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AIBU?

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Original poster

Offered to sponsor a ‘friend’ and......

150 replies

TableFlowerss · 01/08/2020 20:57

In a nutshell - a girl I used to go to school with many years ago was doing a sponsored walk.

On her FB she asks if people would consider sponsoring her and the charity.

I thought it was a great effort so tried to donate £30 following link. For sons reason it wouldn’t work and wanted me to log in (I was already logged in)

DP tried at my request as it was public in friends FB page but he got an error message.

Anyway- I sent a message to said friend and explained and that I liked her effort and cause and would like to sponsor her £30. If she wants to send me bank details etc as I couldn’t do it with link provided.

That was about 10am and she’s not replied! I can see she’s been on line a few times since.

Now we are not close at all and she’s not a friend in the true term as I’ve not seen her since school. We have been FB friends for many years though.

I feel a bit annoyed and that she doesn’t trust me with her bank details or something. I mean I work in finance and there’s not much you can do with a sort code and an account number.

My DH is also a professional and spend many years at uni to get his qualifications. We both worth in fiends whereby you have to be trustworthy or you could do all sorts.

I also notice of the 21 people that have donated (I could see if in FB) our sponsor was the most.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not after major thanks, it’s only £30 and I liked the charity and that’s why I offered.

But I feel a bit annoyed that they have acknowledged it. It’s not like we’re close and done times you feel under pressure. I wanted to to help.

I feel like my friend is rude/ungrateful and doesn’t trust me!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
TableFlowerss · 01/08/2020 21:46

@sauvignonblancplz

This is the strangest most self rite kid thread EVER. Manners are important , do you realise how strange your message will be from her perspective? And most people are crazy busy on a Sat, so it’s probably slipped her mind. You really need to put this out of your head and relax.
???

How will my message to her be strange? Hey I’d like to sponsor your cause we done. Link big working? Have you got sort code account number I could send to? Not necessarily hers may I add (maybe there’s a specific one with her unique reference)

That’s it.

If I got that message I’d think ‘oh that’s nice’ and I’d reply. End of

OP posts:
Inthebleakmidwinteriwouldsing · 01/08/2020 21:47

That’s true and that’s what I’m thinking she must be thinking.

You can’t read her mind! People have all sorts of things going on. ‘TIme to go on Facebook’ can be a few minutes at the bus stop or a moment when your children leave you alone for once.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 01/08/2020 21:47

@sauvignonblancplz

This is the strangest most self rite kid thread EVER. Manners are important , do you realise how strange your message will be from her perspective? And most people are crazy busy on a Sat, so it’s probably slipped her mind. You really need to put this out of your head and relax.
Well then this must be the first post you’ve ever read on a public forum.

Wait until you get fired in properly, you’ll have a field day

OP posts:
AbbieFB · 01/08/2020 21:47

I don’t think it’s rude not to respond to somebody the same day, especially over something like this. Why do you think it’s so urgent?

Inthebleakmidwinteriwouldsing · 01/08/2020 21:47

If I got that message I’d think ‘oh that’s nice’ and I’d reply. End of

At the risk of stating the obvious, she’s not you.

TheOrigBrave · 01/08/2020 21:48

You won't be able to add Gift Aid unless you donate to the charity (either directly or through her page).

Maybe contact the donation website and ask for technical support.
Or try a different computer, or clear your cache.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 01/08/2020 21:48

@sauvignonblancplz

“(She’s in a pretty senior position and has studied for many years, so I’d be shocked if she wasn’t savvy in this area)” How do you know that this if you aren’t actually friends in RL?
FB profile
OP posts:
TheOrigBrave · 01/08/2020 21:50

Maybe she's waiting until she's sitting down in the evening (kids in bed) to respond to messages which need a reply. That's a whole different thing to just appearing online.

I think many of us read incoming whatapps and messenger posts but don't actually reply until later.

Maybe she doesn't know her sort code and account number off by heart.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 01/08/2020 21:50

@TheOrigBrave

You won't be able to add Gift Aid unless you donate to the charity (either directly or through her page).

Maybe contact the donation website and ask for technical support.
Or try a different computer, or clear your cache.

I’ll try again tomorrow on DH FB. Possibly is something on my settings etc

I’m just not great with mod cons lol

OP posts:
sauvignonblancplz · 01/08/2020 21:51

Nope I’ve read plenty, you’re wired to the moon.

You can’t decipher whether someone is savvy or not from social media, I think you need to put the phone down asap.

