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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Minor ethical dilemma- What should I do?

219 replies

FredaFrogspawn · 06/08/2020 19:55

I found some sunglasses where we were sitting while in a big busy London park with DGC - they played with them for a bit and we hung out in that spot for a while (maybe 45 minutes- 1 hour). I took them home as no one came back for them and I thought they were fairly cheap. I am not at all into fashion and am clueless about things like this, having never bought sunglasses for more then a tenner myself.

I have just googled them and they’re £185. I feel bad for whoever lost them.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
Cam77 · 07/08/2020 07:38

And honestly, in these times (any times?) why would you let grandkids put on their faces an item that a complete stranger has recently had on theirs, plus handling, etc etc. Your choices were all weird in the extreme I’m afraid!

ElainaElephant · 07/08/2020 08:38

I don’t have any friends in that area who might use a local Facebook site. (v expensive housing around)

I guess only poor people are interested in their local community.

Which is odd, because our local Facebook group has people from all walks of life, including a very high profile person who has very nice houses in very nice places. And our local MP, who is great at keeping us up to date with coronavirus guidelines.

What a strange judgment to make.

TableFlowerss · 07/08/2020 08:43

@squeekums

Bloody hell... Ive never backtracked to find lost sunnies OR expect id see them again. Its my own fault for losing them. Why should i expect random strangers to go out of their way to return sunnies?

Op youve gone to more effort than i would, i wouldnt have even made a MN thread lol

£185 sunnies, I’d back track for a week 😂
DDemelza · 07/08/2020 09:21

Agree with PP that this is crime of the century and that what you did is tantamount to genocide.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 07/08/2020 09:32

Some people on here must find wearing a halo 24/7 chafes a bit.

I absolutely refuse to accept that the sanctimonious thief-criers on here would all just leave a tenner on the floor, or rush it to a police station. We found a tenner last weekend and bought two pints with it. However, I also gave £50 to charity last weekend. just

Does that make me an angel, a devil, or, just like the OP, a normal, essentially decent person just muddling through life?

Andthewinnerislucky · 07/08/2020 10:29

You know what, on second thoughts, I've realised that the issue here isn't that OP found something and took it (after the owner didn't show up at the 'expected time'). I can see this is normal to OP and other PP. Fine, we're all different. It's not normal to me, I don't pick up ANYTHING I find except for specific cases (like a wallet, as mentioned in my previous post). I've also gone back to a shop to pay £1 (Yes, one pound) for an item I had in my hand but forgot to pay for. The lady at the till was surprised I bothered. It's just me. I definitely don't think it makes me sanctimonious or a saint. I'm so very far from one - I'm sure I do some 'not normal' things you wouldn't do.

That said, I can see the actual issue here is that OP realised this item is valuable and wants to know what do with them. OP has gotten good suggestions and if none of them work, keep the glasses as normal. Hopefully, the owner won't miss them.

I take back all my posts talking about taking the item in the first place, regardless of the awareness of worth - I can see this isn't a problem to OP and some PP. Those posts aren't necessary here in that case. We just see things differently.

Original poster
FredaFrogspawn · 07/08/2020 10:33

I don’t have any friends in that area who might use a local Facebook site. (v expensive housing around)

I guess only poor people are interested in their local community.

Which is odd, because our local Facebook group has people from all walks of life, including a very high profile person who has very nice houses in very nice places. And our local MP, who is great at keeping us up to date with coronavirus guidelines.*

This is very wilful misinterpretation of what I said. I simply meant that I don’t have any friends in the area because it‘s a very privileged part of London who I could ask for help. I have no idea who uses Facebook community sites because I’ve never used it ever. My friends are, like me, not moving in those circles. The park isn’t especially local to me. I set up a Facebook account last night on the suggestion of someone here but still can’t find an appropriate site yet - my general lack of understanding about how it works I’m sure. I’ll ask a more Facebook savvy relative to help me.

Another sin to add the the enormous and growing list of my massive personality deficits as outlined on here.

Once again, thank you for the helpful posts. I do agree with lots being said and it’s informing my actions.

OP posts:
ElainaElephant · 07/08/2020 10:40

Not a 'wilful misinterpretation' at all. Just saying it as it sounded.

