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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

26yo woman flirting with 18yo lad

117 replies

Custardcllouds · 03/08/2020 11:15

NC for this.

If it was your DS (the 18 year old) would you be ok with that or would you, like me, think it's inappropriate and bordering on creepy?

OP posts:
strawberrypip · 03/08/2020 13:48

I dont think its creepy. both adults - that's pretty much the beginning and the end of it.

greysome · 03/08/2020 13:50

I had a fling with an 18 year old when I was 25. In fairness I didn't realise he was that young straight away, he looked early 20's. Sure we probably were at different stages of life and had different life experiences. I had just got out of a 5 year relationship and was having a fun summer... it suited us both but nether of us thought it would be long term!

ClementineWoolysocks · 03/08/2020 13:55

Depends what you mean by flirting and if that's all it is. It isn't creepy if they're having a laugh and he's enjoying the attention, he's old enough to know if it feels creepy to him though, then it's a bit more of a problem. I have no problem with age differences if everyone is consenting and above the age of actual consent but then I'm 51 and my other half is 35!

IndecentFeminist · 03/08/2020 13:57

Grim

SarahBellam · 03/08/2020 14:01

I’d tell him to go for it. If nothing else she’ll be able to teach him a thing or two.

jessstan2 · 03/08/2020 14:02

If they are only flirting, why worry? Lots of women think it is 'fun' to flirt with a younger chap, that sort of thing happens a lot in the work place but is usually nothing.

Anyway, you can't do much about it as your son is an adult. Young men often dream of a beautiful older woman, I've been told it is a status symbol to actually have a relationship with one.

SarahBellam · 03/08/2020 14:02

I dated a 27 year old when I was 19. Nobody batted an eyelid.

TableFlowerss · 03/08/2020 14:07

I can see you’re point OP and I wouldn’t love it, but probably more for the fact I’d assume the 18 year old would get hurt when the 26 gets bored.

I8toys · 03/08/2020 14:07

Not sure why a 26 year old woman would find an 18 year old attractive tbh. As the mother of 2 teen boys they seem so immature!

MidnightCitrus · 03/08/2020 14:10

@Moomin12345

Not particularly creepy. No one bats an eyelid when a 20 year old model marries a wealthy 40 year old wealthy guy. Maybe if he's 50+ though. Let's end those double standards. They're both over 18. Guys are also less prone to associating sex with emotions.
er yeah they do...
GiddapGreyWaynesKeat · 03/08/2020 14:12

But it’s only flirting, they’re not in a relationship so what’s the problem? Isn’t a bit of flirtatious banter fun sometimes?

birdy124 · 03/08/2020 14:16

If it was a DD I think more ppl would say it's creepy. I think the ages make it creepy. They should be at such different life stages! Maybe she doesn't know he is so young? If they're just flirting idk what I would do...

Standrewsschool · 03/08/2020 14:24

When I was 18, I dated someone 8+ years older.

In theory, I think it depends on the circumstances and the people involved.

Although I may react differently if it were my 18 year old...

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 03/08/2020 14:25

He's still my baby in my eyes though

Now thatiscreepy.

It really isn't Confused

Atthebottomofthegarden · 03/08/2020 14:27

They’re both adults and he won’t thank you for commenting!

Unless of course he appears to be stressed out by it, or she’s his boss / teacher - which would be a pretty big drip feed.

IncandescentSilver · 03/08/2020 14:30

I'm struggling to see a problem with this.

At 18, I had left for uni, and I would have struggled to distinguish between a 20 year old and a 26 year old in the same social setting.

I dare say if I was a bloke, I might be looking for someone a little older who knows the ropes, as it were!

HavelockVetinari · 03/08/2020 14:32

@MyGodImSoYoung

I met my fiance when I was 18, but we didn't date until I was 19. He was 37. It works perfectly well for us. He is not wealthy, before those assumptions appear. And no one realises he is that old, as he only looks about 30 at most.

Some may think it is creepy, but imagine finding 'The One' but not getting to date them because they were older than you.

My fiance and I had a serious discussion about what we wanted to get out of life. It felt very interview-like at the time, but was entirely necessary.

If your son thinks this may become a serious relationship, then maybe encourage him to discuss how they see the relationship progressing. She might be wanting children, but at 18 I am sure this seems a long way off to him.

If they are on the same wavelength, then let them give it a go. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't really matter, does it?

The trouble with those ages is the power gap. If you'd both been 10 years older then crack on, no problem, but a grown man of 37 going for a teenager barely out of education with no real world experience? It's not right.
DeathOrGlory · 03/08/2020 14:33

They should be at such different life stages

Why can't people at different life stages flirt? Have sex, even?

Even a relationship wouldn't bother me that much. If the different life stages affects things so much, they'll break up. If you're worried about your DS getting into a non-ideal relationship that ultimately ends in breaking up... well, good luck avoiding that for his whole life!

Justaboy · 03/08/2020 14:35

Well a bit of time spent with an older woman won't harm, she'll teach him how to please a woman so he'll learn something usefull:)

KorkMum · 03/08/2020 14:36

I'd think it was disgusting and have a word with her.

feelingverylazytoday · 03/08/2020 14:37

@MaskingForIt

If a 26 year old man was flirting with an 18 year old woman no-one would have a problem.

It is just internalised misogyny which means you think a 26(f) shouldn’t flirt with an 18(m).

They certainly would have a problem on this forum. It's not creepy to me, unless there was a teacher/student relationship or something similar going on. An 18 year old should be intelligent and mature enough to decide things like this for themselves as far as I'm concerned.
TorgosPizza · 03/08/2020 14:38

There's an 8-year age difference between myself and my husband, though I'm the younger of the two. I was about 18 when we first really started talking, 22 when we married. My personality has always been a bit older and more sedate than my physical age, and my husband is one of those men who looks years younger than his age.

So much depends upon the personalities of the two concerned, the maturity of each, and the dynamics of the relationship, but based solely on their ages, I don't see anything wrong or strange about it.

stellabelle · 03/08/2020 14:38

When I met DH I was 17 and he was 29 - people thought it was terrible and that he was a creep. Now I'm 65 and he is 77, and people think we are such a sweet old couple ! Timing is everything.

mindutopia · 03/08/2020 14:44

I was 27 when I started dating dh who was 20. It's a bit funny now because I never in a million years would have gone looking for a 20 year old to date, but it was very coincidental and we just really clicked straight away. In our 30s now and the age difference isn't noticeable, except I'm definitely more tired and worn down than him.

Candyflosscookie · 03/08/2020 14:44

I agree with everything Aragog said. It's just too much difference in experience and I'd worry he wouldn't be emotionally experienced enough to deal with a relationship with someone older.
The fact she's known him since 15 is also a bit yuk. 🥴