To get married on a Wednesday

[elephantfeels]

We were due to get married on a Saturday early next year. We are currently looking into our options as our wedding would be in winter and with a second wave looming etc it is looking likely that it won't be the day we had planned (or paid for!!).
We have been given the opportunity to rearrange for next August but the only day they have free is a Wednesday (we wouldn't have to pay any extra). Obviously this will impact work and guests having to take holidays etc. One set of parents are really up for it especially as we could relocate outside if the weather is nice and one set thinks it's a terrible idea and just keep going toward our original date.

Neither myself or DP know what to do. And don't know what people think of midweek weddings!

Would IBU to reschedule for a Wednesday?

Your venue is taking the piss. No way a Saturday in October should be £3k more than a Saturday in January. August, perhaps.

I know venues are struggling right now but this feels wrong. I would tell them that it needs to be a weekend and you can’t afford £3k more. I would be asking about the following January.

[quote tocancel]@VinylDetective is that not the crux of it though? Way easier / cheaper for the couple but inconvenient for the guests! [/quote]
No, it was arranged for our guests’ convenience. Most of the bloke’s family are/were teachers and could only do school holidays. We knew their travel costs from N Ireland would be massive at Easter so we arranged the wedding on a Wednesday to minimise them. The lower cost to us was just a lucky incidental benefit.

All the midweek weddings I've been to have been a bit of a damp squib, people leaving early because they have work the next day and don't want to use a second day's annual leave. Not many of the dance floor, generally kind of dull!

Go for it it saves a fortune just switching from a Saturday to a weekday.
I got married on a Thursday almost £800 cheaper than 2 days later on the saturday.

Week day weddings arent cheaper though. They just push the cost of the wedding on to the guests. For me to attend a weekday wedding it would be unpaid leave. Same with getting married abroad. Often significantly cheaper for the bride and groom, but the cost is passed on to guests whose expense have grown massively.

We got married on a Tuesday (in August) we originally booked it on our anniversary and we were going to surprise everyone and tell them we’d got married.

Six months before the wedding I got really upset and decided I wanted our parents, our close families and friends there so we invited them not expecting many to be able to attend. We had 20 guests in the end. Our ‘reception’ was a BBQ in our back garden and everyone was gone by around 7/7.30pm which was perfect for us, and them.

So, I guess it depends what you want from your wedding? If you want it more like a traditional wedding with evening reception, which, from your pp it seems like that’s what you’d booked I personally would wait for a weekend.

@Maxineputyourredshoeson

We got married on a Tuesday (in August) we originally booked it on our anniversary and we were going to surprise everyone and tell them we’d got married.

Six months before the wedding I got really upset and decided I wanted our parents, our close families and friends there so we invited them not expecting many to be able to attend. We had 20 guests in the end. Our ‘reception’ was a BBQ in our back garden and everyone was gone by around 7/7.30pm which was perfect for us, and them.

So, I guess it depends what you want from your wedding? If you want it more like a traditional wedding with evening reception, which, from your pp it seems like that’s what you’d booked I personally would wait for a weekend.

Sorry should have said - we invited 20 people and all attended.

I think I'd take another approach (just suggesting as you may not like it). I think I would get married with just me and DP in January, then hold a party much later like a first anniversary or something - hopefully out of the way of Covid19 and cheaper as not a wedding. Just a thought.

The OP has paid for a lot of her wedding and can't get the money back.

I never accused anyone of saying anything shitty!

I just stayed my reasonable and experienced opinion that you'd simply be passing the costs on to guests.

The whole reason we went for a winter wedding was because it was the weekends that we could afford at that venue (which is by far not the only venue) and with extras that are unnecessary and your guests won't really care about.

Also if you read my updates the reception can have up to 100 people with 65 people already invited so the DJ isn't just for 35 of us!!

I read all your posts, again from experience I very much doubt all those 65 invited solely to the eve reception will actually turn up for a late "do" on a Wednesday. People really generally don't fancy having a late night and possibly a hangover when the next morning they may have to be getting up early for work or to care for young children/get them to school or childcare. If you're expecting the eve guests to stump up for accommodation and take the following day off in order to fully participate that again is passing on the costs to your guests.

