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Original poster

To feel sad looking at ex's WhatsApp status and his GF. I can't help it!!

104 replies

whatsappcurse · 06/08/2020 09:04

I’ve written about my ex on here, I left him he didn’t leave me. I just couldn’t deal with his laziness, and there was just a lot that was going on in our marriage. There was no abuse or cheating, just fucking laziness from his part. It wasn’t a bad ‘bad’ marriage as such.

He’s moved on, and he’s the sort of person who likes to take pictures of what he eats or been. He does it whether he’s with his mum, friends or girlfriend. So I know he’s not doing it to ‘show her off’.

But it just hurts like hell to see him post pictures on his WhatsApp status of them being out and about, to nice fancy restaurants. They’ve been eating out since Monday because of the 50% off discount thing, yesterday he took her to this really nice high end steak house in London he’s always talked about going when we were together, but just never went. I could see it was that restaurant because of the menu card on the table. It was so hard seeing her there with her nicely done nails eating steak with him. I’m also jealous that we just never went out like that, but he’s always going out with her.

I can’t block him because we have children together, I’ve tried to mute his WhatsApp status so I don’t see his pictures. But I can still see it, it’s just not at the top with all the other WhatsApp statuses. I find myself constantly looking at his status, I can’t help it. I wish I could just block him. We have an OK relationship apart from this.

I’m just sad that her and her daughter are living the life my children and I should be living. I know I left him, but had it not been for his laziness we would still have been together 😔

OP posts:
Quarantino · 06/08/2020 11:09

So if it was what I consider a WhatsApp status, which is the only thing I have as described above and have had for 5 years, that he was updating then I'd consider that very odd and a really weird PA way of getting to you. But if it's a normal set of 'posts' or whatever then less so.

TwentyViginti · 06/08/2020 11:12

@oakleaffy

It is possible to turn off the blue ticks that mean ''seen''...they just stay grey. Nit sure how it's done...I thought someone I knew wasn't being my messages, but she replies..she said she turned off the ''seen'' part of the messages.
It's in settings, privacy, read receipts. If turned off, your contacts won't see blue ticks, and you won't see theirs. There is also 'last seen' which you can turn off. Again it goes both ways.
popcornlover · 06/08/2020 11:13

He sounds really boring anyway OP; people who try to look interesting on social media are without fail deadly dull in real life. It would fit that you say he’s lazy. It’s the people who don’t have a false life online that have the charisma.

TwentyViginti · 06/08/2020 11:13

Oh except for group chats.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 06/08/2020 11:16

so he goes to restaurants? - doesn't mean he isn't still a lazy twat (not to mention tedious enough post photographs of his every breath).
You left him, which sounds like a sensible move - but you can't expect him to stay on his own forever.
He was obviously less lazy about moving on - or maybe he just needed to find someone to deal with a backlog of laundry and washing up.

Cheeseandwin5 · 06/08/2020 11:16

I don't quite understand this problem,, you left him because you say he was lazy, but still care for him. If that is the case why dont you want him to be happy? Are you really the kind of person that would want him suffering for months on end after you dumped him?
Be happy for him and you can now get on with meeting someone you are more suited with.

Ullupullu · 06/08/2020 11:16

I agree with @Honeybobbin - he knows you are looking at the status updates. He can see you are looking. He is choosing to update with exciting looking venues and things to upset you. After all, you dumped him. Definitely stop looking. Maybe block and ask him to only text or call about the kids.

MarshaBradyo · 06/08/2020 11:18

Don’t use WhatsApp to chat to him

Go cold turkey and text instead

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 06/08/2020 11:38

@Boom45 I thought the same, never heard of WhatsApp being used in that way.

OP, I think you're being naive to think it hasn't crossed his mind that you'll see those pics/statuses. A photo with the menu conveniently in shot? It's deliberate. You dumped him and he's got something to prove. You're playing right into his hands by checking in with what he's doing.

And from experience, people who live their lives on social media always have some shit going on in the background. It's all staged.

Ask him to text you from now on re the kids. Then block him on WhatsApp. Make a list of the reasons you left him. Check it frequently. And make nice plans for yourself with the kids or friends. Flowers

fwwaftp · 06/08/2020 11:49

Block him on whatsapp for a start as others have suggested and only communicate via text.
However, unless you completely delete him from your phone he will still appear in your list in whatsapp and when you search for someone else's name to send a message to, his photo will pop up if the person's name begins with the same letter or has letters in common.
I would really like to know how you can keep a contact on your phone but not have them in WhatsApp. (in your case because you need to message him about the children; in my case because I have the wanker ex blocked so I can't receive calls and texts).
There seems to be no way to stop it and this has meant that over the last few months I've had to see his fucking face in his profile pic when I've searched for others. And every fucking time another photo of somewhere lovely he's been.
If anyone here knows how to get rid of the fucker from WhatsApp but not from the phone, please let us know!!

