Hi all,
Not sure where to put this but basically 15+ years ago (I was maybe 14/15) I overheard my auntie calling me some awful names to her (then) husband who called me names as well. I've never disclosed what she said to anyone, my hubby, mum etc I will take it to my grave but put it this way, it has scarred me for life.
Anyway in a convo to my mum. I said that my auntie doesn't like me, I know she doesn't because the things she said. The way she acts towards me and stuff. Just a lot of things over the years to do with jewellery, money etc
I wasn't a nice teenager, I am the black sheep so to say..
My mum can be quite selfish and she will never apologise or give a compliment. Whether it's my parenting or things I feel I've been successful at. If she says Thankyou it's within a sentence not direct. She visits every other family member apart from us. She plays this grandma who is here all the time. She's sees the kids once a week if that. My mum said that every other Wednesday she will come up to see us - we live just up a hill from them. I asked if it was a cover up as my grandma has been asking some demanding things of her, just so I knew to back my mums story up and she said no I will actually see you. Gobsmacked is an understatement, I really didn't know what to say. Do I feel she should visit more? Yes, don't play the perfect grandma. We don't have any other family close (as in emotionally close) that's a good one to throw back in my face when she's angry "well you and the children haven't got anyone else but us". She can be hurtful in anger - as can we all but can never acknowledge it or apologise for things she's said. It is quite a rough relationship with my mum. Throughout my first pregnancy she was vile to me, upset me all the time to tears and finally after 4 months I crossed her name off the birthing plan, she didn't care. I asked her why she acted like that and she said she had a bad year that's why she was horrible to me. Second pregnancy she was a bit better but moaned that I was different during pregnancy - apparently your not allowed to have any mood swings or anything in pregnancy. It's a bit of a she loves me but doesn't like me relationship
Anyway in the conversation I said how what my auntie said wasn't very nice. My mum said
"well had you done something to make her say it?"
I said "probably who knows?"
And she said "don't make me choose"
To me I would never say that to my daughter! Perhaps I'm missing something but if my daughter expressed something that had scarred her I would believe it. I will never tell anyone what she said so it's all a bit pointless thinking like this but to even consider choosing??
I would choose my daughter hands down to my sister. I know that sounds awful, I love my sister but my daughter would come first
I'm giving this space in my brain that I really shouldn't but I just wanted to see other people's views on it?