To call it a vulva?

[elephantsinlove]

Baby DD is not yet at the stage where she calls it anything, but the time is approaching and she will soon start learning words etc, I have been wondering what to teach her to call it - I know that vulva is the correct term.

Then again, a lot of people use bits/front bottom/fanny/foof/lala/ various other cutesy or vaguely teletubby sounding names

What is it called in your house?

Is she going to be the weird kid if I teach her it's her vulva? I tend to (technically incorrectly I know) use vagina myself, or various comedy words in general chat as vulva seems a bit odd but perhaps something I just need to get over!

@IWantT0BreakFree that really resonated with me as I have myself pre-baby really struggled with embarrassment regarding period related/gynaecology issues and don't ever want my daughter to feel embarrassed and put off seeing someone like I did! If I had found out I had PCOS/cysts earlier I could have avoided months of pain and worry.
So maybe matter of fact correct terminology could help.

It's a cookie at my place

@ivfdreaming you'd think, but there have been cases where a child has said 'uncle x put his finger in my cupcake' for example with no other context and the adult they've been speaking to have totally dismissed it as an uncle jokingly winding up his niece because they have misunderstood when in fact there is something far more disturbing happening. As much as nobody wants to think about these things and we would all love to live in a world where everything was rosy this is the reality for far too many children.

@ivfdreaming

I think teaching anatomical names to a child purely on the basis that they may come into contact with a sexual predator is pretty sad.

And yet according to every piece of research commissioned across the UK, it's considered to be one of the very best ways to ensure DC are able to disclose abuse, which happens far more frequently than some people would like to believe.

If you have the opportunity to arm your children with words which can safeguard them, you do it. Not because you want to steal their innocence or make them grow up too quickly, but as a way of offering another piece of armour.

@MrsWooster

Dd 7 knows the right language-vulva, vagina, clitoris-and everyday usage name is generic fanny (in bath-give fan a wash) or pants parts (following pantasaurus, so anything in pants parts is yours and and no one else’s business). DS is penis, testicles, scrotum, everyday willy and balls (or pants parts as above)

Your seven year old knows about a clitorious?!

Margaret Thatcher that made me laugh!

My DD will call her breasts, her vulva and her bottom her ‘private areas’ because she knows no one should be touching her there.
She’s 5.
She knows there are different words for these areas too, like bottom, bum, breasts, boobies, vulva, vagina etc but we like to stick to the private message here.

@CarrotCakeCrumbs

I think that says more about the naïveté and dismissiveness of the parents - sexual predators are very devious and even if a child said they had been touched privately on their private parts which is terminology we'd all understand as a parent unless they were a complete imbecile (rather than a cutesy nickname) then there are lots of tragic stories where the perpetrator has claimed there was a misunderstanding and the situation dismissed

My DH referred to front Botty and back Botty

Oh my god. If my husband ever uttered those words, I really don't think I could bring myself to have sex with him, ever again.

DD is 8 and weve use vulva. When they did health/hygeine in year 1 they referred to it as vulva also

Yes but it is far less likely to misunderstood that the child was referring to and would be more likely to spark an investigation. We can't help that their are dismissive and naive adults around but we can help to give children all the tools that might be useful

We used girly bits when dd was little and moved on to vulva as she got a bit older.

Whilst I think the posters saying children need to know the correct terminology as this can get mixed up I can completely understand. I think it’s age dependant and this is that part that has been taken out of context..... I’m sure teachers have got used to tons of different phrases. Word such as vagina and penis or what ever wouldn’t sit right with my 5 year old saying such things. However if he wanted to name it that I wouldn’t stop him but since he’s not familiar with that term so I won’t be enforcing it at such a young age. I don’t see the rush to teach children the formal name.

We use vulva, or tush when washing (I know tush is usually used in reference to your bum but we use for the whole area covered by pants unless talking about specific things then we use the specific name).

The more people use it, the more normal it becomes.

My DD (just turned 2) calls it a vulva.

