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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asked to put preferred pronouns on email signature

441 replies

Ermokthen · 03/08/2020 17:03

Just had an email from team leader following a diversity workshop that she’d like us all to put our preferred pronouns on our email signatures, as this was a suggested take home action.

Other members of team already responded, some enthusiastically, others clearly not bothered and just going along with team leader.

I really don’t want to do this and have no idea how to respond without being targeted as any number of negative things. Help please...

But just so I can sense check - aibu not to want to put she/her etc after my (very feminine and not to be confused otherwise) name on my email signature?

OP posts:
TeaAndStrumpets · 03/08/2020 18:44

I identify as the cat's mother.

DeathOrGlory · 03/08/2020 18:44

Tell them you have no wish to draw further attention to your sex, given that women are already discriminated against in the workplace

This. Firstly, I would just ignore the advice. If pulled up on it this would be my response. Do I really have to go out of my way to potentially magnify the prejudice to which I'm already subjected?

MagpiePi · 03/08/2020 18:44

I identify as a high ranking naval officer (and I've even got a jacket with gold braids and medals,) so I will be know as the Admiral of the Fleet.

Thislittlelady · 03/08/2020 18:44

I think I wouldn’t want to because it’s completely unnecessary. Up until now no ones really made a fuss, and if anyone did have a preferred way to be addressed they let you know. You don’t have to do it. It’s also perhaps a bit ‘outing’ for folk who may still be struggling with such things and is therefore in that sense totally inappropriate and unprofessional. That aside, I’m sick of all this PC crap. If you adresss someone wrong they’re not usually slow in correcting you...

AbsintheFriends · 03/08/2020 18:44

I would also ignore it for the flagrant, regressive, veiled-sexist tosh it is.

I genuinely don't get how it's supposed to be inclusive. There are a few painfully woke people I have to deal with on a regular basis at work who have pronouns in their email signature, and I get that they're virtue-signalling how extra-specially kind and inclusive they are, but when I receive an email from Jessica (she/her) my first impression - knowing Jessica to be a very stereotypically feminine woman - is that Jessica is mentally sticking her hand up and saying NOT TRANS!! Actually distancing herself from it.

Equally, when I receive emails from someone I know to be trans, they sign off with Heather, their chosen female name, so it doesn't take a genius to work out that Heather would like to be referred to as she and her when being mentioned to others. If not they wouldn't have changed their name from Richard.

Pointless. Except, as my daughter says, to flag up, for the avoidance of doubt, who to patronise in emails, as well as on the phone and in person.

(*all names changed, obv.)

Smallsteps88 · 03/08/2020 18:44

@JBizz

Not sure why you'd not want to do it tbh. It literally causes you no stress or extra effort (would have been easier than writing this post)
Not necessarily true.

You have no idea if it causes a person stress to reveal their gender identity. What if a person is trans but hasnt yet told people? It would be stressful for them to have to announce it as a result of this request rather than when they were ready.

Also, it does literally take extra effort to do it. You have to literally go into your email signature and literally change it.

katy1213 · 03/08/2020 18:45

I wouldn't. If they want to be inclusive they'll just have to include me out of this ridiculous nonsense. Thankfully work in an industry where it would be greeted with howls of derision.

feelingverylazytoday · 03/08/2020 18:45

I would just ignore it. I refuse to participate in any of this woke shite.

5lilducks · 03/08/2020 18:46

Just say you prefer to be called "HRH" and take offence if they don't do so.

mumwon · 03/08/2020 18:47

my title ie Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms/M
& I dont like being referred as she - its rude dm use to say "she? the cats grandmother! - I never understood the connection but you get the drift)

Thislittlelady · 03/08/2020 18:47

@feelingverylazytoday

Grin yes this too

AdoptedAWholeLoadOfShit · 03/08/2020 18:48

It’s not good etiquette to sign with your pronoun but it’s ok to use it in brackets after your name if there is the possibility of confusion.

I wouldn’t bother. Or add HRH The Duchess of (your village) and see who notices!!

TalkingtoLangClegintheDark · 03/08/2020 18:48

@ManiPediNow

I'm sorry, perhaps I'm behind the times (I live abroad). What on earth is all this about? Why would anyone put pronouns on an email signature?
Like a pp, I don’t want to wake you up from your blissful ignorance, but if you really want to know... it’s all about the current movement which some call “trans rights”.

Some people think trans people are the most marginalised, vulnerable minority in the world ever, and that it’s inclusive and fair to bend over backwards to do whatever trans people (mostly biologically male) would like others to do.

Others think that this is a male supremacist movement masquerading as a civil rights one.

The vast majority of “transgender women” (that’s biologically male people who wish to be perceived by others as women) do not have any kind of surgery and some don’t bother with synthetic hormones either. So they tend to look very visibly male. Some even keep their beards along with their penis. Very few actually pass as women.

As a result it isn’t always clear if someone thinks of themself as a man or a woman and so the preferred pronouns are a way of telling the world what you want to be seen as.

Some people claim they’re neither men nor women but something called “non binary” and these people often like to be referred to as “they” instead of he or she, so this is another option for preferred pronouns.

