To call it a vulva?

[elephantsinlove]

Baby DD is not yet at the stage where she calls it anything, but the time is approaching and she will soon start learning words etc, I have been wondering what to teach her to call it - I know that vulva is the correct term.

Then again, a lot of people use bits/front bottom/fanny/foof/lala/ various other cutesy or vaguely teletubby sounding names

What is it called in your house?

Is she going to be the weird kid if I teach her it's her vulva? I tend to (technically incorrectly I know) use vagina myself, or various comedy words in general chat as vulva seems a bit odd but perhaps something I just need to get over!

I say vulva and penis to my boys

DS refers loudly to his willy, every time his nappy is off, when DH got out of the shower the other day DS was pointing and saying daddy willy, he came in with DH while I was in the bath last week and pointed and said willy gone and then oh no quite a lot like I had lost mine, that's the bit we need to work on! He's not two until December, so not doing too badly thus far. I don't think I'll start with vulva but as with willy as soon as he's a little older he'll know the correct term is penis, regardless of what he refers to day to day.

The problem is that knee and shoulder are well known terms that everyone uses and knows, they are taught from a very, very young age when we sing heads, shoulders knees and toes, and even with young boys I think the majority of people know that willy = penis. There is no universally accepted term for a girls genitalia though and that becomes a problem when they need to name it.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Vulva & vagina are the Latin medical terms. Which is why they sound unnatural to many of us when spouted from the mouths of very young children. Do you teach them patella, or knee? Scapula or shoulder?

What non Latin but medically recognisable term would you use then?

The patella is the bone of the knee, not the knee. The scapula is one of the bones in the shoulder, not the shoulder. Saying “I hurt my shoulder” is not going to cause any confusion but “I hurt my whatnot” (a word one of the children at school used) could mean almost anything.

My kids know the anatomical names but tend to call it a foof and willy/balls on a day to day basis.

Even though I know it’s call a vulva, I still my vulva a vag.

The whole organ is the vagina

Dear god..

Being able to use the correct terminology is important. Whoever thinks it's "inappropriate" or it makes you "that mum", well that's their problem entirely.

Every year, women die because they are too embarrassed to see their doctor with gynaecological issues. Young women and girls feel too embarrassed to talk to adults about health or sexual issues. If we want our kids to be able to openly access help, support and medical assistance then we need to break these taboos. One of the most basic, important elements of this is making sure are children are comfortable using the correct words for their body parts. If we avoid saying "vagina" or "vulva", we are telling our daughters that these words are shameful or embarrassing. We don't have pet names for arms or legs, do we? We just call them what they are.

I also think it's a bit like denying them knowledge of their own bodies. Why shouldn't they know what their own body parts are called? I want my daughters to be empowered with knowledge always.

Maybe there's no harm in having a cutesy name for genitals (even if it's pointless), but I really do think it's important that kids also know the real names for their body parts and are comfortable using them.

I think teaching anatomical names to a child purely on the basis that they may come into contact with a sexual predator is pretty sad.

It feels weird because we've been taught different but I do strongly believe in using the correct words. It's better for her to learn to be comfortable using those words, because there are times when she's may be in a difficult situation and that doesn't need making worse by feeling uncomfortable about what words to use. And it's easier for safeguarding and medical needs to be using the correct words

What's wrong with birth canal for vagina? That's been used for donkeys years and provides a good description of what it does.

The terms people use aren't about these parts of the body being shameful, they are a reflection of our desire for privacy relating to these parts. And that is actually a good thing to encourage in children.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Ain’t nothing getting birthed outta my canal

I think teaching anatomical names to a child purely on the basis that they may come into contact with a sexual predator is pretty sad

Surely part of being a parent is teaching children things to help keep them safe? We teach kids other safety things like what to do if they get lost, how to make a 999 call or what to do if there is a fire. We hope they'll never need to use that knowledge, but we still teach it to them just in case.

Bits for vulva/vagina, bum for bottom. She knows poo comes out of her bum and wee out of her bits.

She's 2 and a half

Surely part of being a parent is teaching children things to help keep them safe?

Theres a line though and I don't think it's necessary to scare children or have them life in fear of things which in reality are a very tiny risk in the UK.

