‘I won’t be employing women with children again’

[Everhopefulhev]

AIBU in feeling really wound up by this comment?
I’ve just had to quit my new job as my childcare arrangement fell through which is shit for my employer because obviously they could do without having to find someone else. However, whilst talking to my current boss he said ‘I won’t be employing women with children again’ and told me not to take it personally or think he’s a dick for saying it.
Is this just an example of the problems women face in the workplace? Just because I didn’t work out for them they are disqualifying any further woman with a child?
I just find this type of thing infuriating.

Yes, but if this issue was shared more equally between the two parents of the child (and frankly, we binned the stupid primary admissions system and started again), you'd have the majority of people of working age being a minor "pain in the ass" for a few short years out of, what, 40 or 45 in the workplace, instead of all the opprobrium being heaped on a few individuals like the OP who're already bearing more than their fair share.

No-one ever questions men's desire to work. We're the same species for goodness' sake!

@LaurieMarlow

No one is saying they can't work but at least grow a pair and have the decency to acknowledge they're a pain in the ass for employers because they are.

If our society prioritised decent childcare and had the same expectations for fathers as mothers, they wouldn’t be. If we collectively ‘grew a pair’ to use your charming phrase and acknowledged that, we would be able to solve this problem. Other countries have a much better track record.

There is childcare out there. Millions of people avail of it every day. And it's not society's fault that some women get stiffed by their partners either, there are plenty of SAHD's and men who take an active part in their kids lives. Some women choose to have children with men who are not on board with this, and that's their choice, but the repercussions of that are theirs too.

Ok mothers are a pain in the rear and the same child's father isn't and that's the problem for me. Then it's women's faults for picking the wrong man.
Decent men could have a harem at that rate and all share the creche. Does anybody think feckless men could be given the chop before they impregnate the female or women should just keep a chastity belt on. Maybe we could bring back the stocks for all these foolish women who expect childcare provision for for the 21st century in what is supposed to be a leading economy.

Some women choose to have children with men who are not on board with this, and that's their choice, but the repercussions of that are theirs too.

So we blame the mothers for not having crystal balls, but not the fathers for not taking responsibility. Riiight. Totally fair.

Society gives a free pass to dads who do nothing. That’s the problem.

Ok mothers are a pain in the rear and the same child's father isn't and that's the problem for me.

That’s it in a nutshell.

Of course it's society's fault, at least in part. It's normalised for men to avoid this burden if they choose to. They won't be socially ostracised or even billed. They can even be PM, as a pp pointed out. Can you imagine a woman with 5 children by different men being PM?

The place I used to work I would interview people for jobs. My senior management always used to say don't employ women with young children or even child bearing age!

It's such a stupid blanket policy even if it weren't illegal. I've got one child, was only out of the workplace for an 8 month mat leave (aged 40), and I've probably had all of 3 or 4 days of absence in that time for child-related reasons. DH has covered stuff like chicken pox as his job's more flexible and he's not sexist. Someone childless/childfree with a chronic illness or who does a dangerous sport could have needed a lot more time off.

3 or 4 days in 7 years. Obviously, there's a large element of luck there like there is with everyone (not just mothers).

Jesus Christ the misogyny on this thread is making me feel sick. Women do not create children on their own. Men do have the ability to think just as well as women. It's disgraceful that women are blaming other women for men not bothering to raise the children they half created.

No one is saying they can't work but at least grow a pair and have the decency to acknowledge they're a pain in the ass for employers because they are

Utter bullshit

I’ve read more than once that we are expected to raise children like we don’t work and work like we don’t have children. It’s an unfair world. I hope you managed to catch that scumbag boss out too

You clearly have no experience of dealing with a narcissist co-parent. Lucky you.

You're right because I wouldn't have chose to have a child with one 🤷‍♀️ we all know deep down what our partners are like - it's rare they hide their true colours to the extent it's such a surprise after children come along I was raped when i conceived. Is that my fault too? Probably as according to you only women are to blame for men's actions.

The point is based on the op quitting because of childcare he's not going to employ a woman with children again which is bloody sexist. I once had a 22year old work for me who was lazy, shall I say all young people are lazy and never employ them again ?.
It's true that many mothers and fathers will have childcare issues from time to time but most are hard working . We can all have responsibilities, I had a colleague who had a ill father who'd take time off to take to appointments etc . Shall we ask people if they have parents that they need to look after .? We all have some sort of responsibility , to employ people based on not having children is ignorant, illegal and quite limited because they either will have children have children or are older and may help with with grandchildren etc . Of course there are people out there who won't have children nor desire too but good luck in employing someone on that criteria and like someone said how's he going to find out because you can't ask at interviews.