'I don't have any friends in that area' is very different to 'I don’t have any friends in that area who might use a local Facebook site. (v expensive housing around)'

Original poster
FredaFrogspawn · 07/08/2020 10:56

It felt like a totally unnecessary extra kick when I’m getting a right old pasting anyway. Unkind.

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 07/08/2020 11:11

If you'd left them where they were, someone else would have picked them up, whether they knew they were expensive or not.

I wouldn't bother with the Police, as I doubt the person who lost them would try there.

I'd get in touch with the park as it is them that the owner might contact.

And then I'd totally forget about it. It's not exactly Brinks Mat, is it?

ElainaElephant · 07/08/2020 11:14

I haven't read what everyone else has posted, but my comment was that it's a strange judgment to make.

It was an observation, based on a misinterpretation due to lack of clarity.

You are entitled to feel that it is unkind. It wasn't intended to make you feel bad, more to make you think about why you would think that people with money aren't community minded (which is how it came across)

Original poster
FredaFrogspawn · 07/08/2020 11:19

Ok, fair point. I don’t for one second think that but can see how my badly worded post might have given that impression.

Perhaps you can suggest what I should use in my new Facebook account search bar to find a community website? The only one I found wants you to put in the road you live in before you can join and as I don’t live there, I can’t do that without lying.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 07/08/2020 11:21

it would be nice to put up a post on the local facebook group, but other than that I think youre overthinking it

ElainaElephant · 07/08/2020 11:22

You could try messaging one of the admins to ask if they could post it up in the group? Or if in the questions bit they have a place for you to type, say no and explain there why you are asking to join?

Original poster
FredaFrogspawn · 07/08/2020 11:23

How do I do that when I can’t join the group? I’m totally new to this. Can I message a group without joining?

OP posts:
Original poster
FredaFrogspawn · 07/08/2020 11:23

I couldn’t get past the bit where they need to know which road you live in.

OP posts:
ChangeThePassword · 07/08/2020 11:26

This is on my phone, it might be slightly didn't on a student device. If you click on the name of the group, you get to an about section that shows members. Click on members to see the admins.

ElainaElephant · 07/08/2020 11:27

You should be able to find a place where it lists the admins, even if you aren't a member.

Original poster
FredaFrogspawn · 07/08/2020 11:32

I’ve just revisited my new Facebook page today and they have let me in even without a street! So I have posted about the sunglasses. Fingers crossed. I used a random name but am freaked by Facebook throwing up everyone I have ever known as recommendations for friends. This is why I don’t use Facebook.

OP posts:
ThisLittleLady · 07/08/2020 11:35

Maybe put a wee note on fb if you’re worried?? No point handing them to police. Person who left them has probably written them off now. Not sure what more you could do. I wouldn’t put a pic of fb tho, cos you will get some chancer wanting a nice free pair of shades! The person who lost them would be able to describe them to you.

TheKarenWhoKnocks · 07/08/2020 13:05

Well I live in a lovely area where cheery poverty stricken pensioners rub shoulders with footballers, my MP has solved covid, AIDS and myxamitosis and none of us wear sunglasses. I have never HEARD such blatant reverse snobbery. Rich people are people too, you monster.

Crabeyes · 07/08/2020 17:14

you could sell them and give the proceeds to charity. In the real world I'd sell them and take the family for a slap up meal

But only on a mon to wed this month!

Fixitquick · 07/08/2020 17:37

Years ago I was sat in Kew gardens and left my sunglasses on the bench I walked back about 3 minutes later and a lady was sat down I asked if she had seen my sunglasses she said no I was gutted she had clearly picked them up what could I do Shock I was so upset as they had cost me a weeks wages. I know this isn't what happened to you but I would post on Facebook or whatever and ask person to identify glasses so you know it's the correct owner.

Handonheart · 07/08/2020 17:39

Not sure if you live near the park and if returning is an option to leave a note. Like the idea of leaving a message with park-keeper. If all else fails, sell them and give a chunk (all?) to charity. Hopefully the person can make an insurance claim.

smalloranges · 07/08/2020 17:40

Which park was it? Depending on which one, you could put a notice on the NextDoor website to see if someone comes forward to claim them.

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