‘I won’t be employing women with children again’

[Everhopefulhev]

AIBU in feeling really wound up by this comment?
I’ve just had to quit my new job as my childcare arrangement fell through which is shit for my employer because obviously they could do without having to find someone else. However, whilst talking to my current boss he said ‘I won’t be employing women with children again’ and told me not to take it personally or think he’s a dick for saying it.
Is this just an example of the problems women face in the workplace? Just because I didn’t work out for them they are disqualifying any further woman with a child?
I just find this type of thing infuriating.

Because we have seen that without this push companies do fuck all and women are caught in the never ending spiral of income inequality, lack of pension etc etc. The assumption should always be 50/50 responsibility.

Well yes, I totally agree it should be assumed to be 50/50 responsibility of parents.
It used to be "if you can't afford them, don't have them". Now, it has to be if you aren't prepared to raise them, don't have them.
They are your kids and your responsibility as parents to care for them, not for society or government to do it for you.

I was made redundant today from my job of 12 years. Aspects of my role were discussed as no longer being required by the business but it was also mentioned that there are child care issues since changes caused by covid and its not practical to be leaving before the end of the working day. Also wish I had it in writing, surely that shouldn't of come into it. My hours could of been fulfilled over a week but will try not to dwell on it

It's amazing how many comments here actually BLAME women for not having partners who chip in equally to childcare, and for not managing their relationships properly. Just wow. Is that a double whammy now for women, or triple? I've lost count.

I think it's a crap attitude , but I also imagine from an employers point of view it's just a pain in the ass ! It seems like a riskier option so if there are loads of job applicants that are suitable & it boils down to kids or no kids I'd probably choose the no kids option ! However a niche job or employee I think Bosses are prepared to deal with the problems that can crop up !

@JonSnowIsALoser

It's amazing how many comments here actually BLAME women for not having partners who chip in equally to childcare, and for not managing their relationships properly. Just wow. Is that a double whammy now for women, or triple? I've lost count.

I'm surprised we haven't had a post yet where the men's mothers are blamed for the selfishness of their sons.

One way or another, people seem determined to blame women for men's behaviour.

It's amazing how many comments here actually BLAME women for not having partners who chip in equally to childcare, and for not managing their relationships properly

Well, if the cap fits. You don't have to be Einstein to know the person you are shacking up with, their views and values.
I wasn't particularly career minded post dc, but if I was there's no way I'd have chosen a high flyer, or corporate bore.
Women go for men with money/ and or job/career prospects.
Perhaps they should do what the men do and find a nice little house husband. So they can pursue their career with a dh supporting them.

It's not inequality in the workplace ffs, it's inequality at home. lol.

All these people moaning about women allowing men to opt out of responsibility

My DP is self employed so doesn’t get paid holidays etc and earns a heck of a lot more than I. If he quit his job so I could work the mortgage wouldn’t get paid. It’s not always about men opting out of responsibilities, sometimes it just doesn’t make sense in the circumstances!

I went for an interview in roughly 2005 and I was interviewed by one of the male directors who was in his mid to late 50s. I was early 30s.

I distinctly remember him asking me " Are you planning on having children anytime soon?" - I was so shocked I did not actually take him to task on it. I said no (because I wasn't - not that it was any of his business) and I got the job. However I left 6 months later anyway because they had lied to me at interview about the role I would be undertaking. So in a way it goes to prove that just because I was childless and had no intention to get pregnant in the coming future, I could still let a company down - as could anyone - including a man.

And it was none of his fucking business. Men still discriminate, they just have to be more discreet about it, but it still goes on all the time. I worked in recruitment for a long time and I have seen it happen.

@ivfdreaming there is a lot you don't understand. Clearly. I married a man just like my mother.

I'm not the only one. Expecting people who've been parented extremely poorly to resist returning to a familiar dynamic when they have little life experience and relationship experience is not only harsh, it's misguided and ignorant.

If it were easy to override our attachment disorders and easy to resist returning to familiar dynamics then more of us would manage it.

In fact, also reading threads on MN, many people do manage it, but in the second stage of adulthood when the window of fertility has passed.

So women are under a lot of pressure.

Most people try to be kind though. I never meet anybody in real life who actually berated me for having returned to a familiar but dysfunctional dynamic.

I am glad I've been through all of it though. It has given me a lot of experience and understanding and empathy and wisdom and strength, as well as lovely children.

