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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New neighbour wanting free work done

260 replies

Nothankyou0 · 31/07/2020 18:42

We’ve just had a new lady move in two doors down from us. There are 3 different tradesmen living on this stretch of road one being my husband. I’ve noticed that since this lady has moved in, she is really taking the piss. For example, before she met my husband I noticed that the other two tradesmen were very regularly helping her with her house (she has gutted it all and is doing it up). We’re friends with them and know that she isn’t paying them. They’ll do things like give her lifts to b&q and back helping her bring materials into her house, concerting her garden and other things inside the house. Then she met my husband and ever since she’s been texting every day asking advice, she has had him round there every night for the last 4 days two hours at a time helping her fit cables in her house. She isn’t paying him for this. She’s now hinting at him fitting her new kitchen (obviously she is paying for all of the supplies etc) My husband says he doesn’t mind but to be honest I’m getting pissed off as he’s missed dinner with me and the children while he’s there and also the fact that she barely knows him and is getting free work done. I think this woman is obviously trying her luck to see how much free work she can get done between the three men. I want to say that I don’t want my husband going there anymore unless she is paying him his normal rate (or even mates rates as after all she is our neighbour and we’re happy to help when we can but without taking the piss!) what would you say?

OP posts:

giantangryrooster · 01/08/2020 16:12

SantaClaritaDiet if you had read the thread, you would have noticed I posted several times, mostly lighthearted I know, but perhaps you could do with a little humor reading this. But you call us controlling... Don't you think a mother with a newborn is entitled to just a little say in her dh's evening extravaganzas, both financially and time spend with her and the dc?

And we are not single, sorry, in need of a man women posting here necessarily.

MsEllany · 01/08/2020 16:16

More fool three tradesmen doing favours for a stranger.

My husband isn’t a tradesman but I remember him offering his services to all and sundry when I was pregnant with twins and waiting for a new bathroom to be fitted. I basically told him I was unimpressed he found it ok to put other people first presumably to make himself look good. Which is what your husband is doing as I fail to see what else he’s possibly getting out of it.

MaybeDoctor · 01/08/2020 16:23

Is anyone else now listening to that Blackrock Girl drama?

The cracks begin to show when the new neighbour asks the friendly local postmistress to rustle up several cakes for a her tea-party housewarming: "Just a few sponge cakes, two of your divine lemon drizzles and I bet you're a dab hand at those little cupcakes aren't you? Must dash. Be sure to text me the cost of the ingredients."

I think the Beeb must have been reading MN!

MikeUniformMike · 01/08/2020 16:33

As for the men, either they are being nice and helping out or they are doing it for the egoboost or hope of sex.

I had a neighbour help me (small emergency that needed an expert) and he didn't charge me, and I think he did it because he's nice. His wife knows me, and she didn't have a newborn at the time.

But three tradesmen... I wish. I'd gut the house and get it redone.

BurtsBeesKnees · 01/08/2020 16:45

I just asked my dh what he'd say if in a similar situation. He said 'ok I've done you a few favours, going forward my rate is X per hour' he actually said that she should have come through the OP and not directly through her DH. He agrees that there's something wrong in her asking him for favours. One or twice if she's in a pickle, but asking him to accompany her to B&Q is just a bit weird

BacklashStarts · 01/08/2020 16:54

“She’s such a nice lady? Well so am I darling so surely you’d like to spend the weekends and evening with me rather than doing more work for free? If you’re bored you can always clean the bathroom, cook dinner or play with the kids.”

altiara · 01/08/2020 17:02

Wow! I’m voting this neighbour to be the next Chancellor, the country will be out of debt before you know it!

Staplemaple · 01/08/2020 17:03

he actually said that she should have come through the OP and not directly through her DH.

Why? It's up to the DH to make choices and decisions for himself, he should be putting his family first for sure, but if someone came through DH to ask me to do something he isn't my gatekeeper.

bevm72yellow · 01/08/2020 17:24

you may have to "call her out" here. get in contact with partners of the other tradesmen. it may be a mini competition between these 3 tradesmen and she's trading secrets about the other men e.g. "oh John doesn't do it that way..your way is better"" so nice eh?
It's a social issue too as none of the tradesmen want to lose face perhaps. it's a possibilty.

