‘I won’t be employing women with children again’

[Everhopefulhev]

AIBU in feeling really wound up by this comment?
I’ve just had to quit my new job as my childcare arrangement fell through which is shit for my employer because obviously they could do without having to find someone else. However, whilst talking to my current boss he said ‘I won’t be employing women with children again’ and told me not to take it personally or think he’s a dick for saying it.
Is this just an example of the problems women face in the workplace? Just because I didn’t work out for them they are disqualifying any further woman with a child?
I just find this type of thing infuriating.

Sophe, that is just a lazy excuse for poor management.

Nobody is 'forcing' employers to do anything more than hiring from the widest pool available. If you think that is going to hurt employers, fill your boots.

For far too long, employers have been allowed to get away with operating on the blithe assumption that the little woman is at home keeping house and family ticking over while the men do their duty to the company. It has enabled employers/managers to think about their expectations of employees as if it's still 1958.

It is time for government to insist that employers engage with reality and start regarding men as parents too.

It’s such a short sighted approach from employers, limiting their potential employees and restricting diversity and different thinking. There are 8 mums work in my team and yes, they are impacted by situations with their kids. However, I can also say that they are one of the most committed and high achieving teams in our area. I’m not saying a group of 8 men couldn’t be high achievers but excluding women automatically limits your talent pool, some of whom could quite realistically be better candidates.

It makes my blood boil in this day and age .
I know I didn't get one job about 10 years because I had children when my dc were young .
I went for a interview woman by the way interviewing me . They were very keen and impressed the interview went well .
Anyway I got home and one of them rang me asking when I'd be able to start as they knew I'd just been made redundant so was available. I just said something like the week after next as it was half term . Anyway she couldn't get off the phone quick enough , it's like her tone changed as soon as she realised I had children. and I didn't even get a reply to say no thanks . I chased it up by email but even that was rubbish because she cc me in accidentally to her colleague to say tell her that it's a no .
Another time this was about 19-20 years ago when my first born was a baby . I went for a job got it started work but the boss woman again almost bullying to work late . I was young and naive now I'd say get to F** . Anyway I eventually said I can't I have a daughter and she said well you must need the money . I was well yes but woman can work and have a child . This boss wasn't much older than me either I was early 20s she was mid 20s .

I've experienced loads of sexism over the years from men and woman, the truth is people are judgmental about working woman .

I’m currently on a disability benefit so this is hypothetical but I’d probably only be able to get a minimum wage job right now I have a 5 year old son his dodgy father has hidden his assets and started signing on even though he has at least 250k worth of cars alone so even though he owes me over 2,000 I was informed yesterday by the Csa thAt they can’t ask him for what I’m owed so I’ll be relieving £29 A month from his benefits how would that help me with child care costs in central London I cannot work out how it would be even possible for me to work right now and that scared me to think about! But hey I’m sure it’s my fault for having a child with him

I had a baby with a useless man but had the good sense [irony] to do it in 1980 in Lewisham where the council offered excellent childcare at a low cost. It enabled me to work then go to university and become a teacher. That help early on meant I could confidently maintain myself without inconveniencing my employer or have to claim benefit. The good old days.

The UK is the stark opposite in every single way. It's not resource rich, people move in but don't tend to move out, and the birthrate is still above the replacement rate. Offering what Norway offers would literally bankrupt the country within a year.

@lukasiak
The population of the UK remains relatively stable only because of immigration.
www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/populationandmigration/internationalmigration/bulletins/migrationstatisticsquarterlyreport/february2019

The birth rate of 1.7 (and dropping) is actually below the replacement rate (which is 2.075).

Childcare is not a private matter for families to scramble to arrange and pay market rates for in an economy that staggers along relying on tax-funded subsidies to employees to make working affordable.

It is a vital part of the economic infrastructure.

It certainly should be part of the economic infrastructure.

Women pay a much higher price for parenthood.

It is so disgraceful that society perpetuates this.

I’m so sorry for you that you have lost your job, what a shame and how sad that the father couldn’t support you.
Your employer sounds like an unpleasant piece of work. He clearly lacks empathy to put his own inconvenience ahead of the real life consequences to your personal welfare.
And yes, sexist, but that’s the least of it really...

My FIL always said " I never employ women of child bearing age and with young children." I didn't like him for that!

@sophe

Oh, get over it you lot. A business has to run itself profitably to employ anyone at all. Force a small employer to pack the books with staff hardly ever there and he goes bust.

It's amazing that so much deep rooted sexism and misogyny can come across in so few words .......

Funny how BoJo is managing to run the country with no childcare problems yet mums aren't even able to juggle a part time job without being blamed for having a child to a man who doesn't step up.
I wonder if Carrie Symonds looked at Boris's track record as a father before she got up the duff. Or what did he say ? I've got 5 or so kids already - not really sure exactly - but hey I've got a nice big house let's get this done

It's a shame so many women have no choice but to get childcare and work. I think no one should bring up my children other than me- no childminder, nursery etc will ever amount to the same in a child's eyes as Mummy. They get sick it's always Mummy they want, something hurts- it's mummy they want, have a problem they need to talk about- it's Mummy they want. In having children I expect and accept that.

