To let you into a secret about being slim.....

[Yellow1793]

I’m 5’2” and an untoned size 10. Over the last year or so (lockdown excluded) I’ve spent extended amounts of time with 4 different female friends, who are all taller, slimmer and considerably more toned than me. Aside from the fact that they all exercise at least 5 times a week, they also eat like birds. Their lifestyle revolves around making healthy choices, every single day, and I’m beginning to wonder if you do this consistently if you just stop feeling hungry. One of them regularly skips lunch. Another never has more than 2 glasses of alcohol in one sitting. Another always eats about 30% less than I do.....last time I was with her she had a small pasta portion for her lunch whilst serving me 3x the amount of pasta she had AND 2 sausages. No wonder she is tiny. None of them calorie count or talk about diets because their lifestyle choice is one big diet. I’d love to have their discipline.

It's always funny when I read all the 'life's to short' from people who are so overweight that they can get their life actually shortened!

Anyway, I'm slim. I haven't always been but over 20 years ago, I decided to do something about the weight that I didn't like. Now, in my 40s, I eat whatever I like. I physically cannot eat before 11am, I love wine but more that one glass just tastes disgusting. I enjoy biscuits but I'm full after 3. I eat magnum ice cream at least 3 nights a week. Large portions of food doesn't fit in my tummy.

I enjoy everything I love, so PPs should stop speaking as though slim people aren't enjoying their food. Most of us are. We just don't need 3x the amount to do so.

Like @sandysix on the first page, the only time my BMI has been in the normal range has been when I eat very little, one meal a day and hungry most of the time.

I am small-framed and slim; always have been. Don't have any scales and never weigh myself, but I'm 5'5 and a size 6. I have two kids, and I am the same shape as I was when I was in my twenties. (I'm 50 now). I eat what I like and could do with cutting back on sugary stuff and doing some exercise (I'm not at all toned, look far better dressed).

The only time in my life I ever put on weight - don't know how much but I was noticeably rounder/heavier - was when I lived in the States for a few years. Portions were massive; I couldn't manage them at first, but slowly I got used to them and ate like everyone else. After about a year, dh and I started taking sandwiches to work instead of going out with everyone else, and I just started ordering less if we ate out in the evening (a starter instead of a main course, for example, as even the starters were enormous). Otherwise no restrictions - within a few months I was back to the way I was.

Otherwise, as I say, I sort of eat everything in moderation, I guess. I always have a glass or two of wine if we eat out (which we do quite a lot) but we rarely drink at home. I try to make sure we all eat a lot of vegetables and salads for health reasons, but otherwise we eat across the full healthy-junk spectrum.

I don't give it a lot of thought - although I wouldn't mind firming up my flabby bits, am essentially too lazy - and that's probably half the battle. My advice to anyone would be to start with portion size. You don't need to eat bird portions, but cut it down by a third or whatever. You'll soon get used to it.

(And I guess treat each glass of wine like a mars bar - which calorie-wise I think it is? - and maybe ease back on those too)

Yes. And when you do it enough you feel less hungry and dont want anything too rich or sugary.
I've done it before, but right now? I'm happy being a size 12 with a varied diet, c section pooch and thighs that touch.

In fact it's only through sheer will power that I'm a size 14-16. I could quite easily become morbidly obese. It's interesting because a lot of slim people say they eat whatever they want. If I genuinely ate everything I wanted to I'd be huge.

Their lifestyle revolves around making healthy choices, every single day, and I’m beginning to wonder if you do this consistently if you just stop feeling hungry - No. You don't actually need a lot of food to prevent hunger, just the right food

Another never has more than 2 glasses of alcohol in one sitting. What is the problem with that? Alcohol isn't good in excess, and believe it or not, you are allowed to just have 2 serves. I drink for the taste and rarely have more then one glass

Another always eats about 30% less than I do so she doesn't need as big a meal as you

No wonder she is tiny. None of them calorie count or talk about diets because their lifestyle choice is one big diet. You don't need to calorie count. I don't and have lost in excess of 30kilos. Eating well, and portion control

I’d love to have their discipline and you can have it. The only person stopping you, is you

I don’t drink at all and am still fat, if that makes any of you feel better.

