Offered to sponsor a ‘friend’ and......

[TableFlowerss]

In a nutshell - a girl I used to go to school with many years ago was doing a sponsored walk.

On her FB she asks if people would consider sponsoring her and the charity.

I thought it was a great effort so tried to donate £30 following link. For sons reason it wouldn’t work and wanted me to log in (I was already logged in)

DP tried at my request as it was public in friends FB page but he got an error message.

Anyway- I sent a message to said friend and explained and that I liked her effort and cause and would like to sponsor her £30. If she wants to send me bank details etc as I couldn’t do it with link provided.

That was about 10am and she’s not replied! I can see she’s been on line a few times since.

Now we are not close at all and she’s not a friend in the true term as I’ve not seen her since school. We have been FB friends for many years though.

I feel a bit annoyed and that she doesn’t trust me with her bank details or something. I mean I work in finance and there’s not much you can do with a sort code and an account number.

My DH is also a professional and spend many years at uni to get his qualifications. We both worth in fiends whereby you have to be trustworthy or you could do all sorts.

I also notice of the 21 people that have donated (I could see if in FB) our sponsor was the most.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not after major thanks, it’s only £30 and I liked the charity and that’s why I offered.

But I feel a bit annoyed that they have acknowledged it. It’s not like we’re close and done times you feel under pressure. I wanted to to help.

I feel like my friend is rude/ungrateful and doesn’t trust me!!!

@PinkConfetti

She probably does remember you from school hence ignoring you. Personally I'd block you if I were her. Bizarre behaviour. She doesn't need this.

Doesn’t need what?

Someone saying they’d like donate to their cause.... do they have details in which they could send the money......

Yeah so so strange. God, I wouldn’t want to be friend with someone like that!

Ermmm ok

@tigger1001

Op I do think you are being ott.

Not everyone replies to messages right away. I dont always get an alert for messenger so have missed a few that way. One from someone apologising for something then getting in a Tiz as I hadn't responded. I was unaware I had a message.

If I'm busy I don't answer straight away. Sometimes can be days before I remember. We seem to live in a world where we want everything right now.

Add in that asking for someone's bank details - someone you don't know well, it's odd. And while you might be happy to do thar most people wouldn't, especially over Facebook messenger which isn't known for being secure.

Yes I do agree with most of what you’re saying.

Not sure how else to pay someone though other than through a messsge

[quote Jamestown]@StrikesMatches you cannot pay by debit card with just the sort code and account number. A debit card has a 16 digit number on the card, just like a credit card. Paying by debit card you are also asked for the expiry date and the three digit security code, so what you have said is not correct.
Also, remember that long before internet banking cheques showed the sort code and account number so those have never been confidential.[/quote]
What have debit cards to do with what i said? . Direct debits are set up with an Iban, which can be easily established with account number and sort code. Yes, an iban can also be established using a cheque but since online banking has been introduced fewer and fewer people use cheques and it's an awful lot easier to set up a direct debit mandate online using someone else's details than it used to be.

Jesus... if you want to donate, do so via the link. Work out why you can’t, but others can? I wouldn’t want to send my bank details to someone when the charity can get the funds directly plus tax. It sounds odd.

Aside from the fact I’d feel odd sending bank details, I’ve not replied to friends messaging me this week instantly, because I’ve had a lot going on in my head and life. Let alone someone I barely know asking my bank details.

You’re very unreasonable. Sorry!

I would be wary if sending bank details over Facebook and would be trying to think of a diplomatic response because I wouldn't want to offend a kind acquaintance doing a good deed but also not fall for a scam. She is probably trying to figure out how to politely refuse and if she can't then ignoring/pretending not to see message is the next option.

Yeah, you're being so weird about this.

Also you've mentioned giving £30 a lot. And how your £30 is more than anyone else is giving her...

Honestly, if £30 is that big a deal to you then don't donate it. It's truly mad that so het up about this.

You're not annoyed because you desperately want to donate. You're mad because she hasn't shown enough good manners and gratitude (your words) because she hasn't immediately answered your message.

I wouldn't donate. Keep your money, honestly. Sound like she'd be paying for it in the headache it would bring. It's not worth it for her!

