Would you be ok with your husband going to the cinema with a female friend?

[JizzPigeon22]

I have a friend who I’ve known since I was 3 years old. Last year he got a job in a pub directly across the road from my house so I see him quite often as he will occasionally stop by after a shift for a coffee or to see my kids, who they refer to as their uncle, they’re all very close. Over the years we’ve been to festivals together, holidays, camping trips etc. He was the best man at my wedding. Last year my husband passed away and my friend was great in helping sort things out, and just to have someone to chat to. We both like marvel films, which his wife hates, so when the new avengers film came out last year he bought tickets for the first showing as it was at 12 noon so we had time to watch it before getting the kids from school. His wife was at work and he was doing the school run.
She went absolutely apoplectic with rage when she found it. Said that going to the cinema was something couples do, I was desperate to get a man because my husband had died and now I was lonely etc. My friend was so disgusted with her that it almost ended their marriage.
I hadn’t really thought about it till today when it came up in conversation with 2 other friends who had very different views. One was of the opinion that it was fine, the other of the opinion that it’s never ok for men and women who are married to socialise like that as it’s disrespectful.

Aibu to think the cinema with a friend is fine? She’s fine with him coming to my house but not the cinema? I just found it such a bizzare reaction and the nasty things she said about me following my husbands death were pretty unforgivable.

I am sorry OP, but honestly, I would feel uncomfortable because you are a young widow who has lost the man in her life and now has a gaping hole that needs to be filled. And you live right across the street. And you are probably sending off massive signals whether you are aware of them or not that you miss those normal experiences of companionship you used to share with your husband. And your level of appreciation could be highly attractive to any male within a 30 mile radius, because what wife under normal circumstances can compete with that?
WTAF have I just read? A pregnant, very recently widowed woman has a gaping hole that needs filled? You must have a really low opinion of men and women to write that sort of shit.

A movie is a date activity, no matter when it takes place. Was his wife watching their kids while he was seeing the movie, and if he didn't tell her, and If you knew this was happening, then you are surely taking the piss to pretend that it was anything else.

I'm not going to say RTFT @Durgasarrow, try just reading the opening post before spouting total drivel. I hope none of your friends lost their husbands and had to deal with your utter bullshit on top of their bereavement.

@Durgasarrow

I am sorry OP, but honestly, I would feel uncomfortable because you are a young widow who has lost the man in her life and now has a gaping hole that needs to be filled. And you live right across the street. And you are probably sending off massive signals whether you are aware of them or not that you miss those normal experiences of companionship you used to share with your husband. And your level of appreciation could be highly attractive to any male within a 30 mile radius, because what wife under normal circumstances can compete with that? A movie is a date activity, no matter when it takes place. Was his wife watching their kids while he was seeing the movie, and if he didn't tell her, and If you knew this was happening, then you are surely taking the piss to pretend that it was anything else.

We should lock all the widows in somewhere 👀 Irresistible they are in their grief.

Idiot. At least read the fucking thread

Yeah. I agree. I’d like to believe that men and women can just be friends but every platonic male friend I’ve ever had has tried it on with me at some point or another.

I’m telling myself that the reason NONE of my male friends has ever hit on me is NOT because I am hideous but because they are decent blokes in love with their wives and I choose my friends well......

My mum is a widow and some of you people disgust me.

Embarrassing some of you. Hope it never happens to you. Dickheads

It wouldn't bother me, and if it was a shared interest between you two o would consider you doing me a favour so I didn't have to go with him!

No, I wouldn't like it. Especially with the awareness that his female friend was privy to all our life and relationship business. What's to like, actually? He's probably playing you off against each other and getting his kicks out of it.

Well he's gone apeshit with his wife and you also feel you're in the right. You are his priority I think, so maybe you will end up together somehow. In his wife's shoes I wouldn't put up with you. & It's not jealousy, just not the relationship dynamic I'd be bothered with. I have male friends but I'm not the person I was years ago. I've grown up & am in a relationship so although we're still mates, they will never take priority over my DP and I don't talk with them about our relationship either.

Too many women out there who won't say anything because they're scared to lose their man so they pretend to be cool with it.

I would feel uncomfortable because you are a young widow who has lost the man in her life and now has a gaping hole that needs to be filled

FFS

@Durgasarrow, I can tell you right now, that 3 months after my DH died, though yes, he left a huge empty space in my life, the VERY LAST thing I wanted was another man taking up that space. Eight years on and I still don't. My closest friend of 12 years is male and I still don't have the slightest twitch of sexual interest in him, nor do I want him to be my life partner. He's my friend.

Seriously, I can hardly believe your post. People like you make the lives of those of us who are widowed infinitely more difficult.

Would just like to not that I’m plenty capable of filling my own holes. Emotionally, sexually and also when doing DIY.

@JizzPigeon22

Would just like to not that I’m plenty capable of filling my own holes. Emotionally, sexually and also when doing DIY.

I don't believe you. Pretty sure you are wandering streets all days and nights moaning "Menzzzzz. Need menzzzzz"

I’m so sad for the women on this thread who clearly just view themselves and other women as fuck holes for men.