I think of @mathanxiety as one of the wisest posters on here. If you think she's the stupid one and you're the wise one, I'm going to have a chuckle at that.

@Devlesko really agree with you there. A lot of times it is down to finding a person compatible with the life you want etc

YANBU @Everhopefulhev the man’s a dick - how would he know if anyone has got / intends to get children? I feel very sorry that you’re in this situation; I think you have to have been a single parent with a shitty ex & limited childcare options to understand. Don’t be disheartened by the dickhead, there are plenty of enlightened employers & some with childcare schemes too. Also, you’re going through an acutely rough patch that will get easier once school age etc.

I’d suggest you follow up with an email saying you were very disappointed when he said ‘ I won’t be employing women with children again’ and get a response from him. That’s as good as him saying it if he confirms.
Social media the hell out of it and speak to a lawyer.

What annoys me is there is a potential for this person to now get away with discrimination in the work place, and nobody will report them for god knows what silly reason

Speaking as someone who works for the DWP - It's illegal for them not to employ women with children, for that reason.

Please report them, regardless of whether it was in writing. Contact Trading Standards or a Tribunal. They must be flexible regarding childcare and discriminatory attitudes are a massive NO. This person could he disciplined or fired for making that comment.

Don't condone it by not reporting it. You could be leaving other single parents to suffer, because he should have said parent, not "Women", but ideally neither.

This is a thread for the UK government to see. Why as a society we would prefer single parents to quit their jobs and go on benefits rather than have access to affordable childcare is beyond me. It's worth subsiding childcare for people like you to keep you working, paying taxes and being a good working mum role model for your daughter rather than living handout to handout as she grows up. No fun for either of you. Many other countries manage to sort this out to avoid women becoming long term unemployed while a child is preschool age, and then probably never finding a job again. Child care in this country needs to be fixed, or what future is there for your daughter?

FrazzledStar

My dh was the lowest earner, we went with him when we wanted a sahp. You just live accordingly. I'm sure we'd have had a lot more in life if I'd stayed in work, being the higher earner. So it is as simple as that.
Choose your jobs, then your lifestyle, then everyone is happy. Share raising kids equally, then everyone is happy.
Not rocket science.

I have been applying for jobs. Application forms want you to fill in all your employment details and account for any gaps. So if like me you took time out to look after your children you have to mention it. Employers know you have children and can work out their ages roughly. If you don’t account for everything your application maybe discarded

This person could he disciplined or fired for making that comment ... Don't condone it by not reporting it. You could be leaving other single parents to suffer, because he should have said parent, not "Women", but ideally neither.

There is absolutely no point though. Why should the OP put herself through that?

They’ll never in a million years admit that was the reason and all kinds of bollocks will be fabricated to support whatever story they land on.

There may be legislation against it, but it’s useless unless employers actually drop themselves in it, in writing.

Sorry I've only had time to skim this thread today but OP when you say you had no option but to leave - could your boss have helped provide some options so you didn't have to quit. Some temporary flexibility to allow you to get other childcare or was it If you can't come in on Monday you are out?
Because if its the latter that may be constructive dismissal. Can you get some legal advice, sometimes household insurance covers exactly these issues. or any of the organisations that focus on workplace rights.

Recruitment is the name of the game in today's world, people don't have, or want jobs for life anymore.

Everyone on here that is taking the high ground and blaming the mothers for becoming single parents please take a hike. Your sanctimonious mutterings are wholly misplaced and bloody infuriating. Imagine not having a crystal ball that predicted the demise of your relationsip. Imagine how it would feel to find your once perfectly reasonable partner morph into a selfish prat...just a thought

Oh, get over it you lot. A business has to run itself profitably to employ anyone at all. Force a small employer to pack the books with staff hardly ever there and he goes bust.

@ReefTeeth I was trying to quote Lukasiak

I quit my job because my partner wouldn't stand up and do his bit for childcare.

I regret this decision several times a day - 5 years down the line.

Since you say it's a big company, you could report it to HR. It doesn't really affect you since you've resigned but the HR department might take action to ensure your ex-boss can't discriminate in future.

I just wanted to say OP none of this is your fault (despite what some of the PP say) and that you're not alone. I'm in a similar position and moving from 2 days nursery to 4 is a massive financial undertaking - who in reality has £600 going spare each month?

I'm really sorry you're in this position. Until we have a more progressive approach to childcare, parental leave etc I sadly think it is always going to be the woman who suffers from a career perspective.

Also, just to say, your boss is a d*ck.