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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you be ok with your husband going to the cinema with a female friend?

1000 replies

JizzPigeon22 · 05/08/2020 20:38

I have a friend who I’ve known since I was 3 years old. Last year he got a job in a pub directly across the road from my house so I see him quite often as he will occasionally stop by after a shift for a coffee or to see my kids, who they refer to as their uncle, they’re all very close. Over the years we’ve been to festivals together, holidays, camping trips etc. He was the best man at my wedding. Last year my husband passed away and my friend was great in helping sort things out, and just to have someone to chat to. We both like marvel films, which his wife hates, so when the new avengers film came out last year he bought tickets for the first showing as it was at 12 noon so we had time to watch it before getting the kids from school. His wife was at work and he was doing the school run.
She went absolutely apoplectic with rage when she found it. Said that going to the cinema was something couples do, I was desperate to get a man because my husband had died and now I was lonely etc. My friend was so disgusted with her that it almost ended their marriage.
I hadn’t really thought about it till today when it came up in conversation with 2 other friends who had very different views. One was of the opinion that it was fine, the other of the opinion that it’s never ok for men and women who are married to socialise like that as it’s disrespectful.

Aibu to think the cinema with a friend is fine? She’s fine with him coming to my house but not the cinema? I just found it such a bizzare reaction and the nasty things she said about me following my husbands death were pretty unforgivable.

OP posts:
Original poster
JizzPigeon22 · 05/08/2020 22:53

I think every post I’ve ever seen by Akea has been deleted Grin

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2020 22:53

@Plmoknijb123

I think it’s weird, I wouldn’t like it. Not because I think anything sexual would happen, just because that’s something that a couple does. If it was in a group it would be different, but a movie with just two people is usually something you do on a date etc
Have you never been to the cinema with a female friend?
SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/08/2020 22:53

@Womencanlift oh, you shouldn't have. I don't mind it stay there. Shows a lot about the poster

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2020 22:54

He gets to spend nice times with you doing nice things whilst she is at work and the children are at school/nurseries. Perhaps be should sit alone at home starting at a corner

conduitoffortune · 05/08/2020 22:54

I really hate the way that some partnered women seem to see every single woman as an active threat to their relationship and as some sort of predatory species constantly scheming to shag their boyfriends/husbands. It's so offensive. I have seen some women's heckles rise simply by seeing their husband making brief small talk with a woman at an activity that all three of them take part in, and then saw how this woman was ostracised at this activity because a few of the wives were so hyper vigilant to the perceived threat she posed by virtue of being single. They would pull apart everything that she did 'oh she said hi to my husband before she said hi to me'. It's madness.

Original poster
JizzPigeon22 · 05/08/2020 22:54

Yeah she knows me. I don’t think she’s keen on me, she definitely liked my husband a lot more than me. She would invite him to things, not me Grin

OP posts:
dontmesswiththeGC · 05/08/2020 22:54

I also don't understand the having to tell her beforehand. What does that achieve? Surely that's asking her permission, not telling her. And if you don't think it is then please explain why he should have specifically messaged or called the wife to tell her his plans when he told her at the end of the day anyway. Telling her before or after is the same, if telling her before
Is simply that- and not asking permission in disguise.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 05/08/2020 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Quoted a deleted post

SchrodingersImmigrant · 05/08/2020 22:55

Now seriously though. How do bisexual couples deal with this?

Watdafark · 05/08/2020 22:55

@Oldbutstillgotit You go for coffee with male friends?! Shameless! Grin

How is going to the cinema different, unless the couple in question are regressing to the age of 16 and getting up to no good in the back row?

Womencanlift · 05/08/2020 22:56

[quote SchrodingersImmigrant]@Womencanlift oh, you shouldn't have. I don't mind it stay there. Shows a lot about the poster[/quote]
😂😂😂

rvby · 05/08/2020 22:56

YANBU but sadly there are some atrociously insecure people out there. Ultimately, him and his wife need to sort their own boundaries - you didn't do anything wrong, not at all.

FWIW my DP has always, since I've known him, gone to cinema with his female friend. She is single. He has gone to cinema with her while he had previous gfs, while he was single, etc.

I'm so sorry about your husband. While I have never been bereaved, as a divorcee, I can attest that most women see a newly single woman as a threat. It's part of patriarchy really. The idea that a man has to "belong" to a woman and vice versa, or that they are somehow "disrespecting" each other by being in the physical presence of a single person. That an unattached woman must, by definition, be on the prowl to nab herself a husband. As if we are all living in 1500 suddenly.