Don’t try and trick the ex employer as some have said. Not worth your integrity. Chalk it up to experience. Maybe all employers should start asking the Hetero males if they are using condoms//had vasectomies as society can’t afford for women to be stay at home mothers nor childcare for working women. Sack any breeder males to get the message across. Stop the problem at the source. Other countries can have the babies and British productivity will soar! /s

@ivfdreaming
You're right because I wouldn't have chose to have a child with one 🤷‍♀️ we all know deep down what our partners are like - it's rare they hide their true colours to the extent it's such a surprise after children come along

To shamelessly paraphrase...And I imagine you with quite the library, [ivfdreaming]. All those books you must have read merely by looking at their covers. Such precognition! Such empathic powers with so little empathy borders on, dare I say it, oxymoronic ...

@Everhopefulhev
Btw, not sympathetic - cos you're not looking for sympathy - but by golly do I feel for you! Oh, and no, YANBU, not in the least! Good luck with your job hunting chica, I like you, you seem like a decent lass, you're teaching two new people to show fairness and calm compassion to others and for that skill alone you can feel pride in yourself. No matter what position you attain, nor how long before you secure it, be proud!

@Thisismytimetoshine

There is childcare out there. Millions of people avail of it every day. And it's not society's fault that some women get stiffed by their partners either, there are plenty of SAHD's and men who take an active part in their kids lives.

Firstly, perhaps there are no other childcare options within reasonable distance, who are also suitable and have the places available at the times required? And clearly the father of the DC does not number as one of your legions of actively participating dads.
But beside all of this, your almost dismissive judgement was irrelevant to the question initially asked! She seeks no place to lay blame, only for some assurance that her outrage was justified. I understand expressing different opinions, but outright patronisation is just an insult wrapped and delivered with a wet fish-slap to the face, c'mon! Are you naturally that caustic, or did you work on it to bolster your own self-esteem? It's a shame because, exclusive of that, you sound otherwise reasonably intelligent.
Not nice being patronised is it?

What’s wrong with people on this thread?!?
So far many of the responses can be summed up as:
A) it’s a woman’s responsibility to sort childcare
B) it’s a woman’s responsibility to ensure her man does his fair share
C) it’s a woman’s responsibility only to have children with responsible men, more fool her if she fails to do this
D) it’s a woman’s fault if she takes maternity /childcare leave and she should accept that her salary will take a hit.

Jesus Christ did I just fall into the 1950s and not notice?

Women have a right to be treated as equals in the workplace and at home - it’s not a right we should have to enforce, we aren’t responsible for making the men around us step up to the plate, they are responsible for being decent human beings!

(Also no business has gone bust from paying maternity pay - that’s bs - they get it back from the government).

No one has the right to discriminate against you just because you happen to be a fertile woman. The employer in this case is breaking the law, I have no sympathy for them. I’m sorry your lost your job OP through crapness. This is why we still need feminism and why it’s still very very important to campaign for women’s rights.

@FinnyStory

There's no point using Scandinavia as an example of what should happen here. Scandinavians pay enormous taxes in comparison and whilst some UK voters may say they'd be happy with that, we know that no party that runs on a manifesto of significant tax increases ever wins here.

Enormous taxes from enormous salaries. It works out the same. Those enormous taxes also pays for state childcare, top of the range free healthcare, about 9 months of maternity leave, a month of paternity leave (which can be consolidated and split in any way you desire), state sick pay, wage replacement for when looking after a sick child - all of which the employer does NOT pay for and therefore doesn't lose out on.

And for the posters who are blaming women for getting pregnant to feckless men. My problem was I was just too bloody fertile. Conceived 5 times to first husband 4 times while taking the pill. He had the snip when i got pregnant again when the 2nd baby was 5 weeks old and i was on the pill while breastfeeding. Twice to second husband, once on the pill and luckily the second time while I had the mirena coil in so the egg lodged in my fallopian tubes and ruptured them so they sterilized me at 28 while they were in there sorting the rupture thankfully. Maybe because of the wide availability of the pill people believe we can control nature but unfortunately some of us feckless women can't.

The trouble is that with small firms, staff taking too much time off can be the difference between staying in business and failing especially where there are big training costs. A boss has to take responsibility for the profitability of the firm. Obviously taking into account also how good the staff member is. Saying what he/she said out loud was obviously annoyance at the situation. It may not be a fact though.

There is childcare out there. Millions of people avail of it every day

Childcare -already a sector in the U.K. with structural problems (low pay/high staff turnover) is at huge risk of crumbling after Covid. So don’t take anything for granted. It’s also extremely costly to families as the state subsidising of it - hear mostly the ‘free’ hours kicks in late and actually doesn’t cover the costs of nurseries so the parent pay on top.

@sleepyhead

As he's not allowed to ask about children in applications or interviews I wonder how he's planning on implementing that little breach of equality law?

What a twat.

He'll just go for any female of childbearing age. Which will limit the candidate pool considerably.

@Sally2791

This is appalling discrimination. However I can remember when I was married being expected to take full responsibility for childcare and half the household expenses (despite having put in far more capital) More fool me, but a very happy singleton now.

It's not discrimination against OP if OP chose to quit.