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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About the disposal of my exh's clothes?

73 replies

lou33 · 01/10/2007 15:10

He left the country in aug last year after we split in nov 05, but was in and out of hte house for long periods of time, as he was still on the lease and once he came to see the kids he would just refuse to go

Anyway he finally went in aug 06 after anasty incident which ended up me calling the police. He took a load of stuff with him saying everything else he didnt want (he was going to thailand and sayign he would probably never be back as it was too painful to live in the uk )

So i chucked his stuff out months and months ago.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and i get an email saying he is back in the uk on 8th october. Today i get an email saying he expects to be able to come and get his winter clothes.

I have replied saying i dont have any, i binned them months ago, all i have are some old jackets of his, but he isnt welcome here to come and collect htem , something else will have to be arranged.

Whats the odds he starts calling me all the names he can think of now?

I dont quite see why he thinks i should have kept them for him tho, i am not a museum to him nor a storage centre

Or am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
casbie · 01/10/2007 16:17

OMG

say you've moved away permentely! (sp!)

bookthief · 01/10/2007 16:17

I was in a similarish situation with an exflatmate (except that the period of time before I got rid was 5 years and she never did come back looking for the stuff). My rationale was that if they had put the stuff into paid storage the fees would have soon become more than the value of the stuff, ergo I actually owned it anyway in lieu of storage fees....or something...

nutcracker · 01/10/2007 16:18

Xp had until recently about 3 bags and 2 boxes of stuff here. I kept asking him to take them but he wouldn't.

In the end i rang him and said that they were on the front lawn and he was free to collect them when ever he liked, but to bear in mind that the following day was bin day.

Within half an hour he had arranged a lift from a friend and collected it all (after begging me to take it all in out of the rain).

Bouquets · 01/10/2007 16:21

Bonkers. (Him not you)
Maybe you should pre-empt him? Can you leave everything he might want (that you still have) with a mutual acquaintance before he even arrives?

Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 16:22

yes nutty, but i couldnt really do that could i lol

he said to me at the time he was taking what he wanted

even if he challenges that i had no reason to believe until v recently that he was coming back, so got rid ages ago

tbh i think it is only because he needs to see specialists over here regarding his accident, that he is coming back at all

OP posts:
Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 16:24

mutual acquaintences are in london

well a few in my village but they arent too keen on how he behaved tbh

OP posts:
Bouquets · 01/10/2007 16:35

Hmm, is there access to your back garden from the front? Could you leave binbags in the shed for him to collect when you've moved out?

Lorayn · 01/10/2007 16:48

YANBU ignore his bollocks and tell him where to stick it!

nutcracker · 01/10/2007 16:49

I would defo leave them in bags outside Lou. Tell him where they will be and when, wether he then cllects them or leaves them, to rot is his choice.

Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 16:51

he has no clothes here now, a few jackets and a few knick knacks

i dont want him anywhere near the hosue he will just wait for me if he comes

funnily enough i do have them, but they are mouldy at teh bottom of hte garden waiting to be skipped lol

OP posts:
Susianna · 01/10/2007 16:52

Oh what a prong he is...

Sounds like a control freak. The thing with the camcorder, suggesting that only HE would care enough to remember it was there, because you are obviously such a crap mother and person and don't even want to keep it

What does he hope to achieve?

You are absolutely not unreasonable.

(My ex left some cr*p here last year when I ditched him, it was some hair clippers (so I could tidy up my 'bits' for him...as he requested...and a couple of books, one on how to bring up my children (not his) and one about vitamins because I was such a bad cook. I kept them for months to prevent unpleasant scenes, but he never even showed up to see his baby when it was born and after wasting my morning waitig in for him, without even a call to explain the fact he didn't show up, they all went in the bin. Hooray!!!)

Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 16:53

i really do think he has some kind of brain dysfunction that doesnt enable him to see the real world, you know

OP posts:
nutcracker · 01/10/2007 17:01

Oh tell him you got rid of everything, sounds easier to me.

I chucked one of xp's jackets just because I knew he really liked it, and i had always hated it. Felt like i was doing the general public a favour, saving them from the sight of him in it anyway.

Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 17:01

it's wearing me out

OP posts:
Freckle · 01/10/2007 17:04

Email him back and tell him that you have bundled all remaining clothes and knick knacks into a bag and left it with the local vicar, who will be happy to hand it over when he calls.

I think you might need to prime your dcs not to disclose where you are staying when you have the work done to the house.

Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 18:29

well they know where we are going but not the address which is good

soabout 30 mins ago i discovered he had emailed dd2 yet again saying he expects to be back on 8th oct, tho the airline only have him on standby

so of course she went yelling to the others .....sigh

why he couldnt just saty quiet til he knew he was back in the uk i have no idea, they could very well end up let down again

OP posts:
xXxamyxXx · 01/10/2007 18:47

hope you have changed all the locks so you dont arrive home to him!

Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 18:49

oh he has no keys, i got them back immediately

OP posts:
xXxamyxXx · 01/10/2007 18:54

thank god for that!!

Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 18:55

oh yes, i wasnt risking that

OP posts:
Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 19:08

sent dd1 out with ds1 to buy biggest bar of chocolate she could find, which i am currently scoffing, as a stress reliever

OP posts:
xXxamyxXx · 01/10/2007 19:15

shame ds isnt old enough to have picked you up some wine too

Original poster
lou33 · 01/10/2007 19:31

yes, BUT you have reminded me i have beer!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lou33 · 04/10/2007 17:57

oh blimey i just had 2 shitty emails from him saying i shouldnt have thrown his clothes

OP posts:
Original poster
lou33 · 04/10/2007 18:01

although they are actually quite funny as well, feeling v sorry for himself and he has a great selective memory

OP posts:
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