken salad and then a 1cm piece of chocolate. You had no breakfast and no dinner as you were "full from chicken and chocolate at lunch" as she would say.

Sometimes I think people don't realise how much of a difference to energy output (aka having more calories to spare so to speak) walking and generally not being sedentary makes. I have a Fitbit and like a pp said, cals may not be accurate but as a general measure of yourself the difference between popping out to the shops etc a few times and 2x school runs than on days I don't have much on makes ... even with exercise! Your overall movement over the day makes a massive difference.

My friend who was on furlough for about 15 weeks went from working in a town where she walked multiple times a day as part of her job to being inside but also took up running in lockdown but would only go 3x a week, no other movement in general ... she gained quite a few pounds! I have no doubt she was also eating more being at home all day but the walking and general movement made a huge difference

sorry pp comment should have had this quoted first

Today 10:50 GameofChess

PleasePassTheCoffeeThanks

Mmh there is some true to what you are saying.
I am slim, I eat what I want (definitely not always healthy food!) but then I don't eat when I don't feel hungry so usually I don't have breakfast and sometimes skip lunch or just have a piece of toast or a salad.
But then if I fancy a huge lunch I'll have it, without a second thought - I just listen to my body.

Yes. This is what I was trying to say. Eat when you’re hungry, don’t eat if you’re not hungry. Feel free to skip a meal or forget to eat if you’re not hungry or absorbed in something else.
Then food doesn’t become the thing you think about all the time.

@Yellow1793

I’m 5’2” and an untoned size 10. Over the last year or so (lockdown excluded) I’ve spent extended amounts of time with 4 different female friends, who are all taller, slimmer and considerably more toned than me. Aside from the fact that they all exercise at least 5 times a week, they also eat like birds. Their lifestyle revolves around making healthy choices, every single day, and I’m beginning to wonder if you do this consistently if you just stop feeling hungry. One of them regularly skips lunch. Another never has more than 2 glasses of alcohol in one sitting. Another always eats about 30% less than I do.....last time I was with her she had a small pasta portion for her lunch whilst serving me 3x the amount of pasta she had AND 2 sausages. No wonder she is tiny. None of them calorie count or talk about diets because their lifestyle choice is one big diet. I’d love to have their discipline.

It's true that the less you eat, over time, the stomach is able to handle smaller quantities, therefore you do feel fuller sooner.

I essentially do this. I do eat very small portions, but of whatever I like.

It's about stomach distensibility: www.stack.com/a/does-overeating-actually-stretch-your-stomach-the-answer-might-surprise-you

I love food but dont think about it much and rarely eat massive portions, hate the sensation of being really full

That really does sound like disordered eating Bemorechicken

Purple .. mm but as soon as the person eats the whole cake, they feel bad about themselves. They know that’s not how we’re supposed to eat. They know, somewhere inside, that it’s not a good survival mechanism because historically, they’d be punished for eating what should be shared food.

The healthier thing to do for their mental health would be to enjoy a reasonable piece, then if it’s still their tomorrow do the same thing, and so on.

Porcupineinwaiting if that works for you and you maintain a weight you’re happy with: fine.
Maybe what I’m advocating is more helpful to those who in the past have had problems with either lack of control or over-control with their eating.

I just think every single 12 year old girl (or younger, sadly, these days) should be made to read Fat is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach.

Then be questioned at length on its premise, to make sure they’ve fully absorbed it.

@NewYearNewTwatName

sorry pp comment should have had this quoted first

Today 10:50 GameofChess

PleasePassTheCoffeeThanks

Mmh there is some true to what you are saying.
I am slim, I eat what I want (definitely not always healthy food!) but then I don't eat when I don't feel hungry so usually I don't have breakfast and sometimes skip lunch or just have a piece of toast or a salad.
But then if I fancy a huge lunch I'll have it, without a second thought - I just listen to my body.

Yes. This is what I was trying to say. Eat when you’re hungry, don’t eat if you’re not hungry. Feel free to skip a meal or forget to eat if you’re not hungry or absorbed in something else.
Then food doesn’t become the thing you think about all the time.

Yes this too. I do make an evening meal for myself and Partner but other than that I'll eat something if I'm hungry, when I'm hungry through the day.

there tomorrow

Pandacub7

Bit of reach there I think. The OP said a small portion, not tiny, and we have no idea what that small portion actually looked like. Nor did the OP state how many calories they eat, in fact it was stated that the friends do not count calories so not sure where you got that from?

Honestly we are so out of touch with what a healthy diet should be that we consider anything that does not involve unlimited calories, contant eating, cake, crisps and alcohol disordered eating!! It's depressing.

Who keeps crisps in the fridge? That's all wrong

I definitely couldn't be bothered with cutting up chocolate and wrapping squares individually in cling film. What a palaver.

I agree with the point you're making though. There are slim people who eat what they want, i.e no food is off limits. It's all about the portion size.

If I fancy something, I'll eat a small amount of it.

I'm sceptical of any woman who claims to not monitor what they eat at all. I've never met a woman (fat or thin) who doesn't have a bad relationship with food on some level.

