To get married on a Wednesday

[elephantfeels]

We were due to get married on a Saturday early next year. We are currently looking into our options as our wedding would be in winter and with a second wave looming etc it is looking likely that it won't be the day we had planned (or paid for!!).
We have been given the opportunity to rearrange for next August but the only day they have free is a Wednesday (we wouldn't have to pay any extra). Obviously this will impact work and guests having to take holidays etc. One set of parents are really up for it especially as we could relocate outside if the weather is nice and one set thinks it's a terrible idea and just keep going toward our original date.

Neither myself or DP know what to do. And don't know what people think of midweek weddings!

Would IBU to reschedule for a Wednesday?

We got married on a Thursday with 80 guests and the majority had a minimum 2 hour journey. Everyone care and it was a wonderful day.

@welcometohell of course. We totally accept that and wouldn't dream of being offended or upset as know it would be a big ask!

I've organised a call with the venue tomorrow so hopefully we can talk through our options and see what we can do

If people really want to be there they will be, if not they won't.

It's really not that simple. We were meant to be going to 5 weddings this year, so far 3 of them have been rearranged for weekdays - are you happy for your child's teacher to take multiple days off for weddings?

Or if the Consultant you've been waiting to see since before lockdown takes multiple days off for weddings?

It's not remotely as simple as "If they want to be there they will"

We have got the option of moving it to next October on a Saturday but the price goes up by £3000 and I don't think I can justify it

This attitude from bridal couples really annoys me.

How much will it cost your guests in terms of time off work and possibly overnight accommodation - which is in addition to what they're already spending on outfits, gifts, drinks at reception etc?

Bet that comes to more than £3k - you'd simply be passing on the costs to your guests.

I worked in the wedding industry in the past and quite honestly mid week weddings are pretty dull, fewer guests come and those that do may well feel unable to relax even if they do have time off work as the psychology is still that it's the "working week"

I have to say I also think it's not enough notice for an August wedding as many will have already booked summer holidays for next year.

Many workplaces also have leave bans or strictly limited leave in school holidays especially the summer holidays

I'd strongly advise you don't do this.

I've never told any of the people who had midweek weddings that I went to that I thought their weddings were depressing... exactly because we're more polite and less honest in real life

As I suspected with price v no of guests you've gone for having a lot of unnecessary fripperies - your choice - but for a small wedding I really don't think they're worth having

Tbh I think a DJ is going to be a bit awkward at a 35 person wedding under the best possibly I would agree

I'm also baffled why you had a wedding planner! I'm guessing you may mean the venues events co-ordinator? One of my former jobs in the industry - their job is actually NOT to act as your wedding planner but to get you to spend more on the wedding with that venue than you originally planned to!

An evening reception with supposedly extra guests on a Wednesday? Nah won't work! People will cry off last min trust me

The only type of wedding a mid week wedding can possibly work for is one not intended to be a boozy, upbeat party type, small wedding with an afternoon tea type thing.

It's not remotely as simple as "If they want to be there they will" completely agree

Especially with mid week weddings many people have employers and childcare that simply isn't that flexible and their employment and childcare provision is understandably more important than that one day

@LemonyFace

I think with a year's notice it'll be fine op. If people really want to be there they will be, if not they won't. No one can moan about a weekday wedding with 12months notice.

You do realise employees can’t just take time off work whenever they want? Due to the industry I work in there are significant parts of the year I cannot take any holiday at all. In lots of work places holiday during school holidays is automatically allocated in week blocks, if someone already has that block then no one else can have time off.

Your thinking is very simplistic.

Bit of an odd idea but could you hold the ceremony and reception on different days? So just the important people would be at the ceremony and then have a big reception somewhere else on the Saturday.

@Graphista wow.... well thank you for that piece of your mind. The jump from £5500 to £9000 is huge for us and simply not achievable at the moment I don't think that's a shitty thing to say. The whole reason we went for a winter wedding was because it was the weekends that we could afford.
Also if you read my updates the reception can have up to 100 people with 65 people already invited so the DJ isn't just for 35 of us!!
None of our guests have young children and none are teachers/work in a school apart from myself so I'm well aware of restrictions for holidays etc.
They haven't pressured us into buying anything the package we brought included a wedding planner who has acted as a wedding planner would. They haven't sold us anything!

I don't think it makes us a shit couple to not have an extra £3-4000 lying around! Our guests are not having to pay for anything so it wouldn't cost them any money that they would have spent anyway the only thing would be 1/2 days holiday.

Thanks for making out like we are shit people!!

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut yes this is our back up plan if we keep our original date. We would cut the reception and have it in the summer on a Friday or Saturday night.

Could you not postpone for the following year- jan 2022?

