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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get married on a Wednesday

149 replies

elephantfeels · 03/08/2020 11:20

We were due to get married on a Saturday early next year. We are currently looking into our options as our wedding would be in winter and with a second wave looming etc it is looking likely that it won't be the day we had planned (or paid for!!).
We have been given the opportunity to rearrange for next August but the only day they have free is a Wednesday (we wouldn't have to pay any extra). Obviously this will impact work and guests having to take holidays etc. One set of parents are really up for it especially as we could relocate outside if the weather is nice and one set thinks it's a terrible idea and just keep going toward our original date.

Neither myself or DP know what to do. And don't know what people think of midweek weddings!

Would IBU to reschedule for a Wednesday?

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 03/08/2020 11:24

I think it’s wise to move the wedding beyond the coming winter. As for a Wednesday - be prepared for far fewer guests - but this could also be beneficial. In my limited experience of non- Saturday weddings, the important people will make an effort to come, but you may have to suck up that some won’t be able to, or won’t prioritise it above holiday etc.

peachypetite · 03/08/2020 11:26

If guests need to travel it could result in them having to book three days of annual leave, the day before, day of and day after. So I wouldn’t.

GOODCAT · 03/08/2020 11:27

How many guests will you have and how far will they need to travel? Not so bad if a small number and they are local. As a guest it gets less attractive if I have to take two or three days off work for a wedding.

Original poster
elephantfeels · 03/08/2020 11:29

Apologies should've said. We only have 35 guests and it is about an hours drive away. Most guests are family members but in likelihood they would need to book 2 days off but also in terms of our reception it would mean that it was being held on a weekday although people don't have to drink...

OP posts:
CouldBeOuting · 03/08/2020 11:30

@BikeRunSki

I think it’s wise to move the wedding beyond the coming winter. As for a Wednesday - be prepared for far fewer guests - but this could also be beneficial. In my limited experience of non- Saturday weddings, the important people will make an effort to come, but you may have to suck up that some won’t be able to, or won’t prioritise it above holiday etc.
^this

But be aware that even if people are willing to use annual leave for your wedding they might not able to.... employers don’t have to let people take leave when they want it.

BIL has refused to speak to us since we were only able to go to the evening reception of his weekday wedding. I work in a school, DH was already booked to be delivering some important training and DD was actually sitting a GCSE exam! We went to his previous two weddings!

Original poster
elephantfeels · 03/08/2020 11:32

@CouldBeOuting of course and we wouldn't be the sort of people to be upset by it as we appreciate it would be difficult.
We have got the option of moving it to next October on a Saturday but the price goes up by £3000 and I don't think I can justify it

OP posts:
PopsicleHustler · 03/08/2020 11:36

I was married on a tuesday to my Dh. No one came . It was just us and a witness. We didn't invite anyone anyway. It was just a simple religious wedding and we were happy.

user1493413286 · 03/08/2020 11:38

From my experience of mid week weddings you may find that people leave relatively early as they can’t always justify 2 days off work. If you’re ok with that and don’t mind not having a long night but then it’s fine.

Hardbackwriter · 03/08/2020 11:42

The couple of midweek weddings I've been to have had really depressing, downbeat atmospheres in the reception as everyone leaves early and knows they have work the next day. Both couples did it to save money but I really do think it was a bad place to save it as it affected the whole thing so much. Weirdly, this was true even for the one where a lot of the guests were teachers and it was in the school holidays; even they just didn't seem as celebratory on a Thursday.

Durgasarrow · 03/08/2020 11:43

If you want people to come on a weekday, make it local and in the evening, not two hours away. Even people who care often can't get out of work for a friend or relative's wedding. They absolutely will scoff at the idea of taking two days off for it and will not appreciate you trying to save money at the expense of their precious and limited vacation time.

GiddapGreyWaynesKeat · 03/08/2020 11:45

I went to a Thursday wedding last year. All the Invited guests attended despite having to travel a minimum of 2 hours. We had a blast, it was a lovely wedding full of joy.
Nobody complained about the weekday. Go for it - though a Wednesday should be cheaper than the Saturday you’ve already booked

eatsleepread · 03/08/2020 11:45

I wouldn't do it. You've written 'people don't have to drink', but it's a wedding!!
You don't want your big special day to feel like a damp squib, as then it really would be money wasted.
Sorry, probably not what you want to hear, and it's a rubbish situation Thanks

Honeyroar · 03/08/2020 11:46

I’d speak to your guests. Ask them for their honest opinions as to whether they would find it a problem.

Bear in mind also that nobody knows what will happen. You could pay extra for the big Saturday wedding and it could end up with restrictions, even next year. So you might as well go for what works for you anyway!