I’m fat because I overeat and love everything that’s unhealthy. And am greedy. And treat myself to ‘something nice’ to make me feel better when I feel bad and ‘something nice’ to celebrate when I’m happy.

I do need to lose weight to be healthier and I want to feel better about the way I look as I don’t have great self esteem. I have always had bad habits but my metabolism dealt with it till I hit 30. I think there’s a healthy medium between deprivation and gluttony though, I just haven’t found it yet.

One thing that annoys me is that women can be so negative about age. I don't really believe that age automatically means your metabolic rates slows down and you put on weight, or at least I believe that a lot of people become more inactive as they age and put on weight as a result.

I've managed to lose my excess weight during lockdown and am nearly a size 8 again. As I'm short, I really don't look good when I put on much weight at all, and I feel so much better now. I haven't found it hard to lose weight, I've just been disciplined about dieting (with some cheat days) and exercising, although not more than an hour a day. I eat 800 calories a day while dieting, and even from losing the relatively small amount of weight (just over a stone) that I've done, I feel so much healthier and better about myself now. The way it was sitting on my hips and thighs and somehow around my back just meant I didn't feel my clothes sat right on me any more.

But I don't really consider that walking is exercise for me, it has to be a bit harder than that, either cycling or running!

People have different metabolisms and that's something we don't seem to want to recognise. I was a chubby kid who became a fat teenager in a family of slim people. My parents always cooked very healthy, non-processed food and my DM would spend hours on Sundays batch cooking meals for me and my siblings to eat during weekdays so that we would have a healthy meals.

It wasn't until I moved away after university and lived by myself that I fully appreciated that in my case, I couldn't eat the same serving size as my siblings and be slim, even if it's healthy food. For whatever reason my metabolism is slower and although I exercise regularly and always have, I have to eat less than others to be a healthy weight. I've had my thyroid checked and I'm in good health.

It's not a mystery I'm afraid, it's just the boring sad reality that some of us can't eat as much as others if we want to be slim.

My 3 adult sons and their father (and his father for that matter who lived to 90) are all about 10 and a half stone (which is my weight although I am much shorter). One of my sons and I were both trying to swap a stone last summer - me to lose, he to gain and it was interesting to see - he really doesn't eat much. Yesterday even he said he had been out with friends and hadn't really noticed he hadn't eaten. I eat a lot and people saying they could never manage a 1000 calorie meal! It's dead easy for some of us - even a 1000 calorie bag of nuts and raisins I can down in a short while.

Food doesn't taste nice if you over eat.
If you love your food (I do) then you stick to moderate portions because it tastes so much better that way. It's (lighthearted!!) "criminal" to not have food taste its very best.

I think getting into a habit of eating healthily helps. I used to eat heaps of salad and cut out junk food - eventually I lost my taste for crisps and milk chocolate etc and when I tried it again I found it all too salty and sweet. If you make healthily eating enjoyable then it becomes a way of life. And you can still enjoy good food alongside it.

I have PCOS. Even eating very little doesn't do much for me apart from making me feel ill.

I know a few people who are slim and toned but eat a lot as they need to eat the calories to do the amount of exercise they do. They still lose weight and are really toned. I did the Insanity Workout last year and had to eat about 5-6 meals a day (was forcing the food down in the end) all high protein healthy meals. I lost 2 stone.

I wonder how long you would have to do it to stop feeling hungry. Whenever I have tried to diet (not for a long time now) I always get hungrier and hungrier as they days go by. Admittedly it never lasts for longer than a week or two.

@Sistery

I don’t drink at all and am still fat, if that makes any of you feel better.

I’m fat because I overeat and love everything that’s unhealthy. And am greedy. And treat myself to ‘something nice’ to make me feel better when I feel bad and ‘something nice’ to celebrate when I’m happy.

I do need to lose weight to be healthier and I want to feel better about the way I look as I don’t have great self esteem. I have always had bad habits but my metabolism dealt with it till I hit 30. I think there’s a healthy medium between deprivation and gluttony though, I just haven’t found it yet.

I think we are twins!