I don’t know where you’re living because this is happening all over the western world, so I guess it must be somewhere else. We are seeing as a result of this ideological movement the end of women’s single sex spaces: hospital wards, women’s refuges, rape crisis centres, swimming pool changing rooms, prisons - all can be accessed by male people who “identify as women”, regardless of the fact these people for the most part will be clearly, visibly, audibly male; regardless of the impact that has on the women and girls for whom these spaces and services were originally intended.

Don’t get me started on sport.

Female physiotherapists who do home visits turn up at a client‘s home expecting to treat a woman but find their client is male. To question this, to even mention that there is a different level of risk for a woman alone with a male person rather than with a female person, is “transphobic” - which is pretty much a sacking offence, especially in public sector orgs like the NHS.

In a nutshell: the mantra of the trans rights movement is:
Trans Women Are Women.*
We are now supposed to believe that if a male person claims to have a “female gender identity” then that person is literally a woman and there is no material difference between that person and someone who is biologically female.

If we don’t believe this then we are dreadful bigots on a par with Nazis and deserve to be vilified, doxxed, punched, raped, sacked, ostracised, generally put in the bin.

For some reason, this movement centring male people has done extraordinarily well in the male dominated world we live in, has achieved much, much more legislative and cultural change in a short time than any other civil rights movement there’s ever been. But trans people are still the most victimised, marginalised and vulnerable people who ever existed, much more so than boring old female people who are after all close to being treated like full human beings these days.

If you discount the endemic sexual assault and harassment that is, of course, and the DV, and the murders, and then there’s the pay gap, oh and the portrayal of women in culture, and the way men still control so much of the narrative, and the fact that everything from seat belts to drugs are manufactured and tested on men, not women; and the reproductive rights (or lack of) and the maternity discrimination, and - oh well, there’s FGM and “honour killings“ and rape as a weapon of war, and 90% of the world's wealth being in men’s hands.

Not that that’s a comprehensive list of the ways women are still disadvantaged and dehumanised, but still, it’s not so bad, is it! We’ve never had it so good, after all.

Bet you wish you’d never asked now.

*the full mantra is:
Trans Women Are Women
Trans Men Are Men
Non Binary Identities Are Valid.

Give you three guesses how far this whole thing would have got if the main/leading protagonists had been female people who identify as men though.

Hint: females who identify as men are specifically excluded from inheriting under UK primogeniture laws, even if they get a GRC and a new birth certificate that (falsely) says they were male at birth.

SweetPetrichor · 03/08/2020 18:50

@Goingdownto we work in engineering for a major company who support their female engineers and don’t treat us different to men. The world isn’t all shit. I’m sorry that it isn’t dramatic and we’re not as put upon as you want us to be....poor downtrodden women. Hmm

mumwon · 03/08/2020 18:50

@TeaAndStrumpets I must correct you Grin its the cat's grandmother - don't you know!!! tsk tsk

Staplemaple · 03/08/2020 18:51

@SweetPetrichor in some industries you're probably at an advantage being a woman. I mean it does nothing for actual equality, but it looks good when they can apply for all sorts of equality accolades.

Staffy1 · 03/08/2020 18:52

I would be tempted to put "the great one" or similar rather then "she" if they insist it must be done.

Thehorrorthehorror · 03/08/2020 18:54

Good post, @TalkingtoLangClegintheDark.

I ignored the email for a while, then when the 'request' came again, I emailed my line manager and explained why hell would freeze over before I would be doing this. In the end I actually hit 'reply' to another company-wide 'request' email and explained exactly why I wouldn't be doing this to several hundred people. Dead silence since (this was just before lockdown), but I'm sure it's not gone away.

Goingdownto · 03/08/2020 18:56

[quote SweetPetrichor]@Goingdownto we work in engineering for a major company who support their female engineers and don’t treat us different to men. The world isn’t all shit. I’m sorry that it isn’t dramatic and we’re not as put upon as you want us to be....poor downtrodden women. Hmm[/quote]
You carry on with your delusions honey.
That's great if your employers are so forward-thinking, maybe spare a thought for thousands of other women though.

midgebabe · 03/08/2020 18:59

Sunset has highlighted that someone worries that other people might be embarrassed if they discover that have used an incorrect pronoun.
Is the person themselves worried about being misgendred?

mumwon · 03/08/2020 18:59

a thought
"she who must be obeys!"
( makes it sound like you are a dominatrix! Than should scare hr from asking you again!)
Honestly this is so daft

Fairenuff · 03/08/2020 19:00

[quote SweetPetrichor]@Goingdownto we work in engineering for a major company who support their female engineers and don’t treat us different to men. The world isn’t all shit. I’m sorry that it isn’t dramatic and we’re not as put upon as you want us to be....poor downtrodden women. Hmm[/quote]
But you must allow that other women have different experiences and are therefore also entitled to express their opinion without a derogatory Hmm?

midgebabe · 03/08/2020 19:00

I work for a major engineering company that always strives to treat women and men equally. And whenever they run any analysis to show this, they realise it still isn't working.

VitreousHumour · 03/08/2020 19:00

I would definitely not do this. You are being forced to agree with an ideology that states that men are innately 'masculine', women are innately feminine, and anyone who refuses that restrictive box must be in the wrong body. Rather than just refusing that box.

Callipygion · 03/08/2020 19:01

It all sounds like a load of bollocks to me. I can’t be doing with it.