To call it a vulva?

[elephantsinlove]

Baby DD is not yet at the stage where she calls it anything, but the time is approaching and she will soon start learning words etc, I have been wondering what to teach her to call it - I know that vulva is the correct term.

Then again, a lot of people use bits/front bottom/fanny/foof/lala/ various other cutesy or vaguely teletubby sounding names

What is it called in your house?

Is she going to be the weird kid if I teach her it's her vulva? I tend to (technically incorrectly I know) use vagina myself, or various comedy words in general chat as vulva seems a bit odd but perhaps something I just need to get over!

Honestly In the throws of passion do you call it your vulva! I'd imagine not!

I don't imagine you teach your child body parts based on what they'd call it in the throes of passion.

And yes she would be the "weird" kid if she calls It her vulva and you'd be "that" mother.

Why? Would she be "that" mother if her son called his penis a penis?

My nearly 3 year old now knows the word criteria, because she found it in the bath last night and announced she had a willy. So I told her the right word. I didn't then describe clitoral stimulation and its pleasures or role in sex! Perfectly possible to give a child the right language without straying into adult territory or destroying their innocence, imo.

*clitoris, not criteria. She doesn't know the word criteria yet, must work on the dictionary progress . . .

@FourPlasticRings

Honestly, it felt weird to call it that at first but I'm so used to it now it feels quite natural.

Yep, this.

Although we tend to talk about "girly bits" when either gran is within earshot.

Tlollj there's significant evidence that children who use anatomically correct language are less likely to be abused as they are more likely to have a better understanding of their bodies and a relationship with their parents where they can talk about their genitals without it being shot down/ told to shush etc.

If DD said her bits hurt or itched, I’d know where she meant and would ask if it was on the inside or outside.

The issue with this though is safeguarding...if a child discloses that uncle Johnny touched her bits, obviously it gets reported. But there's a world of difference between touching her bum as she climbs down a ladder, say, and touching her vulva.

And we can't ask for clarification.

My kids were aware of the correct terms but I cannot think of an occasion that required them, I can't personally remember using them either

“My DH referred to front Botty and back Botty.”
I’ve always found this utterly vile.

Even when you go for an examination the medical staff that I have seen have never really said vulva Or the nurses when having a smear. So I’m not sure it will give you all this confidence what ever you choose to refer to your private parts.

But I have used and had used to me - labia, vagina cervix and perineum. Vulva isn't generally used as it's the overall name for the area encompassing the vaginal entrance, labia and perineum.

A bit like if I injure my thigh, I wouldn't say I'd hurt my leg to the doctor, I'd say I cut my thigh.

If DD said her bits hurt or itched, I’d know where she meant and would ask if it was on the inside or outside.

But a teacher or adult wouldn't be able to ask clarifying questions.

A child once told her teacher her uncle licked her cookie. The teacher thought nothing of it, told the child "that wasn't nice, maybe he was messing about" and thought nothing of it until months later, same child came to her, hands in her tights saying her cookie hurt.

I have never in real life heard anyone say the word Vulva.

My dd is 9, going through puberty and knows all of the correct anatomical terms and we’ve always used flower or fan.
I did tell her that lots of people on Mumsnet use the word Vulva with their daughters and she said it sounds like the name of a car like a vauxhall vulva

As long as my daughter knows everything she needs to know and the pants rule etc then I dont mind using the word flower even though many people hate it. It works for us.

“Fan”??

Ds is 2 and we use the word Willy (he also uses it, a lot, and tells people he has one, he is very proud of it) for him - pretty universal term. I cringe every time I say girls have "girl bits" and am going to make a conscious effort to use the word vulva (which in itself is a reteaching as although I am perfectly aware of anatomy, I grew up hearing "vagina" as the correct term and most people I know would use it to mean vulva).

As pp have pointed out, it's really important kids know the correct terms because, goodness forbid, should anything happen it's important that adults immediately recognise what the child is talking about.

Fan. Short for fanny.

Bits? Like make sure you wash under your arms and your bits. DD12 knows the correct terms but she doesn’t need me to call them that. Make sure you wash your vulva??? Erm, no thanks. Bits will do us fine thanks 😊

Good lord what a horrifying thread! A 7 year old knowing what a clitoris is? Daughters been told it's a vulva not a vagina so they won't just be penetrated? That's some effed up logic. Who actually overthinks their kids sex lives like that?
I wouldn't use the word vulva to describe my fanny if my life depended on it. Imagine if we described all our body parts in the correct way? Does my gluteus maximus look big in this? Jesus Christ.

YABU to use the word "vagina" when referring to your vulva.

If you use penis for men/boys then it's vulva for women/girls.

It's a shame there is no female equivalent of the word "willy", widely used and everyone knows what it means.

With my 3yo I use the word "fanny" because that's what I learned growing up but I know it's not used by everyone... at some point when we teach the proper words we will teach penis and vulva.

Not going to explain what a vagina is until/unless they ask or until necessary.

Not sure what annoys me the most, cutesy words for vulva or the incorrect use of vagina!

@leolion1 it is a most bizarre thread! I don’t think I’ve ever seen the word Vulva written so many times 😂
Generations of girls have grown up not calling their private parts, vulvas, and been perfectly fine with it.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=fMQhscgM-Es

@SleepOhHowIMissYou ahh poor old Ross. Could be worse, he could say Minnie or Cookie or foofoo

We've called it all sorts over the years

Girly parts, furry herbert and Ashley Banjo (fanjo) being the most memorable

My DD is 26 months and she has understood vulva for ages and started saying it herself around 2 months ago. She hardly ever says it just rarely during a bath/shower or nappy change. That's the word we use. It's the anatomical word and we didn't see the need to invent a cringey nickname for it that some other people wouldn't understand. Given her care is shared between us, nursery, and my DM we have felt it is important to encourage her communication to be as straightforward as possible so her other care givers will understand her.

DD calls the entire area her 'foof' but is also aware of the correct names for her mons, vulva and vagina and can tell me what's wrong using that terminology (eg said recently her vulva was itchy, rather than her foof)

I have 2 boys , and we say Willy. We have spoken about penis, testicles and scrotum as ds1 (5) testicles haven't dropped.

They do ask me where my willy is, and where I wee from. I never use the word vulva so am a bit stuck as to what to tell them, that isn't "minnie".

DD (5) knows all the correct names for both girls & boys. Though she tends to use vagina. It's normal now, though was amusing the time she shouted across the room to her Nana that her Vagina hurt - FIL face was priceless!
We'll teach DS the same.
Oh & for all those saying they've never heard the word Vulva used IRL - my grandma died of cancer of the Vulva, it's the cause of death on her death certificate (I went with my mum to the registrar). Not pleasant but other gynaecological cancers exist other than Cervical unfortunately.