Serenity45 · 03/08/2020 11:49

We got married on a Tuesday and it was fine...BUT... we had a small wedding as we really only wanted close family and friends. So 40 people approx who all had more than 12 months notice. We only had 2 couples who really couldn't make it work and this was fine, we accepted it, as did they with no hard feelings.

It wasn't a financial decision for us BTW - it was the only way the hotel could guarantee us rooms for the night before as well as the night of our wedding. We were doing a 'night before' dinner so everyone who hadn't already met could at least mingle a bit. It worked really well for us - we had an amazing day and as far as I know everyone enjoyed themselves and didn't resent using annual leave (for those that needed to do this). For someone close I would absolutely use the leave time if I could. If I couldn't attend I'd explain why. No drama!

CouldBeOuting · 03/08/2020 11:51

[quote elephantfeels]@CouldBeOuting of course and we wouldn't be the sort of people to be upset by it as we appreciate it would be difficult.
We have got the option of moving it to next October on a Saturday but the price goes up by £3000 and I don't think I can justify it [/quote]
I agree £3000 is a LOT of money!

It’s your wedding after all. I’m sure plenty of people will be happy and able to celebrate your special day with you.

frustrationcentral · 03/08/2020 11:52

Weekday weddings are certainly trickier to manage. We've been invited to one 200 miles away but the children aren't invited. A bit of a nightmare really but not a wedding I'd want to miss so we'll make the effort. There is a risk it'll go wrong if our childcare plan fails Shock!!

SimonJT · 03/08/2020 11:53

Two of my friends had midweek weddings, the actual weddings had very few people as a number of invited guests were unable to book the time off work.

The receptions were busier, but in both cases most people were gone by around 7:30 due to work commitments the next day. In both cases this hadn’t been fullt considered as the evening food arrived after most guests had left so I imagine a huge amount of money was wasted on food.

EmbarrassedUser · 03/08/2020 11:53

I was a bit pissed of at having to go to a Thursday wedding when DH was best man (we hadn’t been together long and he was DP then) but it was fine and there was a big turnout. Be prepared that some people might not be able to come though. It meant 2 annual leave days for us.

Original poster
elephantfeels · 03/08/2020 12:10

Just to confirm money is only a consideration as it's going from £5500 for a Saturday in January to £9000 for a Saturday in October which is a huge huge jump so not purposely being stingy just it's an awful lot of extra money to find.

OP posts:
BluebellsGreenbells · 03/08/2020 12:15

Realistically your wedding is £158 per guest?

What are they getting for that?

rc22 · 03/08/2020 12:15

We got married on a Friday (main reason being we married in the football season and DH and many friends are football fans and we had to work our wedding around the fixture list!!) I was worried about asking people to take time off work but wedding lady at the venue said "If they really want to be at the wedding, they won't mind using the leave. If they don't, don't worry about it." It was an August bank holiday weekend so lots of people enjoyed making a long weekend of it. We also sent the save the dates out a good 18 months before the wedding to give people chance to get sorted. I did feel bad about one bridesmaid who was having bother with a particularly awkward boss at the time. Boss would try to prevent anyone in her team booking any leave in the school holidays before she had decided which days she wanted to take off with her kids. Bridesmaid told her that she wouldn't be at work on that day whether she allowed her to book the leave not and I think went to the manager above her boss.

Anyway, the irony of it all being, Sky did their messing with the fixture list thing and DH's team's match was actually moved to the evening of our wedding!!

chipsandpeas · 03/08/2020 12:18

go for it but you need to accept not everyone you invite may not come

Amrythings · 03/08/2020 12:24

Ours was a Wednesday, almost everyone was able to come (and those who weren't were either too elderly to travel or got shafted with Brexit leave cancellations). Everyone had a ball and because we have a lot of family with kids it suited most people to be away by midnight anyway.

Womencanlift · 03/08/2020 12:28

You mentioned OP that most guests would be family. How close are the family?

A sibling - yes I would take the holidays and come
A cousin - no (with the exception of one who is more like a sister)

Even if people want to come you have to be mindful a lot of employers don’t allow you just to take a couple of days off during peak holiday periods ie Summer. So some of your guests may have to take a full week of annual leave to attend your mid week wedding. They would need to be very close to me for me to give up a full week of leave if I was in that situation

TerribleCustomerCervix · 03/08/2020 12:29

The couple of midweek weddings I've been to have had really depressing, downbeat atmospheres in the reception as everyone leaves early and knows they have work the next day

This has been my experience too. People constantly looking at their phones, checking the time to see when they need to leave in preparation for work/school run etc the next morning.

You’ll get plenty of people come on and say that their midweek wedding was great craic with people swinging from the chandeliers until 4am, but from the few I’ve been to there’s been a very different (and not in a good way) atmosphere from a Friday or Saturday ‘do.

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