It's pathetic, really, but there is nowt as queer as folk, as the saying goes.

Watdafark · 05/08/2020 22:56

Couple as in two humans, not actual bonded couple!

slashlover · 05/08/2020 22:58

I sometimes go away for the weekend with a male friend to attend an event, he has a partner who is not interested in going and I'm single. I've known him almost 20 years and it's completely separate rooms and there has never been any possibility of anything happening between us.

Original poster
JizzPigeon22 · 05/08/2020 22:58

Well it’s a good split of views, I’ve seen some opinions that I’ve not considered before so this thread has been helpful.

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 05/08/2020 22:59

@Akea

You ok hun? 😂

ToffeeAppleCaramel · 05/08/2020 23:00

I’m genuinely baffled by the number of people on this thread who think going to the cinema is a date thing. Obviously it can be but I often go with one or more friends, either of my parents, DD, etc. Occasionally the friend I go with is male. My DH has never been in any way phased by this and nor so far as I know have any of my friends’ wives or girlfriends. OP I think the cinema trip is completely fine. Though given what you say about the rest of the relationship can understand it was probably more than that to your friend’s wife.

neonjumper · 05/08/2020 23:00

I don't think every partnered woman sees single women as a threat to their relationship.

However , the OP talks about the wife in a very disparaging way , listing off all the things that the wife does not like doing .

I think the issue is that the OP thinks that her childhood relationship trumps any other relationship that her friend has .

How about OP giving your friend and his wife time to sort through their split .

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2020 23:00

@JorisBonson

*MALE

I don't make up friends

😂 at least then their wives wouldn't been you
TheAquaticDuchess · 05/08/2020 23:00

Now seriously though. How do bisexual couples deal with this?

I sit at home wearing one of those hoods you see on birds of prey, so that I’m not tempted into sin by the sight of any of my friends who I am, naturally, desperate to shag.

ChristmasFluff · 05/08/2020 23:01

The two things that stand out are 'when she found out' and that you 'friend' was 'so disgusted that it almost ended their marriage'.

So he didn't give her the option to come to the cinema with you - she'd prob have said no, but that's the difference between lying and telling the truth.

And then he's trying to make out you are so important he'd end the marriage over his obfuscations.

If I were you, I'd be reconsidering my friendship with this man who treats his partner so badly.

Do not for one minute think he would treat you differently

Plmoknijb123 · 05/08/2020 23:01

@SleepingStandingUp yes but I don’t date my female friends etc. Going to see a movie with a person of the opposite sex is a common thing that couples do as a date. I’m not saying it’s always the case, I mean that it’s something that you do with a close friend and I would feel weird if my partner was that close with someone else. That’s just my opinion. I know people say you can’t control someone etc but I think you should be honest about how you feel. If someone feels jealous they should express that and maybe it will lead to a conversation that will provide resolution. In my opinion, I would feel weird if my partner went and saw movies etc with another woman. But that’s just me, I understand that others are fine with it.

PurpleDaisies · 05/08/2020 23:01

However , the OP talks about the wife in a very disparaging way, listing off all the things that the wife does not like doing.

Can you blame the op for not particularly singing the praises of the wife? She’s had a ranting phone call from her.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 05/08/2020 23:02

@TheAquaticDuchess

Now seriously though. How do bisexual couples deal with this?

I sit at home wearing one of those hoods you see on birds of prey, so that I’m not tempted into sin by the sight of any of my friends who I am, naturally, desperate to shag.

This made me laugh like a small child! I sincerely hope it's true.
JBizz · 05/08/2020 23:02

[quote Plmoknijb123]@SleepingStandingUp yes but I don’t date my female friends etc. Going to see a movie with a person of the opposite sex is a common thing that couples do as a date. I’m not saying it’s always the case, I mean that it’s something that you do with a close friend and I would feel weird if my partner was that close with someone else. That’s just my opinion. I know people say you can’t control someone etc but I think you should be honest about how you feel. If someone feels jealous they should express that and maybe it will lead to a conversation that will provide resolution. In my opinion, I would feel weird if my partner went and saw movies etc with another woman. But that’s just me, I understand that others are fine with it.[/quote]
Most people don't date their male friends either

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