26yo woman flirting with 18yo lad

[Custardcllouds]

NC for this.

If it was your DS (the 18 year old) would you be ok with that or would you, like me, think it's inappropriate and bordering on creepy?

@HavelockVetinari

I would point out he didn't 'go for' a teenager. We were both working in a professional environment and didn't realise the massive age gap until we discussed it, by which point we were both already interested in seeing where things might go.

There is certainly no power gap. Yes, he has more world experience than me in some ways, but I have been through some things that most will not experience. I am a Lawyer and he was a secretary. I can definitely hold my own in an argument, and I will not be walked over.

An age-gap relationship can, of course, have the issues that you point out, and I wouldn't actively encourage anyone to search for a much older or younger spouse. But my relationship works much better than I have had with guys my age, who generally seem so immature compared to me.

I needed to be with someone who had done his 'fun' bit and wanted a serious relationship. I am quite the boring old fart, and 'men' my age wouldn't enjoy being with me either.

What a strange way to talk about your dd.

Agreed. MN is so full of women who can't handle conflict, can't say Boo to a Goose, drip with anxiety, are scared to go anywhere alone -- yes indeed it is strange on here to hear about females that take command of the situation and happily survey the dishy males in their vicinity as potential conquests. She's very kind at turning chaps down, too. Straight-taking & simple and they stay friends afterwards. I am in awe of her social skills, too.

My previous relationship I was 18 and girlfriend was 26.
Now I am 20 and involved with someone that is 32.
But in my case, I haven't lived at home since 15. Live abroad since 18. People say that when they talk to me, they would never guess I am that young.

I don't think age matters, as long as you both have the same perspective for life and willing to go at the same time.

I sorted of understand those saying end the double standard, as no one would be bothered if the genders were reversed, but then there are some major differences ( which some of those same posters have mentioned without any sense of irony).
Men do mature slower than females in my view, and I think there is a big leap between an 18 yo and a 26 yo. Although this is general view and may not be appropriate here
I dont think I would worry of it was some one else's child, but it may cause me to hesitate of it was mine.
If I was 26 yo and dating an 18 yo I would expect alot of teasing from my friends.

Is this light meaningless flirting or the kind of flirting that's meant to lead to a relationship?

As a mother that'd colour my feelings about it.

However as an objective adullt I'd point out that 26 year old men going out with 18 year old women are all over the place and universally defended/ applauded. 18 year old women congratulating themselves on their amazing maturity when dating a man not just 8 but 20+ years older are so common as to be a dull predictable cliche, whilst all around them notice that it's the man who's either simply immature/ Peter Pan/ a sex pest/ an abuser not the woman who's unusually mature...

Is your son flirting back, would be the key question anyway?

@lljkk for what it's worth I was at your comment. I have a man-eater DD too. Nothing wrong with a bit of female empowerment

Lljjk thanks for the explanation re man eater. Totally different to what I thought it would be!

Could be worse, could be a 34yo actively seeking out 18yo’s because she ‘loves a baby face’ 😷

That being said a 26yo and an 18yo to me just feels wrong no matter who is the woman/man in the scenario.

of course its not creepy, its flirting, not marriage and kids at this point.

Both are adults and probably just looking for a bit of fun

He is probably enjoying the attention

Not that huge a difference imo. Would be different if she was mid 30s or something !

“I suppose it doesn't help matters that she's known him since being 15.”

Was a bit meh until I read that. Which is a bit creepy.

No, I would not be OK with it.

I would recognise that it was legal, that my son was an adult, that when I was 18 I felt mature enough to have relationships with people in their mid 20s, all of that.

I would still not be OK with it, especially if the 26 year old had known my son since he was a younger teenager. I think for me it's more about the relationships than the ages, although the ages do matter.

Mind you, they may fall in love, settle down, be together forever and at some point I'd have to get over the initial ick factor and accept their relationship I suppose!

I don't think you can say without understanding the maturity level. For arguments sake my DP at 18 was more mature than I was at 22 , he had had to drop out of college to support his mother and brothers. He spent many years looking after the house and paying the Bill's and keeping his brothers (two of which are autistic, one relatively severely and a third who was much younger and still at school) . At 22 I had been sheltered and at university and lived a more privileged but with less responsibility lifestyle. Frankly at 18 DP would have had far more maturity than I did at older . (We actually met in our thirties but comparably).

I met DH when he was 23 and I was 29. He's actually younger than my sibling, but in terms of maturity he's way ahead (sibling is now 37 but acts like 21). I had a few good humoured eye rolls from my friends when I told them I had met someone new and his age, but he's a fantastic husband, does his fair share with everything, supportive and a great dad.

Not saying that you have to be happy about it per say, but, is your son happy? Is he mature? Wouldn’t be the same issue if he were 26 and she were 34 - it’s all just relative really isn’t it? Support him. Cos he will also want your support when if it ends

Not saying that you have to be happy about it per say

per se - Latin for "in itself". "Per say" doesn't mean anything.