To call it a vulva?

[elephantsinlove]

Baby DD is not yet at the stage where she calls it anything, but the time is approaching and she will soon start learning words etc, I have been wondering what to teach her to call it - I know that vulva is the correct term.

Then again, a lot of people use bits/front bottom/fanny/foof/lala/ various other cutesy or vaguely teletubby sounding names

What is it called in your house?

Is she going to be the weird kid if I teach her it's her vulva? I tend to (technically incorrectly I know) use vagina myself, or various comedy words in general chat as vulva seems a bit odd but perhaps something I just need to get over!

"DD had to go to the doctor for a uti and she was able to say her vagina hurt"

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Surely part of being a parent is teaching children things to help keep them safe?

Theres a line though and I don't think it's necessary to scare children or have them life in fear of things which in reality are a very tiny risk in the UK.

I look at the number of people who have been paralysed with fear over coronavirus and I do worry that we are forgetting how to assess, manage and cope with risk.

But you wouldn't say "I'm teaching you to call it a vulva in case of abuse" and scare them. You'd just teach them it like you teach them any other word.

If a child said to me someone touched me on my "Mary" and I didn't have a clue what they meant I'd ask them to point to the area either on the self or a doll - Surely that's common sense???

That's fine if it's a word like Mary but if a child said someone touched their "fairy" or "cookie" you wouldn't necessarily think to ask them to point to the area on a doll - you might literally think they mean a fairy doll, or a biscuit.

It's a shame there is no female equivalent of the word "willy", widely used and everyone knows what it means.

My parents actually did use the word willy to describe what my sisters and I had. I guess in our heads, we (and mum) had girl willies and dad had a boy willy, but if it was ever referred to it was just a willy.
It was only when I grew up I realised this was not common.

I think we should all use correct terms then no kid will be the weird one and we do our bit for feminism
There was an article I read about using correct terms as a good thing from a safeguarding point of view as well
I.e "he touched my sweeties" or " he tickled my funny button" may not ring alarm bells but "he touched my vulva" is clearer

We call it vagina or private parts as we watch the pantosaurus videos from the NSPCC and they refer to private parts so it stuck.

In actual real life my children (4 and 6) use penis and vuvla and have done so since they could talk/understand.

Do I consider myself superior? Maybe. But I didn't know the correct words for my own body part until I was 11/12 as I had been taught to say "front bottom".

I was determined that my children would know the correct names for their body parts and that they wouldnt feel embarrassed or shy when talking about it.

There was an article I read about using correct terms as a good thing from a safeguarding point of view as well
I.e "he touched my sweeties" or " he tickled my funny button" may not ring alarm bells but "he touched my vulva" is clearer

Exactly, I had a friend at school who called it her snowman. I've never heard anyone else use that ever and if she said it, no one would know what on earth she was on about.

Hasn't come up yet with my DS but we used penis, testicles while talking about them individually or bits for the lot. When he's interested he will learn that women/girls have a vulva.

DD calls it her vulva. I think it’s good for her to know. So many women don’t know how their body works (especially older generations). I think correct language is empowering for them.

I genuinely have never heard anyone use the term ‘vulva’ in real life.

I’m a teacher, I’ve had two kids, I have best friends, sisters, nieces and goddaughters and all sorts.

Nobody says it. I suspect all these four year old vulva-owners will drop it like a hot brick as soon as they’re old enough to discuss said parts with their friends.

he tickled my funny button would ring very loud alarm bells indeed for me.

A few people have asked but no vulva people have answered why bum or bottom is ok rather than gluteals/anus/rectum for each appropriate area?

Also why is it called vagina itching when it refers to the outside rather than the inside? 🤷🏽‍♀️

We go with vagina, labia, urethra but also funny names too. Just as we have about 500 nicknames for each other when mucking around. Dd has had a few medical issues so knows when to use the correct terms as used to talking to the doctor about it.

