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Original poster

26yo woman flirting with 18yo lad

117 replies

Custardcllouds · 03/08/2020 11:15

NC for this.

If it was your DS (the 18 year old) would you be ok with that or would you, like me, think it's inappropriate and bordering on creepy?

OP posts:
DoIneed1 · 03/08/2020 12:02

Really lljjk? What a strange way to talk about your dd.

Op, I would have concerns.

Aragog · 03/08/2020 12:04

I wouldn't be happy at all if 26y man was trying to get with my 18y DD.

Yes they are both technically adults but are general worlds apart in terms of life experiences at that age. For that reason it is inappropriate, In a few years time that kind of age gap wouldn't seem so bad - but when is just 18y its just too big.

DD is only just out of school, still dependent on us, her parents, financially (and often emotionally, etc too) and has yet to experience a lot in life. She still has years of education ahead of her, still to experience living away from home, etc.

You would expect a 26y to have been in work for a few years now, living independently, financially independent and to have experienced a fair bit more of life.

Many 18y think they are grown up. You only have to be in their company a short while, listening to them chatting, to realise that they aren't really yet fully grown up at all. In my years of teaching and knowing many 18y I have yet to meet a fully independent, fully grown up one.

Twirlytwoo · 03/08/2020 12:05

I think it's quite a big age gap but then I know someone who was 26 and his now wife was 16 at the time and fell pregnant three months later. I thought it was wrong (16 is so young and she was still at school) but everyone else seemed to think it was perfectly normal.

AngelicInnocent · 03/08/2020 12:06

Same as pp, in theory fine but in reality I wouldn't be too happy if it were my DS or DD.

x2boys · 03/08/2020 12:06

I don't think 8 years is a big deal ,but I think it's the stages of life they are at ,a 42 year old dating 50 yr old nobody would think anything of it ,but 18 is only just an adult and it would concern me if it was my son .

Coffeeandbeans · 03/08/2020 12:06

Of course it is ok. She may be a very young 26 year old. My ex h went off with a girl 20 years younger than him and no one said anything. If you are ok with it the other way round then you are hypocritical.

Aragog · 03/08/2020 12:07

If you had a daughter flirting a 26 yo man my guess is your reaction would be very different.

I really wouldn't. I would be having a quiet word with my 18y DD about the age gap and differences in life stages/experiences, and why I wouldn't think it was appropriate.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 03/08/2020 12:09

My DD is 19 and her boyfriend is 27. I don't think it's creepy at all but I worry that they're at very different stages of life, he has done a lot and she has barely left 6th form.

Littlemeadow123 · 03/08/2020 12:11

Is anything likely to come if it? Or if they've known each other for three years, is it just a bit of playful, flirty banter?

He is an adult so they are not doing anything wrong if it is more than just flirting. I can't see it lasting overly long unless he is mature for his age. As others have said, make sure that he uses protection.

belasorela · 03/08/2020 12:13

There's 9 1/2 years between me and my fiancé, we have a house and a baby Grin I'm 35. We met when he was 21 ... he's very mature for his age and I'm quite young for my age, it works.

I wouldn't worry they're both adults.

malificent7 · 03/08/2020 12:14

She's 26 not 66.

MaintainTheMolehill · 03/08/2020 12:17

It depends on their personalities is your son mature for his age, is she immature for hers?

I met my dh 22 years ago when I was18 and he was 26, I was mature for my age and he wasn't so we kind of met in the middle.

If it was my son I would just be worried that it may disrupt uni plans or that he would feel rushed into things because she was ready such as moving in together.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2020 12:17

I’d not have a particular issue with this to be fair. I dated folks or twenty six and older when I was eighteen.

I’d strongly recommend you don’t get involved op as that makes it forbidden fruit territory and is going to cause issues for you.

neonjumper · 03/08/2020 12:20

It's not the age gap of 8 years as such but the huge difference in experience.