@Rainbunny

People have different metabolisms and that's something we don't seem to want to recognise. I was a chubby kid who became a fat teenager in a family of slim people. My parents always cooked very healthy, non-processed food and my DM would spend hours on Sundays batch cooking meals for me and my siblings to eat during weekdays so that we would have a healthy meals.

It wasn't until I moved away after university and lived by myself that I fully appreciated that in my case, I couldn't eat the same serving size as my siblings and be slim, even if it's healthy food. For whatever reason my metabolism is slower and although I exercise regularly and always have, I have to eat less than others to be a healthy weight. I've had my thyroid checked and I'm in good health.

It's not a mystery I'm afraid, it's just the boring sad reality that some of us can't eat as much as others if we want to be slim.

But surely you reach fullness on smaller portions?

e.g. You burn 500 calories sitting doing nothing for 6 hours.
Your siblings burns 700 calories sitting doing nothing for 6 hours.

Lunch time - you need a 500 cal meal and your siblings need 700 cals.

Why is that a sad reality? If you're both eating you're full then there's no denial or sadness.

I think there is balance to be had. I’m 50 and a size 12, I am probably a stone more than I should be as have put weight on over the last year. I try to make healthy choices but I also like cake, alcohol, snacks etc. I don’t exercise even though I know I should and I’m not toned although I would say Im relatively healthy and love walking. My SIL is the same age as me, is small and tiny. I would say she’s a size 4 and is no bigger than my 12 year old DD, she looks fantastic but she runs 3 time’s a day every day & only eats 2 very small meals a day and even when we’ve been round and she’s piling everyone’s plates up she never eats the same as the rest of us and will eat a bowl of salad and just drinks coffee the rest of the time. I am envious of how good she looks BUT would I want to have the same restrictions she puts on herself? No I wouldn’t. It’s all about choice I guess and she has definitely got more will power and motivation than I have but I would feel so miserable if I put the same restrictions on myself that she does even if ultimately I looked better, I don’t think I would be any happier.

Size 10 is slim, the reason you are untoned is because you don't exercise.

I really don't understand the point of this post??

My SIL is the same age as me, is small and tiny. I would say she’s a size 4 and is no bigger than my 12 year old DD, she looks fantastic but she runs 3 time’s a day every day & only eats 2 very small meals a day and even when we’ve been round and she’s piling everyone’s plates up she never eats the same as the rest of us and will eat a bowl of salad and just drinks coffee the rest of the time

What an awful way to live. She won’t look fantastic in ten years time even if she does now. Which I very much doubt.

I'm aged 40 and 5.5 weight at 57kg. I also gave birth 7 months ago.

I don't diet, eat when and what I like without a second thought. Genes and hormones play a huge role, what you ate and did as a child also has a big role to play, weight training and no crash diets which affect your metabolic rate. Managing stress preventing cortisol production also vital. Managing weight by clothes, I have never bought clothes because I've grown out of them. If my pants are too tight, I cut out the junk for a week and drink lots of water then I'm back to my usual weight. This keeps you in check as well.

Yes these changes (smaller portions, skipping meals) become automatic and you don't think about them any more.

It's the best way to be slim, rather than counting every single calorie and always wishing you could have more!

@Staffy1 Glad I’m not the only one!

I don't know anyone who has been overweight and then managed to remain slim for a long time.

I have been obese (probably BMI around 33 or so, but I was not weighing myself either) - I have also stayed at a BMI between 20 and 22 for the last ten years, I eat a lot of all sorts of stuff, crisps and ice cream every day in the summer almost certainly, meals are generally substantial, I make no conscious effort to limit what I eat or consciously limit it at any time.

Why is that a sad reality?

All I mean is that there is no magic cure to lose weight. The sad reality I refer to in my case is the fact that I need to eat smaller servings of food to be slim than many other people. It's fine for me, I don't have a big appetite anyway but the diet industry is as profitable as it is for a reason. People would love to believe that there's some magical answer when the "sad reality" is just that some of us need to eat less food than the norm to be slim.

What IS frustrating is that I often have to defend my smaller portion sizes when I'm in a group meal situation. People who didn't know me as a child or teenager don't understand that I was not always slim and that I will always have to watch how much I eat.