We use "pee-pee" here for some reason. Basically we were potty training DS when DD was little and "pee-pee" stuck for his bits so DD started calling her bits "pee-pee" as well and it just stuck. Works well actually as for DD it's where her pee comes out so why not.

@LunaNorth

Why? Teenage girls don’t talk about it that much. I have never, in fourteen years of teaching, had teenage girls have a conversation about their private parts, except in Sex Ed. And even then the boys dominate the narrative.

They can call their bodies what ever they like but knowing the scientific names will help them navigate a world in which most men seem to think that babies and urine both come out of the vagina.

I’m not leaving it down to same badly informed male staff member to teach my daughter about her body.

We used "privates" mostly, perhaps willy sometimes - no girls here. I see nothing wrong with penis or vulva though. The boys will end up calling it their cock or dick anyway.

@middleclassproblem that question has been answered, bum/bottom are used everywhere, whichever region you are in there will be no mistaking which body part you are referring to. The term willy for penis is also well used, although I do think boys should be taught the correct terms too, however the names used for a girls genitals vary so much and there is no universally recognized term for it.

@MiddleClassProblem

A few people have asked but no vulva people have answered why bum or bottom is ok rather than gluteals/anus/rectum for each appropriate area?

Also why is it called vagina itching when it refers to the outside rather than the inside? 🤷🏽‍♀️

We go with vagina, labia, urethra but also funny names too. Just as we have about 500 nicknames for each other when mucking around. Dd has had a few medical issues so knows when to use the correct terms as used to talking to the doctor about it.

Bum or bottom is okay because they are words in very common usage in the UK. In the US it’s a fanny which is different to the U.K. use if fanny. Gluteals is the muscle rather than the “part” and TBH I have referred to my flutes aching and if I had a sore anus then that is exactly what I would say but if I fell and slipped I might well land on my bottom or bum, I wouldn’t have landed on my rectum or gluteus as they are internal.

Privates is fine, I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t understand that term BUT (as PP have said) “uncle Dave grabbed my cookie” genuinely SHOULD mean my brother just took my DDs cookie from her as a joke.

If we want our children to always be able to communicate then there needs to be consistency. One of the children at my school told me she had hurt her “whatnot” - turns out she did mean her vulva as she had walked into a table corner. Our safeguarding lead gives out leaflets to new parents explaining just why correct terminology or at the very least “privates” is very important.

Grrr GLUTES aching not flutes. Now if I said my flutes were aching I don’t thing ANYONE would know what I was on about 🤭

But if that’s the case then vagina should be seen as ok because vagina is widely recognised and known. And glutes, yes are muscles, but that’s what those cheeks are filled with along with fat. I don’t see how that’s different.

If bottom is ok, vagina should be too. It’s universally known... Even if it’s not how I use it, I wouldn’t slag anyone else off for using it.

Also willy is definitely more common that penis for children.

OP I think you are doing the right thing, as long as your DD knows that vulva is not often used by other people.

Vagina is ok to use, it's technically incorrect but there is no mistaking it. Vulva might be easier to say for some children (2 syllables rather than 3) but that isn't the issue. The issue is with using words like cookie/minnie/fairy/sweeties etc. instead of a clearer word such as vagina or vulva.

The only issue with vagina is that alot of women were only ever taught vagina and nothing else when really we should all know the parts and their functions.

@MiddleClassProblem

But if that’s the case then vagina should be seen as ok because vagina is widely recognised and known. And glutes, yes are muscles, but that’s what those cheeks are filled with along with fat. I don’t see how that’s different.

If bottom is ok, vagina should be too. It’s universally known... Even if it’s not how I use it, I wouldn’t slag anyone else off for using it.

Also willy is definitely more common that penis for children.

Vagina is absolutely okay! No it’s not “correct” but much better than any cutesy names and euphemisms.

My three all called their various bits by the correct names from when they could speak (mix of boys and girls). Once they get to school they generally adopt the latest slang along with everyone else. None of mine are ostracised or scarred by this.