Thinking about my 25 or even 23 year old nieces going out with an 18 year does not feel right to me . Their levels of maturity and confidence especially in romantic/sexual experiences would be very mismatched .

FenellaVelour · 03/08/2020 12:20

Surely depends on the individuals. I met my husband when he was 18 and I was 29 and we are both a lot, lot older now. Never any issues for us, but he’s always got on better with older people and was never interested in the typical young adult things.

TrickyD · 03/08/2020 12:21

I met DH when he was 16 and I was 23. We started a relationship a year later and married when he was 20 and I, 26.
Two DSs and four DGCs later, It will be our 50th anniversary next year.
Sometimes age gaps work perfectly well.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2020 12:24

@neonjumper

It's not the age gap of 8 years as such but the huge difference in experience.

Thinking about my 25 or even 23 year old nieces going out with an 18 year does not feel right to me . Their levels of maturity and confidence especially in romantic/sexual experiences would be very mismatched .

That’s just so generalised to be untrue.

I’ve met plenty eighteen year olds with a lot of life experience, and many twenty six year olds who have been very sheltered. You really can’t generalise like that, it’s about rhe individuals.

Some folks have been through a lot by eighteen, others nothing by 26.

Cattermole · 03/08/2020 12:25

I'm 48 and the 19 year old next door flirts with me.
I think he'd run a mile if I took him up on it, but it's rather sweet...

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 03/08/2020 12:28

I think it depends.. 18 year old who’s still in school vs 18 year old at uni or in the workplace. My ds is 18 and just finished his second year at college, he was the youngest on his course, but if he had dated a fellow student who happened to be a few years older, I wouldn’t have thought much of it (ditto when he starts uni next term). However, the fact that she’s known him for longer might make me a bit squirmy in your shoes.

Junenamechange · 03/08/2020 12:31

People somehow accept the man being older more easily, do you think? I am 7 years older than my DH, we have been together 30 years, with two DC. I sometimes joke that when I left school and worked in my first job he was only 9.

The age gap seems like nothing now, but if he had been 18 and I had been 25 I doubt we would have got together. 18 and 26 are a long way apart whereas 25 and 31 doesn't even seem worth mentioning!

formerbabe · 03/08/2020 12:32

I had a 26 year old boyfriend when I was 18. He wasn't creepy or weird...just a normal guy who I met in a nightclub. We were both still living at home although he had a job and I was finishing my a levels.

When I was 26, I wouldn't have wanted to go near an 18 year old guy but they're both adults.

PregnantAndTiredMum · 03/08/2020 12:35

It's not the age gap it's the fact that I'd expect a 26yo to have a much higher level of maturity than an 18yo and be at a different stage in life.
I think it's inappropriate.

TheVanguardSix · 03/08/2020 12:37

It's a weird one. I had a summer fling in Paris with a 19-year old when I was 24 and to be honest, I felt a bit weird about it. I expected so much of him! I have an 18-year-old son now myself and I feel rather upset with how mature I expected this lad to be. He was a Swedish summer student at the Sorbonne, just on the cusp of becoming a young man. I wasn't too mature myself. But I expected a relationship with the poor guy. I expected him to have a head on his shoulders that he couldn't have possibly had at 19. I'd broken up with my 31-year-old boyfriend and I had no understanding or insight into how young this man was, let alone myself. We got along great and he was a lovely guy. We're friends to this day, funnily enough- not super chums, but we keep in sporadic touch.
If my 18-year-old son was seeing a 26-year-old woman, I'd see it as a passing fancy. It wouldn't really creep me out, but I'd be well aware of the mental/emotional age difference. I think my 18-year-old son would run a mile. Grin I could be wrong though.

Magnetfisher · 03/08/2020 12:41

Not at those ages. 18 and 30+ yeah, probably.

Chocolateoo · 03/08/2020 12:43

I half get you from a parents points of view. But they are both old enough to have sex, drink beer, drive cars. It's usually the other way around though and it's an older lad. Depends on your son too. Is he mature?