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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

26yo woman flirting with 18yo lad

117 replies

Custardcllouds · 03/08/2020 11:15

NC for this.

If it was your DS (the 18 year old) would you be ok with that or would you, like me, think it's inappropriate and bordering on creepy?

OP posts:
LegoMaus · 03/08/2020 11:18

They’re both adults 🤷‍♀️

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 03/08/2020 11:19

See, now I think it's a bit creepy....but then my bf is 12 years younger than me. When I was 26, he was 14. Roll on 30 years, and its seen as being ok. I wasn't comfortable for months and months with the age gap, but nobody notices it ....me included now. Im aware I'm a hypocrite. Depends on what the 26yo is doing specifically I suppose

rattusrattus20 · 03/08/2020 11:20

doesn't sound like a match made in heaven for either side but, still, it's only flirting and, even then the age difference is not that bad, so i guess YABU.

HappyDinosaur · 03/08/2020 11:22

It's fine, 8 years isn't that much and they are both adults. My mum is 12 years older than my dad and they've been married over 40 years!

RedRumTheHorse · 03/08/2020 11:23

They are just flirting with each other.

I suspect you are upset as you think she is mature.

If your son was 26 and she was 34 you wouldn't think anything of it.

Theimpossiblegirl · 03/08/2020 11:24

An 18 year old is usually still very immature, I can't imagine him having much to offer a 26 year old long term. I wouldn't like it but I'd be inclined to butt out and let it run its course (but have the contraception talk embarrassingly often).

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 03/08/2020 11:25

If it was my 18yo ds I would hate it and think it was creepy. He's still my baby in my eyes though Grin

If it was another 18yo and 26yo I wouldn't think anything of it.

Tlollj · 03/08/2020 11:26

It’s not so much how many years but which years I think. 26/34 ok. 18/26 not so much. Either way round I think too.

Original poster
Custardcllouds · 03/08/2020 11:30

If it was my 18yo ds I would hate it and think it was creepy. He's still my baby in my eyes though

I think that's my problem. I still think of him as a child, logically I know he isn't.. but it feels that way to me.

I suppose it doesn't help matters that she's known him since being 15.

OP posts:
Moomin12345 · 03/08/2020 11:30

Not particularly creepy. No one bats an eyelid when a 20 year old model marries a wealthy 40 year old wealthy guy. Maybe if he's 50+ though. Let's end those double standards. They're both over 18. Guys are also less prone to associating sex with emotions.

Moomin12345 · 03/08/2020 11:31

Haha i wrote wealthy twice. To be fair, when the age gap is that large, usually the guy is double wealthy Grin or famous.

waitingforadulthood · 03/08/2020 11:32

My creep of a dh (28at the time) flirted and more with the then 18yr old me. Glad he did tbh. I don't think any age gap is terrible if we are talking of adults. Individual choices innit.

NavyBerry · 03/08/2020 11:41

26 is a very young age I wouldn't notice. 46 would look weird

Crunchymum · 03/08/2020 11:44

I was seeing a 27yo when I was 18/19.

It was a respectful and happy relationship, and I still think of it fondly decades down the line!

cologne4711 · 03/08/2020 11:44

When I was 19 I had a fling with a 26 year old. It didn't last but it wasn't creepy.

TheTeenageYears · 03/08/2020 11:45

Good grief, no idea what a 26 year old would see in an 18 year old lad. DS is an 18 year old lad who can barely function without some level of adult intervention- what would a self respecting 26 year old see in someone that age?

Sunshineonrainydays · 03/08/2020 11:45

It would make me feel a bit uncomfortable too seeing as she’s also known him since he was 15. But in reality they are both adults.

leftovercoffeecake · 03/08/2020 11:53

I suppose it doesn't help matters that she's known him since being 15.

This is what makes it creepy to me. It reminds me of those creepy men who prey on girls the second they turn 18.

Regularsizedrudy · 03/08/2020 11:54

Yes they are both technically adults but I would still find it inappropriate. When I was 26 i would see an 18 yo as a child

GrumpyHoonMain · 03/08/2020 11:55

If you had a daughter flirting a 26 yo man my guess is your reaction would be very different.

Rubychard · 03/08/2020 11:56

When I was 19 my boyfriend was 26. I'm now 49 and hes 56. If we'd still been together, does that difference sound so dramatic??

MyGodImSoYoung · 03/08/2020 11:58

I met my fiance when I was 18, but we didn't date until I was 19. He was 37. It works perfectly well for us. He is not wealthy, before those assumptions appear. And no one realises he is that old, as he only looks about 30 at most.

Some may think it is creepy, but imagine finding 'The One' but not getting to date them because they were older than you.

My fiance and I had a serious discussion about what we wanted to get out of life. It felt very interview-like at the time, but was entirely necessary.

If your son thinks this may become a serious relationship, then maybe encourage him to discuss how they see the relationship progressing. She might be wanting children, but at 18 I am sure this seems a long way off to him.

If they are on the same wavelength, then let them give it a go. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't really matter, does it?

lljkk · 03/08/2020 11:59

I would pity the 26yo bloke if 18yo DD flirted with him. Same as I tend to pity all the blokes who take a shine to her. She's a bit of a man-eater.

Eatyourbanana · 03/08/2020 12:01

My mum was 25 & my dad was 19 when I was born. My mum isn’t creepy 😂 saying that I’m 28 & can’t imagine dating a 20yo.

worstwitch18 · 03/08/2020 12:02

I think it's a bit weird. By the time I was 21 I wouldn't have fancied an 18 year old, especially if he was fresh out of school (not sure if that's the case here). Certainly not at 26.

I don't think an 8 year age gap is too much in general, but I think it's too much when one of the partners is a teenager.