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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New neighbour wanting free work done

260 replies

Nothankyou0 · 31/07/2020 18:42

We’ve just had a new lady move in two doors down from us. There are 3 different tradesmen living on this stretch of road one being my husband. I’ve noticed that since this lady has moved in, she is really taking the piss. For example, before she met my husband I noticed that the other two tradesmen were very regularly helping her with her house (she has gutted it all and is doing it up). We’re friends with them and know that she isn’t paying them. They’ll do things like give her lifts to b&q and back helping her bring materials into her house, concerting her garden and other things inside the house. Then she met my husband and ever since she’s been texting every day asking advice, she has had him round there every night for the last 4 days two hours at a time helping her fit cables in her house. She isn’t paying him for this. She’s now hinting at him fitting her new kitchen (obviously she is paying for all of the supplies etc) My husband says he doesn’t mind but to be honest I’m getting pissed off as he’s missed dinner with me and the children while he’s there and also the fact that she barely knows him and is getting free work done. I think this woman is obviously trying her luck to see how much free work she can get done between the three men. I want to say that I don’t want my husband going there anymore unless she is paying him his normal rate (or even mates rates as after all she is our neighbour and we’re happy to help when we can but without taking the piss!) what would you say?

OP posts:
KaptainKaveman · 01/08/2020 07:57

I'd go straight round and ask why she expects it all done for free.

Catsup · 01/08/2020 07:59

'Then she met my husband and has been texting every day for advice'... I've lived in my street for 24yrs. I don't have any of my neighbours phone numbers (I've never asked/they've never offered)... Why does she have your partners number? 😐

Staplemaple · 01/08/2020 07:59

If she asked and they said yes, well, she isn't the problem. They are functional men who can say no I assume?

Ahhh but it's always the woman's fault, did you not get the memo? Never the men who are making decisions for themselves.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/08/2020 08:03

I thought she was supposed to be a CF for freeloading and getting work done for nothing? She is. She knows none of them. She has done her reesearch and targetted men who have skills she wants.

How does it make it worse if she's providing food and drink? Don't be naive, she is flattering them, making them feel important. Almost anyone will feel good about themsleves if you ask them questions and appear to listen to their answers. She is obviously good at this and knows exactly how to manipulate people into giving her what she wants.

Think it through, she has probably already had thousands of pounds worth of man hours given to her for free and it has cost her some chat, a smile and some refreshments. Very smart of her but also quite dishonest, as social mores go!

@Nothankyou0 just tell your husband he looks like a twat, is being led by his, erm, pride, and needs to grow up and remember what is really going on. He is being used....

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/08/2020 08:08

I don't have any of my neighbours phone numbers (I've never asked/they've never offered)... Why does she have your partners number? Because she doesn't play by the usual rules, she asked for his number and he gave it to her because it seemed reasonable at the time.

It can be really hard to resist the blandishments of a social outlier, someone who uses social niceties to their own advantage.

BIL/SIL used to do it all the time. For example, they'd meet someone on holiday and when they left there'd be the usual "You must come and see us" exchange. Nobody ever does, it's just being polite... except BIL/SIL usually did make contact and arrange to go to the other couples home!

Stepping outside the usual boundaries gives you a great advanatge as nobody has practised saying no to doing something they freely offered! They get caught unawares and often feel like they owe something.

Whatever else she is this women is a bloody good psychologist!

Rollmopsrule · 01/08/2020 08:11

Fair play - she's not daft is she! It's the men that are a bit thick in all this. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be falling over themselves to give freebies to a new male neighbour no matter how 'nice' they were.

Imissmoominmama · 01/08/2020 08:26

@Billben- DH has laid a patio, cut hedges, made and fitted a gate, and put up light fittings. I’ve done 100s of hours. As we were both free, it made sense to keep busy and felt good to help; perhaps that’s how the men felt too?

Imissmoominmama · 01/08/2020 08:27

But yes, she should offer some payment!

squeekums · 01/08/2020 08:32

Ahhh but it's always the woman's fault, did you not get the memo? Never the men who are making decisions for themselves

Ahh yes, my bad, I should have known better.

squeekums · 01/08/2020 08:44

Stepping outside the usual boundaries gives you a great advanatge as nobody has practised saying no to doing something they freely offered! They get caught unawares and often feel like they owe something

But that's not the neighbors issue.
The usual boundaries are not always very rational. Why shouldn't a human ask a human for help?
Take out male/female for a second.
Broken down all that's happened is someone has asked others for help, they've agreed, paid or not, they all agree to the deal and seem happy with it.

chaoticisatroll55 · 01/08/2020 08:57

Good on her for trying and getting away with it but it's your husband you need to sort out not her. She must be a bloody good flirt!

Standrewsschool · 01/08/2020 08:58

Asking for help is fine. Providing help is fine. Expecting/demanding help is not fine.

A colleague’s husband just fitted his own kitchen. It’s not a five minute job.

WellThisWentWell · 01/08/2020 09:02

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble
”The stupid one is not the one who asks, but the one that gives.

Doesn't translate well but you get the gist.”

Are you Finnish?

Lysianthus · 01/08/2020 09:28

All I can say is that I hope he’s using protection.
Masks, that is.

hedgehogger1 · 01/08/2020 09:42

Tell him to give her a quote for the work

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 01/08/2020 10:03

@WellThisWentWell nope, Romanian. Why?

crimsonlake · 01/08/2020 10:23

I would have to agree it is highly unusual for tradesmen to do something for free, I am racking my brains as to why.
I am single, in good shape and probably not unattractive. Never in all my years have I managed to get a tradesman to do anything for free or reduced price no matter how many cups of tea I have made or how friendly I have been.

Yeahnahmum · 01/08/2020 10:59

She has them and your Dh wrapped around her finger... you might not find her attractive but all the men seem to disagree with you. Some people aren't perse beautiful but they can still have mega sex appeal and charm.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/08/2020 11:04

But that's not the neighbors issue. I didn't say it was. I just gave one explanation of why she was successful!

TrickyD · 01/08/2020 11:11

Perhaps she allows or even encourages them to use her loo.

wowfudge · 01/08/2020 11:12

According to her previous threads the OP recently gave birth. I'm surprised she isn't more pissed off with her DH spending hours at a time at the neighbours.

ekidmxcl · 01/08/2020 11:29

I have a neighbour who is a tradesman. He does loads for me and I pay him absolutely every single time at his proper rates because otherwise I would be a thief.

cochineal7 · 01/08/2020 11:42

One of my best mates is a plumber and I am already embarrassed paying mates rates as I don’t want to feel taking advantage. She is taking the piss.

Newwayofthinking · 01/08/2020 12:06

Have you had a chat with your DH

Cadent · 01/08/2020 12:11

There's no way OP is coming back, I don't think she got the reaction she was expected.