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Original poster

New neighbour wanting free work done

260 replies

Nothankyou0 · 31/07/2020 18:42

We’ve just had a new lady move in two doors down from us. There are 3 different tradesmen living on this stretch of road one being my husband. I’ve noticed that since this lady has moved in, she is really taking the piss. For example, before she met my husband I noticed that the other two tradesmen were very regularly helping her with her house (she has gutted it all and is doing it up). We’re friends with them and know that she isn’t paying them. They’ll do things like give her lifts to b&q and back helping her bring materials into her house, concerting her garden and other things inside the house. Then she met my husband and ever since she’s been texting every day asking advice, she has had him round there every night for the last 4 days two hours at a time helping her fit cables in her house. She isn’t paying him for this. She’s now hinting at him fitting her new kitchen (obviously she is paying for all of the supplies etc) My husband says he doesn’t mind but to be honest I’m getting pissed off as he’s missed dinner with me and the children while he’s there and also the fact that she barely knows him and is getting free work done. I think this woman is obviously trying her luck to see how much free work she can get done between the three men. I want to say that I don’t want my husband going there anymore unless she is paying him his normal rate (or even mates rates as after all she is our neighbour and we’re happy to help when we can but without taking the piss!) what would you say?

OP posts:
Shinyletsbebadguys · 01/08/2020 22:55

I'm sort of impressed she turned up new and found out peoples trades and phone numbers. I've lived in my house a year and I vaguely know next door is a teacher , I haven't got a scoobies what everyone else does. Wait no , that's not true , a woman three doors down across the road works for sainsbury's, I saw her uniform once.

Where are these places everyone knows this stuff and pops in and out of each others houses ? I've lived in lots of different types of area and I've never known it...oh actually we are quite insular and miserable...that's probably why.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable and you need you dh at home tell him to knock it on the head. I very much doubt this woman is planning secret affairs with 3 tradesman at once...frankly how would she even have time for that? She took a chance and it worked for a while, say no and that's an end to it. Probably a tad harsh to chuck her on a pyre in the town square just yet.

Attitude84 · 01/08/2020 23:08

Actually, why has she been texting your husband at all? Did he randomly give her his number? I’d be putting a stop to it now. Piss taking tart.

VictoriousSockPuppet · 01/08/2020 23:16

Your last three words are beyond horrible, @Attitude84.
You should be ashamed speaking like that about someone you don't know

monkeymonkey2010 · 01/08/2020 23:36

she's an insult to women...playing up femininity to manipulate men into 'giving' her things for free.
...good job the men woke up to it!

Headinthecloudsfeetinthemud · 01/08/2020 23:53

It doesn’t make any difference if she’s attractive. Men go all gooey at the prospect of helping a woman on her own. Since my husband left I’ve had several married men sniffing round, uninvited, unprovoked. Makes me nauseous. Looks like this woman’s loving it though - a real femme fatale. Good luck.

Original poster
Nothankyou0 · 01/08/2020 23:56

@SantaClaritaDiet
yawn why are you posting the same point over and over?

OP posts:
ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 02/08/2020 00:27

she's an insult to women...playing up femininity to manipulate men into 'giving' her things for free.

Why?

...good job the men woke up to it

You mean the wives "woke" them up. Grin

Attitude84 · 02/08/2020 01:17

Puppet, I’m not ashamed at all. I’ve said what everyone else has but just used different words. Get off that high horse.

squeekums · 02/08/2020 03:34

@monkeymonkey2010

she's an insult to women...playing up femininity to manipulate men into 'giving' her things for free. ...good job the men woke up to it!
why shouldnt she? If they too stupid to wise up, its not her fault They didnt even wise up themselves, they needed OP for it So again, not the neighbours fault these men are idiots
GnomeDePlume · 02/08/2020 05:47

@CuriousaboutSamphire

I don't have any of my neighbours phone numbers (I've never asked/they've never offered)... Why does she have your partners number? Because she doesn't play by the usual rules, she asked for his number and he gave it to her because it seemed reasonable at the time.

It can be really hard to resist the blandishments of a social outlier, someone who uses social niceties to their own advantage.

BIL/SIL used to do it all the time. For example, they'd meet someone on holiday and when they left there'd be the usual "You must come and see us" exchange. Nobody ever does, it's just being polite... except BIL/SIL usually did make contact and arrange to go to the other couples home!