Also is it only the status updates where people can see if you have looked at it, or your profile pic too?

msflibble · 06/08/2020 11:56

He's for sure doing it to show off by the way. My whatsapp picture is of a pet I had 5 years ago and I never change it. The most insecure people I know tend to be the ones who show off all the fun they're having constantly on various social media accounts.
First rule of social media (imho): those who appear to be having the most fun are often having the least

fwwaftp · 06/08/2020 11:58

And yes, OP, I know exactly what you mean. My ex and his new gf aren't posting photos of them together yet but it was bad enough with them separately posting photos of places they were together - him on WhatsApp and her on facebook. I have her blocked on facebook now but as I've said, unfortunately I can see his fucking profile pic on WhatsApp even when I don't want to.
I feel the same as you. My ex was a useless wanker and never made time for me - or rarely at least. We could have done so many things but he was always busy with hobbies and getting sloshed with mates after work. He was very disrespectful and probably wasn't serious about the relationship whereas I was. Now he's all over the place with her, a woman significantly older than himself when he told me I was too old for him and he wanted a young, pretty "girl". (I was 10 years older than him and she is over 20 years older than him). He is also going to very expensive places with her whereas he wouldn't with me because it was a waste of money, he said.
It really does hurt. I'm telling myself that:

  1. it's corona time - so most of his hobbies have been cancelled and he has nothing else to do but entertain his new gf
  2. it's all new and shiny at the moment and the guy's a complete arsehole so at some point he'll start messing her around
  3. I actually wouldn't want to be there with him doing those things with him because I know that with him for every 1 day that was fabulous, there were at least 30 that were shit and
  4. When I think of going on a holiday to a luxury hotel, a new city I've never visited, climbing a mountain, going to a concert - I can imagine doing those things on my own or with another bloke at some point in the future when I am ready for a new relationship and not with a drunken, disrespectful, lying piece of shit.

Try to think about it like that perhaps. Would you actually want to be there eating a fancy meal with him after all that's gone on?

Sarah510 · 06/08/2020 12:03

OP you HAVE to stop torturing yourself. Because you have kids together he's always going to be in your life, at least until they are grown up. I feel for you, it's horrible, even though you were the one who initiated the break up. I'd agree with posters who say he is winding you up. I don't know the ins and outs of WhatsApp but can you just delete him and use something else to contact him? Email or just plain old text messages? Take it from someone who has been there, you need to cut him out of your life as much as possible. I found visualisations and tapping quite good - like every time he comes into your mind you try and distract yourself. I think of it like 'breaking the ties' Every time the person comes into my mind I try and distract my thoughts, stop them from rabbiting on, as they do, and mentally just saying 'stop' and try and concentrate on something else. It's really hard. Hugs (((( )))))

TrickorTreacle · 06/08/2020 12:04

Where the heck do you see someone's WhatsApp status? If the OP mean the little circles by each name, then that's an avatar. People do change their avatars occasionally.

unicornparty · 06/08/2020 12:10

Nobody updates WhatsApp statuses do they? I have loads of contacts and the only one that does is my 10 year old niece, plus it's on a different tab so you have to deliberately go there to look at them.

HoppingPavlova · 06/08/2020 12:11

Ehh, I’ve not got What’s App but manage nicely communicating with everyone including my (adult) kids. Get off it. It’s causing you issues. You don’t truely need to be on it. Communicate via another medium that saves you the angst.

MatildaTheCat · 06/08/2020 12:14

Console yourself with the knowledge that leopards don’t change their spots and in no time at all he will be dropping his dirty pants on her floor rather than yours.

A picture on SM is actual fake news.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 06/08/2020 12:15

Who knew WA had an ability for users to update their status?! Thought it was purely a free messaging service & good for organising group things.

As every other poster has said, ditch the App and just use text instead. Kinder to your head.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/08/2020 12:15

He’s probably taken her out because he can’t be arsed to cook.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 06/08/2020 12:17

First, do not lose track of the key factor: you are no longer together because he is lazy, no amount of money wasted in restaurants and outings is going to change that.

Second, stop looking, tell him you prefer to communicate by text only and put him in silent.

My ex became properly loaded after we split (by taking advantage of me in the first place and then by his own effort). I have actively avoided looking him up, and to save my sanity and stop the insane amount of bitchy gossip going on both directions, I also cut off all people we knew who couldn’t keep their mouth shut. It is bliss.

BlueJava · 06/08/2020 12:21

I can see that's hard, but consider he might be in a "honeymoon" phase with her, and therefore doing stuff now... but will go back to being lazy. Secondly, maybe she is doing all the arranging and he's just tagging along - things can look very different in pics to how they actually are! I don't think you should continue to enable yourself to view his pics, tell him it's text or email only.

wheretonow123 · 06/08/2020 12:21

Is it a part of a WhatsApp group that you are seeing the status?

You could leave the group that he is updating but still comunicate with him for family stuff.

CopperBeeches · 06/08/2020 12:25

You and he were not a good fit. He and the new GF might be a better fit.

Just because you thought he was lazy does not mean that that is a definitive character trait. I have had men think I was dull and yet others who thought the opposite. I was just dull with A and not with B.

Agree with pps - go out to dinner yourself with a friend if that is what you want. And if it is not then that might be why it didn't happen with ex.

loobyloo1234 · 06/08/2020 12:26

For those asking, bottom left of your Whatsapp - Status - people add videos and photos to it. Its like instagram stories. Its been around for years. Only narcissists tend to use it mind Smile

UseItUp · 06/08/2020 12:30

Honeybobbin

No-one updates WhatsApp like that! He's deliberately winding you up!

Agree. Who constantly updates their Whatsapp status?

Just tell him your WhatsApp’s not working, block him, and deal with him via text.

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