@mamaoffourdc we have a meeting tomorrow to discuss but that's something I've suggested to DP today or even move it to a summer 2022 wedding so we have more time to save up. Obviously date permitting

It's good to read other opinions but the decision will ultimately depend on what you want for your wedding.

DSis is a teacher, most of her friends were teachers so a mid-week summer wedding was perfect.

In my friend circle, everyone works FT M-F so a weekend day wedding was never going to work. Having 'everyone I love at a party together' was the most important thing for me, so my compromise in your shoes would be to slip off to a registry office with just very close family for the ceremony and have a Saturday evening party at some point.

Another friend in my friendship circle went for a large 200+ Sunday wedding in a fabulous venue. Great DJ but by 8pm there were only five of us left. Not my choice but she is quite introverted so was more than happy with that outcome.

If the pandemic has taught us one thing it's that we can't know what is coming towards us. If you already have D.C., I would prioritise there ceremony and postpone the party.

If you're planning a big white wedding with lots of guests I wouldn't plan for a Wednesday personally.

Have you thought about just doing the wedding bit now OP with a few close family members/guests and then have the do later with everyone maybe on an anniversary when Covid has gone etc? I think you may struggle to get what you want for a very long time otherwise.

My cousin had a weekday wedding during term time. Both me and DH were expected to attend both day and evening events.
They live 250 miles away.
We had leave of abs (unpaid)
We drove up straight after work on the Tuesday, attended the wedding on the Wednesday and drove back through the night so that we could go to work on Thursday.
Despite costing us 2 days pay between us, we were absolutely exhausted.
It was bloody miserable.

I went to a wedding g on a Monday once - no atmosphere at all because everyone had to get up for work the next day and nobody wanted to use 2 days annual leave.

Teachers btw (reason for unpaid LOA during term time)

I’d go with postponement personally to Jan 2022. Better to have a complete day as you’d like it than something that doesn’t feel right or a ceremony and then celebration at a later date - it really dilutes the excitement, as will having a mid-week wedding. Also, if it means you can save more perhaps you can have less of a two tier guest list and more people at the full day. I always think an evening invite only is a bit crap and I definitely wouldn’t travel far, take time off work or pay out for a hotel just for an evening.

Now that I see what the grand package is (including the honeymoon suite etc.), I think that it is rather selfish and unfair of you to have it on a Wednesday, even more than before. For you to get the benefit of the three thousand pounds, sixty five people could be sacrificing two precious vacation days each, not to mention all the normal costs of attending a wedding? That sounds like a massive inconvenience to them. Also, you are vacillating between 35 for breakfast and 65 for the evening, which surely means that you have more flexibiity in your budget than you first said. Those two parties surely cost very different amounts of money!

OP I think you have taken the comment from @Graphista a little bit of the wrong way. They didn’t say you were a shit couple to not have it lying around. They were just pointing out that a midweek wedding can be inconvenient and costly for guests

For the majority of guests a midweek wedding is an extra cost if you take into consideration that they will likely have to take annual leave for 2-3 days, potentially even a week if their employer does not allow individually days during the peak holiday periods.

Yes there is a huge weekend premium compared to mid week so it’s good that you are considering options with the venue. If I were you I would create a list of people you would absolutely want there and sound them out on whether they could hypothetically go to a mid week wedding. If any of them say no then at that point you can make a cal on whether to proceed or delay until a weekend is more affordable

@Durgasarrow sorry slightly confused by what you mean?
The £5500 or the £9000 is for the same party size so 35 for wedding and up to 100 for evening reception. That is the package.

@elephantfeels can’t you just wait?

Jan is a long way away and you’d be gutted if you could have gone ahead but then have to wait until August for a week day wedding.

I have loads of weddings (including my own) and I’m not sure what will happen with them - I think by October / November you’ll have a much better idea!

A close friend of mine got married on a Tuesday, only 2 people declined and nearly everyone booked a room at the venue to stay over. It was a great day.

For you to get the benefit of the three thousand pounds, sixty five people could be sacrificing two precious vacation days each

Wow! There’s no sacrifice to attend a party is there? You either go or you don’t.

I wouldn’t want a family member to be charged an extra £3K because of a few days.

I doubt many will even be on holiday next year!

We got married on a Wednesday. It worked really well for us. We were able to arrange our wedding in less than four months because nobody else wanted the church, the car, the caterers, the photographer, etc in the middle of the week. It was a lot cheaper too. I can’t recommend it more highly.

@VinylDetective is that not the crux of it though? Way easier / cheaper for the couple but inconvenient for the guests!

A member of my family had a winter weekday wedding. It was second time round for both parties, they had a midday ceremony followed by a sit down lunch at the same venue. Then speeches, cake cutting photo op, and that was it. No music, no dancing, no piss-up, no evening do at all. It was a lovely day, though and everyone enjoyed it.