Stepping outside the usual boundaries gives you a great advanatge as nobody has practised saying no to doing something they freely offered! They get caught unawares and often feel like they owe something.

Whatever else she is this women is a bloody good psychologist!

This

We have a neighbour like this. Once she has latched on to someone it is very difficult to get her unhooked because it is always 'just a quick favour' until you realise that these favours are constant. Each favour is small so saying 'no' feels mean.

Standrewsschool · 02/08/2020 09:01

@notthankyou0
I’m glad it’s all been sorted.

And if he’s not doing your cf neighbour’s diy and trips to b and q, then he’s free to come around to my house later to fix the shower...!

giantangryrooster · 02/08/2020 09:47

why shouldnt she?
If they too stupid to wise up, its not her fault

I guess this is how CFs think. I have really wondered reading this thread and other CF threads, what is it that creates givers and takers and further down the line cfs?

Something along the lines of stepping just a little off boundaries and then pushing and pushing it further.

I guess in the mind of CFs, people are asking for it if they are stupid (like to do the odd favour)?

Anyways glad you got it sorted OP, are you making a rota and sending him round Grin?

Pandacub7 · 02/08/2020 09:55

@Nothankyou0 hopefully these men will stick to their word and not do any jobs for her from now on, unless they draw up a contract. I wonder how she got so much control over them.

emilybrontescorsett · 02/08/2020 10:32

I don't understand why he gave her his number. I don't have any of my neighbours phone numbers.

AlphaDalpha · 02/08/2020 10:33

If this was my husband, he'd invoice her.

DillonPanthersTexas · 02/08/2020 10:43

she's an insult to women...playing up femininity to manipulate men into 'giving' her things for free.

Why?

I don't thinks it's a good look and most people see it for what it is which is manipulative cheeky fucker behaviour.

I had a friend like this who flirted with blokes in bars to buy her drinks. Her take was that if they are daft enough to buy a stranger drinks then that's their problem, I just saw it as cheap and a bit sad really. She was an otherwise financially independent woman so why does she need to chat up blokes she has no interest in just to get a free drink.

In my 20s when I was not a terribly confident young man I probably would have fallen for the same trick, not because I was dumb or couldn't see the gambit for what it was but because back then I was a very non confrontational chap and did not have confidence to say 'no' to an assertive and direct woman.

Bluntness100 · 02/08/2020 10:44

@monkeymonkey2010

she's an insult to women...playing up femininity to manipulate men into 'giving' her things for free. ...good job the men woke up to it!
No she’s not and good for her.
Thislittlelady · 02/08/2020 10:49

How much is she paying you for all this work/ your time? Cos we have bills to pay and a family to feed? Either charge her or stop doing the work. We cannot pay bills with your good nature I’m afraid..... or something....

Original poster
Nothankyou0 · 02/08/2020 11:02

DH didn’t go round there in the end last night. I have just heard her out the window asking our other tradesman neighbour to help her with something and he’s flat out said no so I assume DH will be getting a text at some point. On a Sunday morning when both men have children!

OP posts:
Staplemaple · 02/08/2020 11:12

Ah the men with children who couldn't say no until their wives told them to, those ones?

SantaClaritaDiet · 02/08/2020 11:18

[quote Nothankyou0]@SantaClaritaDiet
yawn why are you posting the same point over and over?[/quote]
Confused

ahem... I am replying to poster who directly addressed their post to me?
You do know it's a public forum, and others are allowed to post, even if they don't agree with the OP or a few others? If you were expecting a "poor you, are you ok hun" you might have confused MN with FB possibly?

I am guessing some of you don't like to be called upon their horrible attitude, you just have to read some of the most abusive posts above.
Cheer up Flowers

SantaClaritaDiet · 02/08/2020 11:19

I hope MN moves this thread to the feminist section.

It's a classic.

Staplemaple · 02/08/2020 11:23

I agree @SantaClaritaDiet, those poor 3 men, manipulated into giving a woman their phone number and doing work for free against their will.

DillonPanthersTexas · 02/08/2020 11:37

I don't understand why he gave her his number. I don't have any of my neighbours phone numbers

On my street there is a huge WhatsApp group where people are constantly asking advice, giving away household goods, or offering to help others out. So I have access to about 70% of my neighbours phone numbers. It's not that uncommon.

pringlesontoast · 02/08/2020 11:44

IME when I've been single I had married men offering to help me out with jobs around the house and they were all after something in return! Would your DH help out a new male neighbour for free? Would he help out an unattractive person?