To call it a vulva?

[elephantsinlove]

Baby DD is not yet at the stage where she calls it anything, but the time is approaching and she will soon start learning words etc, I have been wondering what to teach her to call it - I know that vulva is the correct term.

Then again, a lot of people use bits/front bottom/fanny/foof/lala/ various other cutesy or vaguely teletubby sounding names

What is it called in your house?

Is she going to be the weird kid if I teach her it's her vulva? I tend to (technically incorrectly I know) use vagina myself, or various comedy words in general chat as vulva seems a bit odd but perhaps something I just need to get over!

And I'm confident that if he ever needs to refer to a part of his genitalia to a healthcare professional he'll be able to do so accurately. I'm an HCP myself and have assessed lots of young men who have been completely unable to tell me what/where the problem is, all the while writhing with embarrassment. I'm hoping to avoid that for DS.

The writhing in embarrassment isn't usually because they don't know what to call their genitalia. It's because they've got them out in front of a total stranger. Health professionals are more than used to hearing colloquialisms and manage to get to the bottom of the problem (no pun intended).

*along with other body parts

I call it a vulva as do my DC (who are all male). I don't care what you call it but it is a good idea to ensure your DC know the correct name even if you use a slang name day to day. My DC know a penis is a penis but generally say willy in conversation; if you want your daughters to use slang names for their genitals then fine but you should also teach them the real name that will be understood by all should they need to discuss it.

Well, fair enough @Fedup21, but if someone in my class talked about their bits, it would be sufficiently ambiguous that I wouldn't know which part they meant (tbh we'd have to double-check that they meant the bits under their pants at all, we have lots of kids with English as an additional language). With vulva there isn't any room for doubt.

For me though, it's more about negating the shame aspect around the whole thing. Why be coy about genitals- they're just a body part. I think it's worth examining why we feel so uncomfortable just calling it by its actual name.

As Laura Palumbo, a prevention specialist with the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, points out, “teaching children anatomically correct terms, age-appropriately, promotes positive body image, self confidence, and parent-child communication; discourages perpetrators; and, in the event of abuse, helps children and adults navigate the disclosure and forensic interview process."

www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=24095

The whole organ is the vagina. I'll teach my Dd to call it that. If she means the actual outie bits, we'll use vulva. No pussyfooting around. Pun not intended!

I think it is good to teach children the right words from the beginning. I don,t see the prob.. I think I would wince but thats my issue not yours.

I think it's important to use the correct terms. So many adult women use vagina when they mean vulva, they do not seem to grasp that their is a difference. Knowing about your body parts and the correct names for them should not be embarrassing. Men seem to have a good knowledge of their sexual organs, but with women many don't even know the correct names for each part.

*there

Lmao at some of the posters. While you have young children and choose to call it willy or bits or whatever term you please. The child obviously will get to know the correct terminology I’ve never met anybody who doesn’t know the correct name and the functionality FGS.
I personally wouldn’t use the term Penis to my 5 year old though.

I’ve taught Ks1 and EYFS for nearly 25 years and have never heard any child say Vulva. Bits for girls seems to be the most widely used word.

It's not about being embarrassed to use the names - that's not what makes people struggle to express or explain if they have a problem and where it is.

People get embarrassed because it is the most deeply personal location on their bodies and that stems from that fact that we are very much as a society taught to keep it hidden and private, not talk about it openly (irrespective of whether it's called a Minnie winkle or vulva in conversation). As a society we are so scared about the possible threat of sexual predators that people feel uncomfortable if children are naked on the beach or even in their own gardens! (See previous MN thread!) THATS what makes people embarrassed NOT the terminology

@Bananabread8

Lmao at some of the posters. While you have young children and choose to call it willy or bits or whatever term you please. The child obviously will get to know the correct terminology I’ve never met anybody who doesn’t know the correct name and the functionality FGS. I personally wouldn’t use the term Penis to my 5 year old though.

Why? Genuinely, what is wrong with a five year old knowing it's called a penis?

I’ve taught Ks1 and EYFS for nearly 25 years and have never heard any child say Vulva. Bits for girls seems to be the most widely used word.

