AIBU to complain that Doctor was virtually falling asleep in the consultation?

[BornOnThe4thJuly]

I took my DC for a Consultant appointment and the Doctor’s eyes were shutting for a split second constantly for the first hour or so but eventually he came round a bit towards the end.
Was I being unreasonable to say I want to see someone else? I can’t see how he can have taken in what we were saying, so god knows what the notes will say that he was typing.
It was very warm in the room, and it was late in the day, probably after a long week for him. I feel he should’ve excused himself though and gone and washed his face, got 2 mins fresh air, got a coffee, done something basically to sort himself out. Then returned to finish the assessment in a properly awake state!
I’m very annoyed at myself for not saying anything at the time. I was very taken aback and couldn’t think of what on earth to say to him, apart from WTF are you playing at!

Here you go, 1willgetthere

www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/symptoms/

I came to say what @Sheenais said.

Shutting for a split second is blinking...

I’m like this in work meetings (uni lectures were impossible) and it’s not a tic, it’s definitely fighting sleep. Everyone knows what that looks like.
OP just ask for a redo. But he probably thought he was hiding it well, so don’t go in all guns blazing.

Someone once said to me "I know they are a doctor, but they are just human. What does your instinct as a mother tell you?"

That was one of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given. You should always question doctors. I had to do this last week. A doctor wanted to refer my DS to one specialist when in fact he needed another type. I went back and they agreed they had got it wrong. Great!

*Not everyone with ADHD is hyperactive.

What do you think the H stands for*

@1willgetthere there are a number of possible ADHD diagnoses; combined type, impulsive/hyperactive type, inattentive and distractible type (this was formally referred to as ADD). Add to this a number of comorbidities. It is not just hyperactive little boys!

Could it have been some sort of petit mal? What's his reputation? I'd wait for the report and see if you think it's spot on. If it's good and leads to the right help for your ds I'd just carry on.

Was it the first time you met him and had you done any due diligence re his reputation?

There is no situation in which it is ok to pay a couple of grand or more (I am in the middle of a similar assessment situation myself) and for the Dr to be half asleep, but you should have raised it at the time. The assessment centre we are using re-opened a month or so ago so no doubt other ones have too. They re-opened at the same time as other bits of private medicine, in June.

@BornOnThe4thJuly There are many issues here.

1 You can't assume the dr was negligent just because of his facial expressions. You need to wait for the report to come back and decide if it's a true account of your consultation.

2 I appreciate it's hard at the time BUT if you felt he was inattentive himself, you ought to have raised it there and then.

3 Re COVID I am surprised that anyone is doing a 2hr , non-urgent consultation especially where there are 3 people in the room (child and parent) . That in itself seems unprofessional because the norm now is for all consultations to be by phone or video where possible (both private hospitals and NHS are working this way .)

I would expect you and the dr to wear masks as it appears it was an non- ventilated room.

4 Slightly different angle- if this was a private practice offering these assessment, you need to do due diligence before booking in. I have a professional background in this area and know the quality of centres offering these assessments varies a lot. if you want to complain you need to address it with the management of the practice or with the dr himself. But unless you have proof that the assessment was invalid because of his 'eye movements' you won;t get far.

[quote BornOnThe4thJuly]@DressingGownofDoom

I’m still wondering how he’s a “poor bloke”? Maybe we were boring him. He should possibly look for another job. (I love the username by the way)[/quote]
And its usually the person with ADHD getting bored.

Do his colleagues and other patients a favour and put in a complaint. If he had a heavy night drinking the night before and it's a one off? He might get a mild reprimand. If it's happening all the time they can put your experience and other people's together to form a picture and his manager can address it through official policies. Which they can't do without your evidence.

He MIGHT have narcolepsy. I really feel for sufferers of this. I once worked with a woman who nodded off every few minutes. I suspect she refused to get a diagnosis because she feared she would never get another job . But she could not work effectively.

Surely it depends on how the report turns out? If it’s an accurate summary of the consultation and it meets your expectations, it doesn’t matter if he was hanging upside down from the ceiling.

How long is a split second?

Did you say something?

I wouldn't have sat there for an hour feeling pissed off that the consultant was seemingly falling asleep and said absolutely nothing.

You were paying a lot of money for the consultation, the least you can expect is the doctor’s full attention. I can’t believe anyone is saying a YABU. Definitely complain.

Ignore the random a!

How did you find the consultant OP?
Wait a see of his report is an accurate account, if not them challenge it.
Some consultants, private or otherwise have a dreadful manner including things like you have described, where are you in the UK? Lovely dr that deals eith ADHD andcthe like in london I can suggest if you need in future.
Hopefully he just has a distracted looking manner but this doesnt affect his work. It foesnt for many doctors I've found.

Was he yawning as well or just blinking/shutting his eyes?

My academic DH often shuts his eyes in the way you described when he’s concentrating and explaining something complex to someone. He doesn’t do it during normal conversation but when it’s something that requires careful wording, he does it frequently. It’s definitely nothing to do with being tired in his case.

I think if he wasn’t yawning or looking particularly tired, then it’s probably just the way he is.

I voted YABU as I think, given you said nothing at the time, you need to wait to see the report & see if it is thorough or if he missed something.

Am also a bit perplexed you expected the Dr to do something about your child jumping on the sofa and hitting your feet, rather than yourself.

At least he managed to stay awake.
When I was a midwife on labour ward a doctor fell asleep while suturing a woman's perineum. The poor woman rang the bell and I went in to find the doctor fast asleep mid suture .

I think I would probably wait for the report first before going through another assessment. If the report seems detailed and inaccurate then you may not need a second assessment.

YANBU for expecting a Dr to be attentive during a consultation. When the report arrives you'll know how attentive he really was

Ah the Mumsnet double standard in all its glory!!
Teacher hate is popular on here at the moment, imagine the reaction if op had posted that her sons teacher was nodding off during a meeting or similar?

Not good at all op, if he clearly wasn't giving you his full attention! I agree he should have politely excused himself, opened a window, got a coffee etc

@Fefifobum

Just a thought but lots of doctors take on private work on top of their “normal work” they could have come off an excessive working week, been at the forefront of the pandemic that we are in, looking after shielding relatives as well as working and running their own home life/family, could have had a bad night with a teething baby etc... Everyone is only human and we have all had that nodding off moment. Doesn’t excuse them but they should have been professional and excused themselves and you could also have said something instead of sitting through another hour or so of the appointment! You could have ask if they were ok?

I agree, as I said I wish I’d said something at the time, and I’m annoyed at myself. I have a condition that makes concentration difficult at times and I was stressed and tired after a long journey to get there. So couldn’t think of what to say to him to be honest.

@eaglejulesk

Some people shut their eyes to concentrate - how do you know he wasn't doing that? Even if he was tired, shutting his eyes for a split second, no matter how many times, is hardly 'virtually falling asleep'.

He was definitely “nodding off” head very slightly moving forward as his eyes closed. He got various things wrong, thought my son was 3 years older than he is, thought I’d said yes to symptoms that I hadn’t etc. This only happened yesterday, so we haven’t had the report yet.

I can't vote because I wasn't there but have you ever watched Tim Henman when he's talking?

S l o w e s t blinker on the planet. Very disconcerting to watch. Maybe he's like that.

YANBU. Especially at a private appt.

@lovelemoncurd

Did you ask him if he was ok? To fall asleep in that situation I would say he sounds unwell.

Many medical conditions can cause that kind of extreme tiredness.

No, but I wish I had.