Weirdest stealth boast ever 😂

And if they do surely teaching children about what is and is not ok when it's comes to touching/grooming etc is more important than what they call their privates?! Obviously I've never been in contact with a predator myself but pretty sure they don't wrangle their way into a child's life by discussing what that child does or does not call their privates?

It doesn't have to be either/or. You can teach proper names for body parts and also teach appropriate boundaries. Both are important. Obviously that is not how predators operate, but what they absolutely can and DO take advantage of is a child's sense of embarrassment surrounding their body/speaking about their body to other adults. So no, a predator isn't necessarily going to groom their victim by finding out what they call their genitals. But if they know that a child is going to feel embarrassed to ask for help because they've been taught that their genitals are so embarrassing that we can't even name them properly, yes a predator can take advantage of that.

Your seven year old knows about a clitorious?!

It's this kind of outrage that contributes to the taboo around female bodies that leads to girls and women feeling ashamed and unable to seek medical help for gynaecological issues or support when they are abused. Why should a 7 year old who has a clitoris not know what it is? It's part of her body for goodness' sake! It's her absolute right to have knowledge about her own body.

Your seven year old knows about a clitorious?!
^^
It's this kind of outrage that contributes to the taboo around female bodies that leads to girls and women feeling ashamed and unable to seek medical help for gynaecological issues or support when they are abused. Why should a 7 year old whohasa clitoris not know what it is? It's part of her body for goodness' sake! It's her absolute right to have knowledge about her own body

This! Why are we so shocked that a 7 year old should know parts of her own body.

@CarrotCakeCrumbs

Your seven year old knows about a clitorious?! ^^ It's this kind of outrage that contributes to the taboo around female bodies that leads to girls and women feeling ashamed and unable to seek medical help for gynaecological issues or support when they are abused. Why should a 7 year old whohasa clitoris not know what it is? It's part of her body for goodness' sake! It's her absolute right to have knowledge about her own body

This! Why are we so shocked that a 7 year old should know parts of her own body.

Age appropriation for a start. Do you want to tell your children how babies are made and how labour works too. We are obviously in MN land here.

What ever happened to the tooth fairy and Santa and so on because you will be making your child too grown up before their time. I can understand you wanting to educate your child. Using the term... at 7 though come on!!

My home country introduced a programme into nursery/reception where children were taught the correct names for their bits. I think the main drive for it was to help keep children safe from sexual predators. They were taught what was private and if they were asked to choose three people they felt safe telling if anyone did anything to make them fill uncomfortable. By knowing the correct words there wasn’t any confusion about what they were talking about.

I am 49 and would love to learn what a clitorious is..

@Feralkidsatthecampsite best post

We say noonie (DD is 7) but she does know vulva is the real name for it.

But she'll say "my noonie is itchy" and I don't think that would get misconstrued by many as to where else she could mean.

I've also started to say "privates" more as now she's a bit older and more independent I'm trying to gently encourage a little more modesty.

We say vagina. I know it isn't anatomically correct but widely used and no chance of misinterpretation. Cutesy names is a safeguarding issue so I'd stick with vagina or vulva

Nc just for this... Don't be too strict about dc keeping to 'proper' names.. If the horrific day came that your dc needed to convey details of abuse the correct terminology is of no importance..
Ime..

My dc was able to give enough detail for a successful court case..

MN - Vulva
RL - anything except Vulva

DS says penis, (and I’ve variously used scrotum, foreskin, testicles - poor kid has had balanitis a few times) and he knows that mummy’s have vulvas. Those are the words we’ve always used. He’s 4 now and it’s not weird.

If you want something to REALLY worry about, today when we were talking about dinosaur fossils, DS suddenly realised human skeletons are the same sort of thing, and made the intellectual leap to “shit. Mortality”.

THAT was a horrific conversation to navigate honestly, with some degree of linguistic accuracy and without upsetting him unreasonably. So.... yeah.

Parenting is tiring; try not to get too hung up on the language and just make sure the message is right.