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/08/2020 17:32

Some people are just cheeky fuckers and will take what they can until that particular well is dry before moving on to the next victim. They are expert manipulators and will target folk who are a soft touch or don't like confrontation.

My wife is an accountant and was always getting book keeping requests from people of the 'oh can you have a look at my year end accounts for me' variety as if such a job was a simple 10 min task. There was one cf lady on my street who despite being told no several times to free accountancy work pissed off on holiday having first posted a folder full of receipts, invoices and a memory key with excel spreadsheets through the door with a post it note breezily asking her to have a look. She also left a cheap bottle of wine on the doorstep as if £5.99 would somehow compensate for hundreds of pounds of work. She then got arsey when the same folder and bottle of wine was handed back to her. 'I thought you could at least have had a look'. Stupid cheeky cunt.

billy1966 · 01/08/2020 17:34

So she's making a mug out of you too OP.

He acts the big man, while avoiding family life.

You end up doing ALL the childcare.

She gets free work done.

Sounds like your husband and yourself are absolute mugs.

APOLOGIES

If your husband is too weak to look after his own family, and feels greater loyalty to a random woman that has moved to the area.....you have very big problems.

Sounds like your partner is an absolute twat.

If I were you I would tot up all those hours of his time that he has given some random woman that he's owes zero to at the expense of YOU, the mother of his children.....and make arrangements to see family and friends on your own.

I would spell out my fury to him clearly.
Perhaps he wants to pa k a bag and move in with her???🙄because he is certainly giving her more consideration, than he is to you.

She's a complete user.

Do not allow yourself to be treated so badly.

Caelan2018 · 01/08/2020 18:33

Make it clear to him your not happy him going over there when he Is not getting paid what a joke who does she think she is

GertieBassett · 01/08/2020 18:44

Oh dear! I had a friend who to me was rather plain looking, no threat nada nada nada.. but boy, she was sex on legs! She knew absolutely how to have men eating out of her hands! How she did it? I so wish i knew.. she was confident and meek all at the same time.

whereorwhere · 01/08/2020 18:48

This is one of the advantages of being female. Men are so stupid

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/08/2020 19:19

Men are so stupid

Yawn

KellyLDN · 01/08/2020 19:32

She’s taking the piss & for some reason, all 3 men are allowing it. I’d be pissed off. If she texts you to ask for hubby to go round, I’d tell her he can only prioritise extra work over family time, if he’s getting paid for it. If she texts him, he needs to tell her.

KellyLDN · 01/08/2020 19:36

Just asked my DH opinion on this one. His response: you don’t get nothing for nothing, they’re getting something out of it, so she must be flirting & soothing their egos.

Yerroblemom1923 · 01/08/2020 19:37

Calling at her house to ask for your husband back is a bit cringe though.....especially if she gets off on enticing other women's husbands away... Pop an invoice through her door....

Badnan · 01/08/2020 19:41

She is taking the piss, tell her to fuck off.

Tallulah1972 · 01/08/2020 19:51

Sounds like a role reversal of Witches of Eastwick...you’ll be sticking pins in a doll next 😆

SantaClaritaDiet · 01/08/2020 20:23

giantangryrooster

I did laugh about the thread, but I am also half cringing - it really looks like posts are written by men to take the piss of women by piling on the worst stereotypes! If posters really are genuine, I feel a bit embarrassed for them frankly.

Ginandtonics · 01/08/2020 21:35

Sounds like the whole street has a husband problem! I know someone like that, a real cow to the women but charms the fellas. Manipulative and not pleasent. YANBU

Original poster

Nothankyou0 · 01/08/2020 22:20

DH got home from work today and said he’d spoken to other neighbours and they’d all agreed that she is taking the piss and they won’t be doing anymore favours. It’s ok giving a helping hand here and there but not when it’s every day. He said she’s waiting for builders to start on the house but there would end up being no builders and her having her whole house done for free 😂

OP posts:

Staplemaple · 01/08/2020 22:24

So pathetic, they all had to have a chat about it instead of just saying no in the first place, jeez.

DillonPanthersTexas · 01/08/2020 22:46

Some very emotionally invested people on this thread

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