Why do you care? She's not your friend - you haven't been in touch for years.

If you care about the charity, donate to it directly. If it's her response you care about, keep your money and get over it.

You are being OTT.
I know you think they are, but your jobs are not relevant..! I would think it was nuts if someone from school who I'm not really in contact with messaged me wanting to pay me directly, even if they were CEO of the Bank of England..! Bizarre.
As an aside, there are other ways to pay people without getting bank details - monzo or paypal for instance.

On a side not, I do find it interesting that people would panic about giving out their sort code and bank account etc, yet for years and years the only thing you could pay with was a cheque (other than cash) and what did that have in it? Your SC and A/C number.

Still older people love this method and won’t entertain anything other than a cheque. They feel safe writing a cheque as they’ve done it for years and years.

Also when I paid for my takeaway last night I had to give the woman my 16 digit card number, security code and expiry date etc.. and my address including post code.

Now she could potentially do much more with that info. She could buy one off huge purchase within a few minutes. How much are direct debits really? £100 a month? Having the 16 digit number and address etc.... you could empty the account in minutes with big purchases.

Did I cancel my takeaway? Did I heck. You have to put a certain amount of trust in people and keep an eye on your account obviously.

@OhCaptain

Yeah, you're being so weird about this.

Also you've mentioned giving £30 a lot. And how your £30 is more than anyone else is giving her...

Honestly, if £30 is that big a deal to you then don't donate it. It's truly mad that so het up about this.

You're not annoyed because you desperately want to donate. You're mad because she hasn't shown enough good manners and gratitude (your words) because she hasn't immediately answered your message.

I wouldn't donate. Keep your money, honestly. Sound like she'd be paying for it in the headache it would bring. It's not worth it for her!

Yep, this

She may have assumed your account has been hacked by scammers. Asking for bank details out of the blue, even with a flimsy excuse, does look suspicious. That would explain completely not responding, since that's the correct way to deal with suspected scams.

I would happily give my bank details to many people.

But an acquaintance approaching me on Facebook because the link everyone else is using doesn't work would seem odd and the way fraud and technology move on I would be hesitant.

Blimey, are you always this intense?

In her shoes I would rather not have your money than be subject to such impatience. There could be any number of reasons she hasn’t replied to your message, like, for instance, having a life outside of clicking refresh on ones messenger app?

@Cloudwatching57

You are being OTT. I know you think they are, but your jobs are not relevant..! I would think it was nuts if someone from school who I'm not really in contact with messaged me wanting to pay me directly, even if they were CEO of the Bank of England..! Bizarre. As an aside, there are other ways to pay people without getting bank details - monzo or paypal for instance.

Well I haven’t got PayPal and I’ve never even heard of the other ‘thing’. That’s why.

And the jobs thing I do hung is somewhat relevant. Would I hire someone to work in a factory making new £20 notes that had been to prison for committing fraud? No, no I absolutely would not!!!

Would I employ them to work in a a position where there is no access to money, bank details etc? Absolutely

So jobs are relevant. There are certain jobs whereby trust is paramount. That’s why enhanced disclosure checks are carried out. If you ‘fail my test you’re unlikely to get a job in a bank!

fail the test I mean

@Sally872

I would happily give my bank details to many people.

But an acquaintance approaching me on Facebook because the link everyone else is using doesn't work would seem odd and the way fraud and technology move on I would be hesitant.

To be fair, for me, it’s not the link. It’s that it wants me to sign in again to FB and I don’t even know my passwords etc...

And perhaps the link wasn’t working properly for DH.

Also she’s free enough to be on FB so can’t be too constrained with time

Woah chill the heck out!!!!!!

You know sometimes people go on Facebook, Instagram or whatever and DON'T REPLY TO THEIR WHATS APP.

You need to SERIOUSLY get a grip. Your reaction is not normal behaviour.

@TableFlowerss But she wants to raise money for the charity, not for herself, so why would she want you to pay money into her bank account? For one thing, the charity would lose out on the gift aid because she can't claim gift aid on your behalf.