I’m starting to think she’s saw your message and swiftly deleted it .... wonder why....Hmm

Straycatblue · 01/08/2020 21:51

@WarriorsComeOutToPlayay

You messaged someone you don't know particularly well at 10am on a Saturday morning and you think it unacceptable that she hasn't responded the same day. You already sound crazy and adding the bit about you and your -unknown to her- husband having trustworthy jobs is just weird. This is a case of 'it's not her, it's definitely you'.
This ^

I do 12hr shifts which usually means Im out the house for around 14-15 hours and although i can have a quick look on my phone on my 30 mins breaks x 2 , I often wont reply to any messages sent (unless urgent) for a couple of days till Im off work and recovered. Your message to her is not high priority even though you seem to think it is and that she should be falling over herself to reply to you on the timescale that you think is appropriate.

Screamqueenz · 01/08/2020 21:52

She's not your friend, donate or don't, no-one will care.
I don't understand why you are so invested in this?

Boysnme · 01/08/2020 21:52

You are being OTT OP. Not everyone is sitting there ready to reply to every message they receive as it comes in so give her a chance.

I also wouldn’t want sponsor money sent directly to me, I’d then have to be the one to pay it in, the charity wouldn’t get any gift aid, and if my work were matching funds it could be difficulty for me to prove it was a sponsor. Aside from that if we weren’t really in touch any more I’d be wary about trusting you / you being who you say you are.

If you still want to gift the money then do so direct otherwise just let it go.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 01/08/2020 21:53

@sauvignonblancplz

Nope I’ve read plenty, you’re wired to the moon.

You can’t decipher whether someone is savvy or not from social media, I think you need to put the phone down asap.

I’m starting to think she’s saw your message and swiftly deleted it .... wonder why....Hmm

I think you need to go and explore more if you think this is wired.

Don’t dare post an issue you may have- not sites you’ll cope with the backlash

OP posts:
Original poster
TableFlowerss · 01/08/2020 21:55

@Boysnme

You are being OTT OP. Not everyone is sitting there ready to reply to every message they receive as it comes in so give her a chance.

I also wouldn’t want sponsor money sent directly to me, I’d then have to be the one to pay it in, the charity wouldn’t get any gift aid, and if my work were matching funds it could be difficulty for me to prove it was a sponsor. Aside from that if we weren’t really in touch any more I’d be wary about trusting you / you being who you say you are.

If you still want to gift the money then do so direct otherwise just let it go.

This is true to be fair
OP posts:
Todaywewilldobetter · 01/08/2020 21:55

It's not even been 12 hours! Hmm

sauvignonblancplz · 01/08/2020 21:56

You don’t have an issue , you have a paranoid, made up scenario in your head.
You’ve been obsessing about this all day, to the point you even know what other people have sponsored and that yours is the highest amount, that is so , so weird.
Many ppl have said you are being OTT and highly strung but you’re refusing to see that this is not an issue at all.
Maybe you need to take a step back and look at your obsessive behaviour.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 01/08/2020 21:59

OP - you are being massively weird about this. Not everyone responds to messages on the same day, and she would almost certainly prefer to resolve the technical issue rather than you send her money.

And how on earth is it relevant that you were going to sponsor her for a larger amount than other people?

Put your phone down and do something else, you are way too invested in this.

Mammaaof · 01/08/2020 22:01

Are you stalking her or something? Know when she's been online.. her pictures shows.. she's read your message.. she's ignoring you. Jesus if it was me I would have sent the message and forgot about it .. it's quite weird if I'm honest. Shock

Viviennemary · 01/08/2020 22:04

People are careful about who they give their bank details to. I wouldn't be happy giving mine to somebody I'd not seen for years.

AnnieCartwright · 01/08/2020 22:05

You sound like hard work OP.

RosieCockle · 01/08/2020 22:06

Yes, you're being unreasonable.

It's one thing to expect manners and politeness, but it's another to have blinkers on to what can be happening in the lives of other people. She might have gone out with friends and got drunk, had a family emergency, been working, looking after someone, kids, anything. Just lay off. You sound like a right control freak.
Don't bother donating if it's all about you getting thanks.

JizzPigeon22 · 01/08/2020 22:07

You should go to her house and stare in through her bedroom window OP.

2155User · 01/08/2020 22:09

You sound weird.

I sometimes read messages but then reply at bedtime before I go to sleep all in one go.

ShyOwl · 01/08/2020 22:11

I would never give my bank details to anyone via FB messenger, even direct family because you don't know how genuine the message is.
Even more so if it was someone I didn't know that well.
I also agree that she won't want the money going in to her personal account

I often read a message while doing something and then sit down a respond when I have time later, that might be the next day
Yabu

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