None of our guests have young children and none are teachers/work in a school apart from myself so I'm well aware of restrictions for holidays etc.

How many of them work in hospitality? There are often leave bans in the summer holidays for these workers. Ditto retail.

They haven't pressured us into buying anything the package we brought included a wedding planner who has acted as a wedding planner would. They haven't sold us anything! they will be a glorified events planner at best and while inc in your "package" they are ultimately paid by and employed by and their loyalty to the venue. Trust me. They tend to be paid on a commission basis! So the more "extras" they get you to buy... you get the idea!

And I have NEVER insulted you the way you are making out!

If you feel like that's how I view you that says more about your attitude than mine.

I'm genuinely trying to help you here.

Your guests WILL be (albeit willingly depending on the relationship) spending in order to attend your wedding and I really think you need an attitude shift on that as you should be appreciative of their willingness to do so and quite possibly be inconvenienced by a mid-week wedding which may well mean they're needing additional nights in accommodation and/or additional days off work eating into their precious annual leave.

With the coming economic recession due to cv and Brexit, peoples belts are going to be very tight AND they're not going to want to risk annoying employers at a time when redundancies are likely.

I am by far NOT the only one on the thread to point out the negative impact on your guests of this option and quite possibly yourself as you may well find quite a few guests withdraw their rsvp's!

@Womencanlift I think op is angry and reacting this way as they know what I and others are saying is true and they don't want to hear it to be honest

No music, no dancing, no piss-up, no evening do at all which is why I said a weekday wedding when it's a quieter affair works fine - but that's not the wedding op wants

I've organised a lot of weddings and quite honestly the bridal couple (it's really not just women that go "bridezilla" had my share of "groomzillas" too) having realistic expectations makes them run a lot more smoothly!

Ugh mn messed up my formatting

The whole reason we went for a winter wedding was because it was the weekends that we could afford

at that venue (which is by far not the only venue) and with extras that are unnecessary and your guests won't really care about.

I would say you would get very few attending the evening reception on a wednesday so while you might invite 65, you'll probably be lucky to get 20. If I was invited to an evening reception, especially a couple of hours drive away, there is no way I would go on a wednesday.

If I was close to someone, I would do my best to attend on the wednesday if I was invited to the full wedding but there are times I cannot take holidays so if it hit one of those times, I couldn't go. We didn't attend bil's holiday abroad as I couldn't take the time off.

I think a small, intimate wedding without an evening party would be lovely and work well on a wednesday. Otherwise, I'd say it will be a damp squib.

Do whatever makes you happy OP. We had a Christmas wedding and were married 4 days before on a Monday. 50 guests during the day and 250 on the evening. We expected lots of guests not to come due to it being a weekday, but everyone turned up and it was fantastic.

@Graphista I think op is angry and reacting this way as they know what I and others are saying is true and they don't want to hear it to be honest
I'm angry because of the time of your message. 'I hate it when bridal couples do this' and 'you're passing the £3k onto your guests'

If you have worked in the industry you are aware that not everyone can afford that much money. The venue has sentimental value to us and is the one that we have chosen and saved for. We've worked hard to afford it and as I've said are not in a position to spend another £3k for a weekend in October.
If you'd also read the updates you can see that we've already paid most the wedding and the insurance we have taken out will not cover anything related to covid unless the venue cancel the day which the venue will not do if it could go ahead. All be it with limited numbers and no reception. So we don't have another choice of venue unless we loose the £4000 we have put down already.

I asked for opinions on a Wednesday wedding because I wanted to know. Most people have said it's annoying and that's fine we had a 50/50 split from family so wanted wider opinions.

To be honest if people don't come then that's fine, we understand not everyone will want to come. The only weddings I've been too have been on sundays so maybe it's because I've only ever seen that side of it that I have seen it can be done without it being rubbish.

None of the guests are hospitality or retail all do general office work and no holiday bans as pre covid they would take their holiday in late August/September. The only one with holiday issues has always been me!