She's probably trying to figure out why the form didn't work for you, and either trying to find a polite way to explain that it does if it does, or trying to get it fixed if everyone else is unable to donate. I imagine she's trying to find a way for you to make the donation without her handling any cash.

I know because of what I do, I wouldn't want someone paying a charitable donation to me on trust, and I would be trying to find an alternative solution before reverting.

@sauvignonblancplz

“(She’s in a pretty senior position and has studied for many years, so I’d be shocked if she wasn’t savvy in this area)” How do you know that this if you aren’t actually friends in RL?

This is probably one of my most favourite mn posts in many, many years. I love the op's incredulity.

Op, I have anxiety and I often ruminate and fixate on things which are often seen as very trivial by other people. Your post kind of reminds me of me when I'm in that mode but it's normally about things or people which directly impact on me and my life.
I haven't rtft and sm looking forward to it but I echo other posters when I suggest you step right back from this sponsorship message.
If she responds and you still want to donate then go ahead.
Otherwise if leave iy.
If the charity is particularly important to you then just pay them direct. You can always screenshot the receipt and send it to her and at least she will know that your donation was spurred on by her activity.

[quote rainkeepsfallingdown]@TableFlowerss But she wants to raise money for the charity, not for herself, so why would she want you to pay money into her bank account? For one thing, the charity would lose out on the gift aid because she can't claim gift aid on your behalf.

She's probably trying to figure out why the form didn't work for you, and either trying to find a polite way to explain that it does if it does, or trying to get it fixed if everyone else is unable to donate. I imagine she's trying to find a way for you to make the donation without her handling any cash.

I know because of what I do, I wouldn't want someone paying a charitable donation to me on trust, and I would be trying to find an alternative solution before reverting.[/quote]
I appreciate that.

I suppose I was thinking if I give it to them via bank transfer (we live miles apart) then she could pay it to where it needs to go... or pay it on my behalf. Perhaps it’s not as simple as that

Why would you hire the ex con fraudster to work in your money manufacturering factory?
Even if they are not in a position directly related to the final product, they're still very much in a position to start ascertaining ways of accessing the twenties.
I feel like it's too much temptation and you're setting up your new employee to fail.
Do you know anyone else who could offer them a role where they're not under so much pressure?

@Inthebleakmidwinteriwouldsing

If I got that message I’d think ‘oh that’s nice’ and I’d reply. End of

At the risk of stating the obvious, she’s not you.

At the risk of stating the obvious, she’s not you. End of

@famousforwrongreason

Oh I absolutely agree with you and I thank you for you’re understanding. You’ve hit the nail on the head there.

You’re right- I do have anxiety in general. It’s terrible. And like you, I can often spot it when it not related to me if that makes sense. That’s when I can be rational about it.

When it’s related to you (or me 😬) you do feel crap and take things out of context. When people are saying you’re weird etc... it makes you feel worse of course. Sometimes people do it simply because they can and it’s anonymous site and some people just like to be horrible. Other it’s not that they’re being deliberately awful but just don’t understand.

Some get their point across but in a nice way and they say they’re piece but aren’t harsh or rude. Others are simply nasty.

So yes

This is the strangest thread. OP you are being very very weird

If I couldn’t get in a link I would wait and try later. It would never occur to me to start asking someone I knew well for bank details never mind a random acquaintance from school!

If you wanted to be helpful you could have just sent her a message to say “hey just to let you know your sponsorship link isn’t working. Could you let me know when it’s fixed as I would love to donate something to your good cause?” That would have been normal behaviour

PS - I am a senior professional in financial services just like you and I would never give my bank details over Facebook. Have you never done any Information Security mandatory training????

@famousforwrongreason

Why would you hire the ex con fraudster to work in your money manufacturering factory? Even if they are not in a position directly related to the final product, they're still very much in a position to start ascertaining ways of accessing the twenties. I feel like it's too much temptation and you're setting up your new employee to fail. Do you know anyone else who could offer them a role where they're not under so much pressure?

So you suffer from anxiety do you?

I’ve just replied a heartfelt response to one of your messages, because you said you also suffer from anxiety?!

Are you taking the pis& with this reply??

If you are then I assume you’re taking the piss in general about people that suffer anxiety!!