My point is- you can't have it all. It's either a 50/50 mix home to work with Dad and extended family (who have to work longer in life so aren't able to help with childcare) and drop the ball at work sometimes or stay home (if only) or don't have any.

In answer to the op - very sexist, very unreasonable. I'm sorry you had to quit. Your kids though will benefit from having you home. I know that's a hugely unpopular opinion of the 1950’s era and you'll be forever skint on benefits which in turn limits what you can do places to go and opportunities for the children etc. There's no easy answer and yes it sucks all ways for someone either, you or the employer or the children. Sorry.

And the government of course want single parents to work it's not always a matter of choice or having it all.

I am not sure how her quitting her job due to lack of childcare justifies her boss’s comments. Anyone can have unforeseen circumstances affecting their ability to work and you expect your employer to not make discriminatory remarks under any circumstance.

@Merryweather80

It's a shame so many women have no choice but to get childcare and work. I think no one should bring up my children other than me- no childminder, nursery etc will ever amount to the same in a child's eyes as Mummy. They get sick it's always Mummy they want, something hurts- it's mummy they want, have a problem they need to talk about- it's Mummy they want. In having children I expect and accept that.

My point is- you can't have it all. It's either a 50/50 mix home to work with Dad and extended family (who have to work longer in life so aren't able to help with childcare) and drop the ball at work sometimes or stay home (if only) or don't have any.

In answer to the op - very sexist, very unreasonable. I'm sorry you had to quit. Your kids though will benefit from having you home. I know that's a hugely unpopular opinion of the 1950’s era and you'll be forever skint on benefits which in turn limits what you can do places to go and opportunities for the children etc. There's no easy answer and yes it sucks all ways for someone either, you or the employer or the children. Sorry.

I have a choice. I choose to work and my child benefits from an extended network- he thrived at nursery and loves his after school club.

I'm not sure of you meant it - but your post sounds very judgemental towards working mothers.

He shouldn't have said it but I can't blame him for thinking it. Most businesses aren't in a position to lose money hiring staff who are then going to leave. We tend to assume businesses have the upper hand but often they're struggling too. It's not them and us. I feel bad for you both.

I agree it would have been better left unsaid, but op had resigned at that point (obviously). The posters suggesting she takes him to a tribunal are nuts. And all the suggested subterfuge...
"Phone him and con him into saying it again while you record it!!" 🤔
He has a point 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am a woman and have chosen to pursue a career and work because I want financial independence and I find my work fulfilling and good for my self esteem. I don’t agree that childcare is not as good as ‘Mummy’. The nursery experience we had was excellent in terms of stimulation, learning, fun, socialisation, introducing new experiences etc. Our DD spent quality time with me, her Dad and her friends at nursery and was v happy.

It's a shame so many women have no choice but to get childcare and work

Lots of women have the choice and choose to work. There are many advantages to staying in the workforce, if you aren’t independently wealthy, taking significant time out has big financial implications, particularly later in life.

I think no one should bring up my children other than me

You think what you like, but no one is ‘bringing up’ working mothers children apart from their parents. However I see many advantages to having trusted care givers in my children’s lives beyond mum and dad.

Social media the hell out of it

Probably one of the silliest suggestions on here, especially as it appears OP's was only in post a few months and almost certainly won't be able to prove what was said

As methods of trashing her own professional reputation go, I'd say that's right up there

Re Merryweather 's comments,surely we are too busy to engage in her nonsense x

It's shitty but (as a mother of 6) I can fully understand employers point of view.

They are always cast as the villains of the piece but it's a nightmare having to train employees who continuously cry off due to child illness and childcare issues.

It's no good getting sarky about women and single parents not being allowed to work. No one is saying they can't work but at least grow a pair and have the decency to acknowledge they're a pain in the ass for employers because they are.

sadly this is exactly what women in work get faced with day in day out. I never got asked to the after work drinks because i had kids i had to get back to. Would have been nice to be thought of but actually it ended up in secret whispers and arrangements to organise things without having to let me know. I was always the first one asked before kids, soon as i revealed i was pregnant i was off the invite list. Same with work trips, not even offered. Bosses vary. One boss was extremely understanding as his wife had the high powered job and he was the one picking up kids and taking leave to care for poorly ones so he was so good. But one was such a complete dick about everything from being called at my desk about my son being sick, about taking too long throwing up while pregnant.... A lot of employers dont want to employ women with kids even when they have a partner and child care because there are times you have to take off for sick kids. Once you are a single parent and everything is down to you - they drop you like a hot cake. Plus you cant work all the hours they or you want, the pay isnt as good... once you are a single parent you are financially screwed (yes i am one)

No one is saying they can't work but at least grow a pair and have the decency to acknowledge they're a pain in the ass for employers because they are.

If our society prioritised decent childcare and had the same expectations for fathers as mothers, they wouldn’t be. If we collectively ‘grew a pair’ to use your charming phrase and acknowledged that, we would be able to solve this problem. Other countries have a much better track record.

This is appalling discrimination. However I can remember when I was married being expected to take full responsibility for childcare and half the household expenses (despite having put in far more capital) More fool me, but a very happy singleton now.