As you have worked in the industry I'm surprised you are so damning of the extras when it, for me adds a bit more to your day. E.g my cousin had the flower walls, led 5ft lights and a lit dance floor and it really brought it together and was the focus of most guests photos.

The situation is this

1. We cannot change the venue
2. We cannot afford £3k extra for a weekend in October
3. We are looking at other options other than a Wednesday but wanted opinions
4. We are not asking guests to pay for their accommodation and drinks are provided for day and evening guests whether that be soft or alcoholic

I think we should all try to be aware- when posting- that this is not a case where the B2B has deliberately picked a mid week day to make it cheaper. The wedding was planned for a weekend, it's coronavirus that has made the original dates questionable and a £3k hike for another weekend date is a big jump.

I wouldn't be in a rush to attend a mid week wedding, but if I knew the reason for it being mid week was postponement because of covid, I'd look on it a lot more positively in terms of trying to attend and staying for the evening reception- of course with the understanding that's not possible for everyone.

I do wonder though OP did the venue tell you what would happen if the event wasn't able to take place at their end because of covid restrictions- would you get a refund, or a reschedule?

@rookiemere thank you. It defo isn't deliberate and we had worked hard to afford our weekend date!
If the venue had to cancel then it would be rescheduled or refunded depending on what they can offer.
We are in a position where certain family members are refusing to come due to fears of a second wave including my grandparents which has made it much more difficult to stay positive and look forward to our day!!

It depends on how much you want to get married.
You can keep delaying until you get the wedding that you want or you can just get married and move on.
Do you want a big wedding or do you want to get married?

VinylDetective
A weekday wedding In school holidays when most of the guests are teachers is a bit different to a weekday wedding when the guests are likely to have to take holiday or unpaid leave, take DCs out of school etc.

You can’t compare the two situations.

We got married on a Wednesday in August age most people came! With enough notice people can book it off work no prob. We had 80 guests! X

I was invited to a Thursday wedding in a local venue, happily took the day off and didn’t drink much as I knew I had work the next day. There were 112 guests so a fairly big wedding. I didn’t think anything of it.

Weekday weddings are selfish. You're saving cost yourself at the expense of your guests, who incur substantially more cost in the form of holiday allowance.

@WhattheHhashappened

VinylDetective A weekday wedding In school holidays when most of the guests are teachers is a bit different to a weekday wedding when the guests are likely to have to take holiday or unpaid leave, take DCs out of school etc.

You can’t compare the two situations.

I was explaining why we did it in response to a pp who told me I was selfish to have a weekday wedding and it was at the expense of our guests when it was actually for their benefit.

@cleopatrascorset did you read any of my OP. The wedding WAS booked for the weekend. We are now facing changing it due to Covid and the date they have given is for a weekday or October with a price increase of £3k.
I did not book a weekday first of all, it was not a plan to have to consider this, it is not our first choice, it is not ideal for any of us!

I got married on a Wednesday, with the originally planning on getting married on a Saturday. Tbh, I'm so glad I got married during the week. I saved £4K on venue hire alone. Some people weren't able to come due to work (which I was pleased about - extended family 🤣)

Yes OP I read it. Seems like you can't afford the increase, so you're having your guests fund it by taking holiday. Like I said, selfish. Why don't you rebook for 12 months later at the same price?

@elephantfeels don't feel pressured into spending thousands more just to change the day. It's madness!

You booked a Sat, Covid messed that up. Anyone reasonable will understand that in the current climate. A Weds in August is much more preferable to most than a Sat in January right now anyway - who knows where we'll be then, possibly a second or even a third wave. At best people will still be isolating with symptoms, which will be a nightmare in the middle of winter.

Not everyone works 9-5, Mon to Fri nowadays anyway. You can't please all the people all the time.

Do what works best for you. You're giving people plenty of notice. Concentrate on what you want. Maybe ask about a Friday or a Sunday? Or a later wedding so people can take a half days? Bank holidays? Or just do the Wednesday!