I look at the number of people who have been paralysed with fear over coronavirus and I do worry that we are forgetting how to assess, manage and cope with risk.

I'd be really shocked tbh, if an adult didn't understand 'he touched my foo-foo/privates/flower down there/under my knickers' as sexual abuse just because 'he touched my vulva/vagina' wasn't the specific terminology used by a young child.

What do you all call your elbow?
We call it a Mickey in our house. I don't want my kids to be the weird ones at school who call it by the anatomically correct name.

But NOBODY here has suggested that we teach children about sexual predators - only that we teach them the correct names so that they are able easily alert any adult - i.e not family members who know the pet name - that something is going wrong. The majority of child sex abuse perpetrators are someone already known to the child which is why every child should know the correct names for their parts. We can encourage children that their genitals are private and teach them the correct terminology they are not mutually exclusive. Equally we should not be teaching them to be so private about their bodies that they are too embarrassed to seek help when they notice a change. It is important to teach children things like consent, and not keeping secrets and be open enough that they are not afraid to come to us with anything. For instance my daughter knows that nobody has the right to touch her without her saying it is ok, and she doesn't have the right to touch anyone else without them saying it's ok, she knows that no means no so if a grandparent asks for a kiss she can say no and that is ok, she knows that we all have areas on our bodies that should be kept covered and we are only to touch them when we are alone in our own rooms or in the bathroom, she knows that we don't keep secrets and that anyone who tells her not to tell mummy something is probably doing something wrong and so she mustn't keep secrets or be worried that she will get into trouble for telling me. She does not know about paedophiles and horrible people. She does not know anything that might scare her.

Theres a line though and I don't think it's necessary to scare children or have them life in fear of things which in reality are a very tiny risk in the UK.

Whilst we don't know the exact percentage of people who are sexually abused as children due to the nature of the crime, some studies estimate that as many as 25% of women were abused as children. The NSPCC website cites a study that claims 1 in 20 children are subjected to sexual abuse. It's not a tiny number of children and it happens to children from a variety of backgrounds. It's important to safeguard your children. Part of being a parent is safeguarding and instilling age-appropriate knowledge and caution without making them anxious or afraid. No, it's not an easy line to tread but that doesn't mean you just don't bother.

It's strange to me that some parents are so insistent on using the correct medical terms for these but still use the word bum.

If a child is describing sexual abuse and an adult can't work out which body part they are referring to because they are using colloquial terms then that's a problem with the adult not the slang.

*Surely part of being a parent is teaching children things to help keep them safe?

Theres a line though and I don't think it's necessary to scare children or have them life in fear of things which in reality are a very tiny risk in the UK.*

This

The odds are a child is more likely going to be in a situation where they need to dial 999 etc than come into contact with a sexual predator!
And if they do surely teaching children about what is and is not ok when it's comes to touching/grooming etc is more important than what they call their privates?! Obviously I've never been in contact with a predator myself but pretty sure they don't wrangle their way into a child's life by discussing what that child does or does not call their privates? And also pretty sure the statistics show that most sexual predators are family members/known to the child?
Furthermore I'm pretty sure professionals use demonstration dolls in dealing with suspect abused children (I have a very young family member that sadly had to go through this) and they are asked to point to the areas they've been touched - again I don't see why what they are called calls into question whether a crime did or did not occur if a child points to their "vulva" and says someone touched it!? (And yes a conviction was obtained in that case)

@CarrotCakeCrumbs

If a child said to me someone touched me on my "Mary" and I didn't have a clue what they meant I'd ask them to point to the area either on the self or a doll - Surely that's common sense???

Theres a line though and I don't think it's necessary to scare children or have them life in fear of things which in reality are a very tiny risk in the UK

The NSPCC refers to research which suggests 1 in 20 UK children have experienced sexual abuse (learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/statistics-briefings/child-sexual-abuse).

Using universally recognised language to identify body parts doesn't need to scare children or make them fearful. Why would it?

If everyone used the same colloquial term for female genitals, it might not be necessary, but they don't. Almost everyone in the UK would understand that a little boy refering to his willy means his penis; I've seen names on here that I wouldn't connect to a vulva (Tuppence or Mary, for example).