New neighbour wanting free work done

[Nothankyou0]

We’ve just had a new lady move in two doors down from us. There are 3 different tradesmen living on this stretch of road one being my husband. I’ve noticed that since this lady has moved in, she is really taking the piss. For example, before she met my husband I noticed that the other two tradesmen were very regularly helping her with her house (she has gutted it all and is doing it up). We’re friends with them and know that she isn’t paying them. They’ll do things like give her lifts to b&q and back helping her bring materials into her house, concerting her garden and other things inside the house. Then she met my husband and ever since she’s been texting every day asking advice, she has had him round there every night for the last 4 days two hours at a time helping her fit cables in her house. She isn’t paying him for this. She’s now hinting at him fitting her new kitchen (obviously she is paying for all of the supplies etc) My husband says he doesn’t mind but to be honest I’m getting pissed off as he’s missed dinner with me and the children while he’s there and also the fact that she barely knows him and is getting free work done. I think this woman is obviously trying her luck to see how much free work she can get done between the three men. I want to say that I don’t want my husband going there anymore unless she is paying him his normal rate (or even mates rates as after all she is our neighbour and we’re happy to help when we can but without taking the piss!) what would you say?

I dont think it is specifically about men doing free work for women.

You do sometimes get the same thing when a man acts up that he cant do something traditionally female, could be cooking/sewing/laundry related. He acts all helpless and women take the job out of his hands. The next time something comes up he will bleat that 'you did it so well last time' so she is flattered into helping out again.

What you do get in this scenario is that the woman has invited the various tradesmen into her home. Initially they are happy to help, everybody likes showing off their skills. Then they get flattered then it turns into an obligation.

It's always couched in terms of just a little favour except that when you add them up they turn into a mountain of little favours.

It is how CFs operate. They push boundaries and depend on people being too polite to say no.

It's always couched in terms of just a little favour except that when you add them up they turn into a mountain of little favours.

Very much this. Thin end of the wedge and all that.

know someone whose husband fell for just that when his wife was pregnant and it went in for months

Fell for what? Are you saying he was rendered unable to make his own decisions? Or more likely just blamed the woman as men often do.

Where do you live, i neeeeeed free work !

I dont think it is specifically about men doing free work for women.

I had a bit of this, especially when my kids were younger. I'm an RN and there were a few mums who would ring me and ask "Little Rufus is projectile vomiting and has a fever. He can still go to school, right?". Or even worse, they'd clap the door at 7:00 so that I could have a look at little Rufus and then pass judgment on whether he could go to school.

Of course I'd always say that it's up to them, but the same mums would keep trying it on anyway.

F

Isn't it great you, and all the neighbours, have a free babysitter on tap? I'm sure she wants to return the favours, doesn't she?

If people are daft enough to give their time for free that's on them.

I had a tradesperson do loads of free stuff around the house, when he couldn't do something he'd get his trader mates round. I paid for all the stuff needed and yea when I had a list of things to get I'd ask one of them to come with me, and of course with their work vans, made sense for them to drive.

Went on for about 18 months as he thought I needed rescuing. Told him I wasn't interested in him. Even when I started having a fling with one of the other guys, didn't stop. Only stopped as I'd run out of things that needed doing 😂

Apparently I've got a cracking sense of humour, considered one of the "lads" by a lot of men, and regardless of user name, I often get mistaken for a man on here 🤪

And funnily enough over the years I have been accused of being a slut, slag, whore, prostitute, home wreckers etc by a high proportion of females who have no idea about my sex life. If they did, they'd know for starters I don't do the drama of other people's relationships, and if I've been lied to, I let the partner know. Or when he says it's an open relationship, cool lets go back to your place then, and watch the colour drain and the panic in their eyes 🤣

Reading MN over the years has made me much more alert to CF and how to spot them. My Spotter's Guide would include:

They are keen to take a new friendship to a closer level quite quickly, to create a sense of obligation.

They seem to have a lot of friends, but talk about how special your friendship is to them...

They are initially quite generous, perhaps giving you a gift you don't really want, also in order to create a sense of obligation.

They share too much information: their problem becomes your problem. If they are on social media, their problem becomes everyone's problem.

I have noticed quite a bit of taking-the-mick breaking out on WhatsApp groups during coronavirus: it begins with an elderly person asking someone to get them some milk and becomes able-bodied people in their forties asking someone to pick them up a joint of meat and a bottle of wine.