About the disposal of my exh's clothes?

[lou33]

He left the country in aug last year after we split in nov 05, but was in and out of hte house for long periods of time, as he was still on the lease and once he came to see the kids he would just refuse to go

Anyway he finally went in aug 06 after anasty incident which ended up me calling the police. He took a load of stuff with him saying everything else he didnt want (he was going to thailand and sayign he would probably never be back as it was too painful to live in the uk )

So i chucked his stuff out months and months ago.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and i get an email saying he is back in the uk on 8th october. Today i get an email saying he expects to be able to come and get his winter clothes.

I have replied saying i dont have any, i binned them months ago, all i have are some old jackets of his, but he isnt welcome here to come and collect htem , something else will have to be arranged.

Whats the odds he starts calling me all the names he can think of now?

I dont quite see why he thinks i should have kept them for him tho, i am not a museum to him nor a storage centre

Or am i being unreasonable?

he wants to come and get some bits and bobs (statues etc), so i guess in the next couple of weeks

i am not being unreasonable in not wanting him here am i? he can have what he likes i just dont want him here. He says i am being unhelpful

Can you arrange to hand over whatever he wants at some neutral place? I don't think you are being unreasonable in not wanting him at your home.

And how dare he say you are being unhelpful. It was singularly unhelpful of him to bugger off over the other side of the world leaving you with debts and failing to provide any maintenance for his children. Selective memory indeed.

unhelpful!he should be gratful you kept any of his stuff its strange the skills men have that we dont selective memory and selective hearing is a good one too

This is a bit of one of the emails he sent me today (the phone thing is because i said i dont know if it is here or not)

I for one do not remember saying that about my clothes. and to throw my phone-!!!!

In terms of not coming there, well how the hell do i have any idea how to remember all my personal things i remember my burmese statues, my leather coat and my archive stuff, tools, camcorder etc.

I am trying to be adult about this because i feel that the kids should be able to see that no matter what has happened
mum and dad seattled their differences like adults and can now be cordial.
whatever we feel about eachother I really don't understand your hatred.

Lou you wanted your freedom you got it, you wanted to stay in the house with the kids, you got it, ffs is it i the kids interest to destroy me completely?

in the second one he sent me, immediately after, he says that he was nly going to thaialand for 5 weeks , but he didnt tell me that, in fact he told me he didnt know when he would be back or if he would see the kids again

he is also saying that the main reason he is coming back is to see the kids again

not anything to do with being able to get nhs treatment for his leg then

i think i will need to get someone to be with me to hand over these knick knacks, if he still persists

Bloody Hell I hope he catches Knob Rot via his gammy leg. YANBU.

i am fed up with listening to this diatribe of how much i am supposed to hate him and making him suffer

i really am

For the lova chocolate.

Are you sure he's coming for his leg and not his head??

lol

i dont think he will ever seee it any other way

i was going to suggest meeting him alone before he met kids, to talk about how to play it, but i dont think i canbear it now, he will just make me feel like i have ruined his life

he does in the second email say he now agrees i made the right choice in ending the marriage, but he still thinks i do things on purpose because i hate him

couldnt you just tell him you ocmpeltely redecorated, and went utterly minimilist...ie you chucked everything that wasn't nialed down, and opps that includes his sodding nicknacks

he seems to think anyone else would have stored stuff for their exh til they came back for it

i disagree

we were over for 9 months before he went to thailadn, he surely could have sorted storage for anything important in that time?

Well, of course he could and he knows it. He's just trying to guilt-trip you - and it seems he's succeeding.

Just tell him to grow up and accept that anything he left behind and didn't want/need for 2 years is clearly not that important. You are not his storage facility and, if you were, you'd be charging him more than the stuff was worth.

i did kind of say that, but it's good ot hear validation

hmmmmm so he called the kids today, and told them that he would be in uk on monday

then said he would like to see thewm when we got back from being away if i would let him

is it me or is he making me out to be the bad person yet again!

No, it's not you. He is trying to make you out to be the bad guy. If he doesn't want to see the, he will make out it is because you won't let him. And so on.

You need to make it clear to your children that they are free to see their dad as long as that is what they* want to do.

i think i need to see him face to face on my own , to say what i expect from him the first time he sees the kids

oh they want to see him, he told them he is over for a long time as well

think you should talk on your own first and make sure he knows its unacceptible to be making you out to be the bad guy to your dcs

oh lou... he really is a piece of work isnt he???
poor you.
dont get caught up in all his crap and guilt tripping.
decide what you want to do and TELL him what that is..... ie is there a friend who could meet with him to hand over anything he can have? or can be with you if you do decide to let him come to the house?
what do you want to happen re him seeing the dcs? again decide what you think is best and then tell him what the arrangements are if he wants to see them.......
deep breaths. chin up. etc.

hope you've got that divorce petition ready

i dont and naever have had a problem with him and the kids seeng each other as much as they want

the only problem i have is with his behaviour towards me, which of course is seen by the kids

i have told him that when he has proven to me his ability to be civil and friendly and nice, over a period of time (not justa coule of visits) then he will be welcome back ot my house to see kids, but until hten i am assumingh e is the same man i have always known

yanbu he sounds very manipulative

Give his stuff to a charity shop, tell him which one. You are happy, the charity shop is happy, the desperatley poor miserable people living from hand to mouth that the charity shop supports are happy, him, well who gives a toss if he is happy

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