Regardless of the rights and wrongs, I don't think I'd want to be the cause of a big upset for another woman. We're all different and this woman is entitled to not be comfortable about this. Some people are insecure, we can't dictate how they should be.

I think what I have gleaned from this thread op is that some women would be fine with it and others not so much.

Your friends wife is a ‘not so much’ and whilst you might not agree with her stance on it, you don’t really get a say. I

t’s between her and her husband and it might end up being that you don’t get to do this type of activity together.

I think it was wrong of her to say those things to you, but I doubt they would have come out of the blue. The amount of time he spends with you is probably a bone of contention to her and I don’t know the circumstances...but that may be fair enough?

He’s your friend, but he should be her best friend.

Crikey, no I wouldn't have a problem.
I don't think cinema is a couple's thing at all. It's a first few dates when you need something to talk about. Otherwise it's a friends thing. Go with someone who wants to watch the same sort of thing.

His wife has left him @DBML and moved in with her own male friend.🤔

@DioneTheDiabolist

His wife has left him *@DBML* and moved in with her own male friend.🤔

Then as he’s single, what’s the problem then? I was confused? Is his wife mad or not mad? If she’s moved on as a op post says, I’m bemused by the need for the thread.

All those saying they wouldn't have a problem with it....the only thing that matters is...this wife DOES. Surely that's all that's relevant.

No because you don’t own your spouse! You should not get to dictate who your spouse spends time with. It’s revolting. I just could not imagine for a second ever being ok with doing that to somebody. It’s controlling, insecure and shows that you think women are just sec objects rather than human beings that can hold a conversation and actually have value intellectually to your “irresistible” husbands.

@DBML literally reading the opening post will explain everything you’re confused about. Read the thread before commenting.

His wife was madder than mad and threw him out briefly @DBML. Some months later she left him with the children and moved in with her male friend.

You can read all the OP's posts in a thread now.

@JizzPigeon22

No because you don’t own your spouse! You should not get to dictate who your spouse spends time with. It’s revolting. I just could not imagine for a second ever being ok with doing that to somebody. It’s controlling, insecure and shows that you think women are just sec objects rather than human beings that can hold a conversation and actually have value intellectually to your “irresistible” husbands.

Yes! Plus the question of who on earth bisexuals are supposed to be able to go to watch Marvel films with hasn't really been answered by those who are feeling uncomfortable with their spouses attending a WHOOSH BANG, LOUDER BANG, CUTE SOUNDTRACK, REMEMBERING THE BACKSTORY OF THE ENTIRE MCU AT ALL TIMES film with another human being.

Hi op, so you were literally just rethinking an old event today. The explanation in your op made me think that you were somehow still dealing with it.

Anyway. My opinion still stands ‘generally’.

You might think that one spouse does not get a say over who another spouse hangs out with...but you have even less say in the matter.

For instance, let’s say I didn’t want my husband to hang out with Susan (made up person). It might be wrong for me to give him an ultimatum - it’s her or me...but I might.
He then has to choose and he may love me to bits and decide to go along with my wishes. Poor Susan looses her pal.

Now, you might think that’s awful (and in reality I do too), but in other people’s relationships you just don’t get a say and you just have to respect whatever they choose. Or you become equally as unfair, putting pressure on a friend.

I don’t own my husband, but I know he would do anything for me. I could easily make him pick me over others if I were that way inclined. Unfair, but not illegal and nothing anyone else can do about it.

All that is irrelevant though if she’s left your friend anyway and it doesn’t sound like something you have to deal with.

Again, read the op hun.

I agree with you wholeheartedly Jizzpigeon. It’s utterly bizarre to me how little people apparently value friends - there are actually people out there who think having a close friendship or having emotional needs fulfilled by someone other than a partner is wrong, which just blows my mind. I’d hate to feel like my partner had to be EVERYTHING to me. I don’t want a partner who’s also a best friend - I’ve got friends to be friends and a partner to be a partner... both can and should be equally as important. The misogyny and heteronormativity on this thread as well is highly depressing

@Jazzpigeon22

I did ‘hun’. I’ve not been rude to you at all and have simply offered an opinion. You on the other hand are incredibly rude.
Perhaps if you feel I’ve missed something you could just inform me?

Also, try dropping the attitude and read through my posts in the helpful tone they were intended. I haven’t said you are unreasonable, just that if a wife chooses to behave in this manner, it’s her prerogative and sometimes partners ARE forced to make choices about who they hang out with, rightly or wrongly...which was what I thought the crux of your op was?

But @DBML I completely disagree - why does one spouse have a veto over who another spouse sees?

On here there are loads of threads in which (usually) women reveal they have controlling spouses/partners and they are universally advised that this is not acceptable.

Where do you draw the line -" don't go the to cinema with Susan"?, don't go to the gym - you're there to impress other women like Susan, don't wear those trousers- they emphasise too much- are you wearing them for Susan, , don't talk to Susan any more. Actually babe, why don't you give up work - I earn enough for us and then if you're not in touch with Susan anymore our relationship will be just like it was before, won't it..