The healthier thing to do for their mental health would be to enjoy a reasonable piece, then if it’s still their tomorrow do the same thing, and so on.

Obviously. I agree with you.

Again, I was just wondering whether someone who ate an extra 700 calories on Saturday would gain more, less or the same weight as someone who ate an extra 100 calories every day. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an answer to that.

I really wasn’t asking if the best way to deal with what I’m sure some people would call “naughty” food is to eat it as quickly as possible so it’s gone but I can see how that first post of mine could be read that way.

I always want to know how celebrities never ever have a belly full of stretch marks. They walk around in bikinis when pregnant and when the babies born they pong back to toned and are never victim to stretch marks

Never seen one with them.

I've got a friend who I've known since school. Always been slim - a size 10. At school she was always on the move, not a great one for sports but would always be walking fast or running (mainly because she was always late but...)

Now she's approaching her 60s she still gets into her older clothes, she may be pushing towards a size 12... She doesn't do sport still but loves her walks, and still tends to walk fast - still hasn't got the time management under control!

She has never dieted (in the way I would) and she loves her food. She used to have a packed lunch at school. Always two sandwiches (and I mean the four slices of bread before that debate starts), a bag of crisps and piece of fruit AND a chocolate biscuit. But when she went home she'd eat all or a bit of her dinner according to how she felt - sometimes she'd just ask for another sandwich or a bowl of soup as she wasn't at all hungry. If she was full, she stopped eating. Her mum used to serve up everything in dishes so everyone could help themselves - none of them are overweight and never have been because they stop eating or add more food according to their needs. And they had a dessert every night - could be a piece of cake, could be a sponge and custard, could be yoghurt.

My mum served up on the plate and I tended to eat what was in front of me. So I never really learned the 'that was nice, time to stop' that my friend lives by.

Now, as she's in control of her own food, she has a plus and minus approach (as she calls it). So if she is heading out to a nice coffee shop or having a day out she'll skip breakfast. Then she can have cake with her coffee or an ice cream at the local beach or whatever. They sort of cancel each other out and the ice cream is more important to her than cereal and toast! If that trip sneaks up on her (an unexpected McDonalds with the grandkids for example) she'll skip breakfast the next day and only have half a sandwich that day for her lunch.

So she doesn't diet as in watching what she eats, never has a McD, won't have a second glass of wine. Her approach is more that she watches how she eats with checks and balances.

And at Christmas, or if she is on holiday or away for a weekend with her DH she enjoys good food, treats, cake or whatever - no holds barred. When she gets home she just does the half a sandwich for lunch and half the portion of potatoes/pasta or whatever for a week. It sort of balances out.

And she has never possessed a set of scales - she goes by clothes fitting.

The whole thing is interesting. Me and my partner were talking about it last night. I'm 'obese' by BMI, he's 'overweight'.

I hit puberty really late - later than 16 - and until that point was a right skinny mini. Like the rest of my family. When my boobs and hips arrived, everything else changed too. I was overweight for ages, then managed to get a handle on it a bit. BUT in order to do that I had to eat hardly anything at all.

My mum is a size 6 - 8. Always has been. My dad weighs 10 and a half stone. We once had them track their food, same as I was doing to lose weight, and found that my mum regularly ate 1000 calories a day, and my dad ate 1200. He has a very physical job. My GP suggested that I just have a very slow metabolism, and it's probably just hereditary.

I'm not sure I want to go through life eating so little, although not being obese would obviously be preferable!

Hormones, genes, sleeping habits, lifestyle. All impact weight, and for some people it's really hard to work out what will work to keep you slimmer, if that's what you're after.

Should add that both mum and dad had high cholsterol by 55 with history of high BP, and my dad was pre-diabetic by 60. I'm 47 and have BP on the floor - this winds my mum up. Ha.

I'm sceptical of any woman who claims to not monitor what they eat at all. I've never met a woman (fat or thin) who doesn't have a bad relationship with food on some level.

I'm not convinced that I have a relationship with food, good or bad.

Maybe that's the 'secret'.

I always want to know how celebrities never ever have a belly full of stretch marks. They walk around in bikinis when pregnant and when the babies born they pong back to toned and are never victim to stretch marks

Never seen one with them.

That is because the ones with them don't prance around in front of press photographers in skimpy bikinis and don't post pictures of themselves gurning in their undies on social media .

I think this is actually how it is. You are either naturally slim or you eat very little and work at it. Otherwise you fall into the overweight/obese category but it depends whether you want to work at it or not and whether being slim makes you happy

As there are people who think that weight is 'very little to do with calories', or that having a small piece of chocolate or a few crisps from a packet is 'disordered eating' or that not having cake when meeting friends is 'boring' it's hardly surprising that we have an obesity problem.

I've been slim all my adult life. I enjoy food. I have cake, crisps, chocolate etc when I feel like it, which I don't often, and like a small portion enjoyed slowly, really savoured, rather than chasing one mouthful quickly with another. I don't eat if I'm not hungry, nor starve myself if I am, but I don't like to feel 'stuffed' - I can always have more later if I'm hungry. And I don't really think about food unless I'm involved with buying, preparing or eating it.

And my pleasure in the company of friends is not affected by what I eat when I am with them.