I don't doubt it We seem to have a cultural hang-up about female genitals in general- look at the difficulty we have trying to get people to attend smear tests. But that doesn't mean that it's the best practice.

My 5 year old calls it vulva. My 3 year old says "bulba" because she can't say "v" yet. I think it's important to teach them the real terms.

My dd is four and has been taught vulva. "Wash your vulva with the flannel" etc. It always reminds me of Volvo though

People get embarrassed because it is the most deeply personal location on their bodies and that stems from that fact that we are very much as a society taught to keep it hidden and private, not talk about it openly (irrespective of whether it's called a Minnie winkle or vulva in conversation).

It all feeds into it though doesn't it? If my kid calls it a Minnie and yours calls it a flower, how do they discuss it even if they want to, when they won't have the foggiest what the other one is on about? But say you teach them that the proper word is vulva but we're going to call it a flower, what impression does that send? What reason can there be for that, other than it not being polite or nice to use the actual terms, that they are embarrassing somehow? And if even using the word is embarrassing or shameful, that doesn't bode well for our ability to comfortably discuss it.

The whole organ is the vagina

No, it really isn't. The vagina is the birth canal (internal). The external collection of female genitalia is the vulva.

Female children when referring to their genitalia mean the part(s) you can see full frontal. Very unlikely to include the vagina.

Nothing wrong with using a slang/ common term as long as it's clear. "Willy" for example is very clear and commonly used - and neither too vulgar nor too coy/cutesy. I wish there was a female equivalent. Fanny sounds vulgar. Front bottom/minnie/mary too twee.

We started off by saying "vulva" but sort of fell into saying "flaps" (which I know a lot if people will think is REALLY vulgar but to me seemed harmless and descriptive). Now my daughter is school age she has settled on "privates".

When DD2 pointed at herself and asked 'what is this called' I did indeed tell her it was her vulva. I am a biologist so I always taught them the correct words as well as more colloquial terms (vagina/baby hole, penis/willy, uterus/womb). My DC go to the kind of school where there are lots of parents who teach their DC vulva so it's not a problem. But most of the time 'between your legs' is sufficient for a conversation with a young child ('wipe between your legs after the loo' etc). Anything twee is awful.

My dc called their penis & vulva ‘tinkle’ & ‘tuppence’ , however they also knew the correct anatomical terms.
It’s no difference in my opinion that asking them If they need a wee or poo rather than to micturate or defecate...

Surely, as PPs have said, it is really important for girls and women to know what their body parts are called. How sad is it that we are ashamed to correctly name some parts. We can use cutesy family names as well, like we call feet tootsies, ears can be lug holes etc, but it is very important to have correct terminology as well.

My 4 year old calls it her 'gina' - as in vagina (I know it isn't correct but there is no mistaking what she means) I did try to explain the vulva/vagina but she seems most comfortable with the word vagina.

What's wrong with calling them genitals? It's an accurate description and works for everyone without denoting sex.

If you have a problem with your vulva, use the word vulva. A problem with your vagina, clitoris or penis, use the correct term for the correct "bit(s)".

However, if you're talking about the general area, then you are talking about your "genitals".

Works for me.

I use to say front bum when DD was little. Mainly for instructions to wipe from front to back.
I'd have felt strange saying wipe your vulva to your anus starting at the clitoris dear.

@FourPlasticRings

What under 5s (or any age group for that matter) do you know that openly discuss their body parts and then has reached a conversational stumbling block because one calls it a flower and the other a Minnie?????

It's the parents that make more of an issue about terminology than the children

I imagine the conversation might go like this

Kid 1 - this is my flower - points to her "vulva"

Kid 2 - I call it a Minnie - points to her "vulva"

Kid 1 - let's go on the swings

What great medical discussion do you really think they are going to be getting in to?? 🤷‍♀️

Many predators called the vulva a pet name. People that work with children use the correct terms not silly names which change from area to area and household to household. It is difficult when convicting paedophiles to know exactly which area was touched etc when pet names are used.

I would stick to correct terms. What a person uses in the bedroom with a partner is completely different.