First: When i got divorced. I asked to meet up with my friend for a meal or just a drink. Had not seen her in ages, just wanted a laugh and catch up. She replied in a phone call advising she could not see me anymore as she " doesn't know anyone who has been divorced". I assured her it was not catching! This was in 2003!
Second: I always helped out at PTA events, at everything , during a small spell of a few years i had as stay at home mum. I was always asked as have full enhanced DBS. One year i was asked to help at xmas fete requiring me to set up Fri and man stall on Sat. I had already helped out at the kids xmas party the week before prepping food and helping with the kids. I explained to the chair that sadly i could not assist ( for the first time ever) as i was going into hospital on the Thurs to have a suspicious lump removed and needed to rest/ worry at home in peace. She stormed off huffing and puffing muttering under her breath but loud enough to be heard.. "some people are so selfish!" Needless to say i never helped out or spoke to her again!
Third: When my now grown up eldest DC was 2 i placed with a childminder ( as i was working full time) who prided herself on her many professional quals particularly involving continuity of care, organic foods, healthy varied diet, food for behaviour and nutrition yadda yadda... welfare of children etc. I explained that as i was divorcing i really wanted someone who would care for my child like their own and help support him through this time. I needed the same person so my DC was not moved about or messed around. My DC's emotional wellbeing and security was my priority secondary to fancy legumes. " oh yes Ms Tarragon" "i agree" "it's sooo important" " i have spent years studying children" " you are right Ms Tarragon, continuity of care giver is very important" I checked her credentials with the National Childminding Association and the new OFSTED regulations now looking at childminders at that time. My DC was there for 8 mths, all fine, he grew very close to her and her DC's. I had no qualms handing over the £835 per mth costs as this was a woman i could do business with, she was reliable and took great emotional care of my DC.
Then August came and she advised she was taking her 2 DC's on holiday to Greece to visit their father. I took two weeks leave to cover the summer childcare void. ( i only had 20 days a year)
2 weeks passed and we had a lovely mother and DC time. I started to emotionally prepare myself for the wrench that was going back to work and leaving my DC. I started to prep DC for going back. The day arrived and i turned up at childminders hse at 7am as normal. No answer, went around the back, no answer.
Called childminder, she finally answered mobile ( Nokia brick in those days) was still in Greece, had had a reconciliation with her ex DH and was now staying in Greece with her children until further notice. This gets better as she still expected me to pay her a retainer for her services in case she returned and I wanted to secure my DC's place! I had to take a further emergency unpaid week off work to secure new childcare as i has no one to help, peeing off all my colleagues off who had booked leave and needed me back. I paid no retainer. I reported her to NCA and OFSTED . NCA then after investigation refused to insure her , effectively preventing her from practising in the UK.
After much action, complaint and letter writing by my self to OFSTED , they eventually , month's later, issued her with what were at that time referred to as 'Actions' . 15 of those 'actions'.
Those actions finally put paid to her childminding ever again. I also was successful in eventually getting my Aug £835 payment returned ( i had had to pay deposits and month in advance to secure new minder in the interim causing me to live on cornflakes , porridge and pasta and cheese for a month, while i gave DC full varied meals ).
My DC was so distressed by the whole thing. It still upsets me even today.
A few years later my ex DH was on his way from home from work early, having picked up DC and decided to go into his local Sainsburys to get a pizza treat for them both for dinner. ExDH lives approx 25 miles away from me and the old childminder. Low and behold,who should be refilling the chiller cabinet when they went to look for pizzas... ex childminder. She explained to him Greece did not work out and she returned to UK soon after. Unable to get insurance at that time and with her litany of Ofsted actions deterring other parents she was unable to resume childminding . She managed to secure that job having sold up her hse, downsizing and moving away outside of London with her DC's.
The best bit for me was she now herself was using a childminder to care for her own DC's while she was at work. It appeared that her childminder then had some ongoing longterm issues with an arm injury that she had not disclosed and wasn't proving reliable , causing my ex childminder to incur debt problems due to her own childminders unreliability. She was often unable to work as her childcare let her down and had to take unpaid leave, leaving her now in serious debt. Bless!
I fell out with her big time and should i ever see her again in my life i have still very much fallen out with her and she will see that. DC barely remembers her at all. He is grown up now , laughs about it. Just snippets of her house , her young DC's and eating scrambled egg, which he says is all she seemed to cook for DC everyday. He remembers lots and lots of scrambled egg! ( Her DC's had nicer dinners accordingly to my DC which annoys me even more, he had to sit watching them eat lovely meals,he remembers them having rice and pasta and meat meals and blackcurrent water, he had plain water) I am as angry as hell today as i was decades ago.