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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Books VS Clothes

109 replies

GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:17

Can you give your opinion to help settle an argument between my husband and I?

We have a chest of drawers in our bedroom, stuffed over capacity with my clothes. He complains daily and has rather frequently made me give away clothes. He's right - My clothing habit is annoying.

However, we also have a bookshelf, also too full and stuffed beyond capacity, filled with his books. I want him to give some away. He has refused up until today when he gave up 5 of his books.

He says it is not comparing like with like. His argument for keeping all his books is that it is not causing a problem and that he wants to keep them all. My argument for wanting my clothes is that I want to keep them all. He says it's not the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:
grissomsbugs · 30/07/2020 15:19

Do your draws shut properly and do the bookcase take all of his books neatly?

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2020 15:19

Buy a bigger chest of drawers if you like and wear them all.

But books are completely different. I adore my husband but my books have been in my life decades longer than he has. He just buys us more book shelves.

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:20

@grissombugs No to both of these.

OP posts:
Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:21

@AnneLovesGilbert I agree! I have wanted to increase our storage for years. But he says the problem is not lack of storage. It is my clothing habit.

OP posts:
wildcherries · 30/07/2020 15:21

It's much harder for me, personally, to sort through books to give away than it is for me to give away my clothes.

3rdNamechange · 30/07/2020 15:22

They are both things you each want to keep, neither should make the other give anything away if they don't want to.
Sounds like you need more drawers and shelves Smile
Btw I've got too many clothes and books 😬

Zilla1 · 30/07/2020 15:22

Tis a sin and a crime to give away books.

wildcherries · 30/07/2020 15:23

As per your last update, he's just being annoying.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 30/07/2020 15:24

Agree a set storage amount for your clothes/his books. Then operate a 1 in, 1 out policy.

I love books. But can to realise a cheap paperback I won't reread is clutter (and a lain to move house with). Same with an of favourite top that's developed a hole.

If it's a collection of beautiful reference books however, you need more shelves.

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:28

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. To clarify most of these books are not collectors items, first editions or beautiful reference books. But to be fair, my clothes are not Gucci, Armani or Chanel.

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 30/07/2020 15:29

It's hard to say whose habit is excessive without seeing the evidence. But the fact you admit your clothing habit is annoying makes me wonder. What do you actually mean by a 'clothing habit'? What form does the habit take? Are you constantly buying new clothes? Is he constantly buying new books, or are they old books with sentimental value?

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/07/2020 15:29

He’s wrong. If more capacious storage would make your life easier can’t you go ahead and just get some? Offer him an extra bookcase at the same time?

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:34

@lazylinguist I mean I like jeans and t-shirts and jumpers and dresses and I have more than I need, but I enjoy them all the same.
He enjoys picking up novels, and biographies and coffee table books. He has more than he needs too, and most of these haven't been taken off the bookshelf and read in years. I guess he enjoys having them though.

OP posts:
lillylemons · 30/07/2020 15:38

I think you should both keep your clothes and books but buy more storage for them.
I know if I asked dd or dh to give up their books they would both refuse they love their books. They need a new bookshelf the one they got can't hold anymore they started stacking them up at the side of it and the piles now taller than the bookshelves.

TheMumblesofMumbledom · 30/07/2020 15:39

has rather frequently made me give away clothes

He makes you?

Me and dh love books and also have a bookcase in the bedroom filled to the rafters but nobody, let alone dh would be entitled to make me give my clothes away.

EatsShootsAndRuns · 30/07/2020 15:40

rather frequently made me give away clothes

He's not the boss. He has no say in whether you keep your own possessions or not. Likewise, you have no say over his possessions.

As long as there's a home for them and neither of you expects the other to live in a death trap because of insufficient storage, in which case you both discuss the storage needs.

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:44

Keep you thoughts coming guys!

When I say 'make' I mean complains and nags until I have given in and has set aside time for me to choose what I want to keep and give away. This has been against my will but at the same time he is not physically controlling. He's just a bonafide yap.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 30/07/2020 15:44

Why does it all have to be kept in the bedroom? Surely you have bookshelves around the house? Could you nominate a spare bedroom as your dressing room?

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:46

@katy1213
Bookshelf is downstairs, drawers are upstairs in the bedroom.
We have no spare bedrooms.

OP posts:
Bella2020 · 30/07/2020 15:47

He could download all his books on to a Kindle.....

TheMumblesofMumbledom · 30/07/2020 15:48

@GinaDoug

Keep you thoughts coming guys!

When I say 'make' I mean complains and nags until I have given in and has set aside time for me to choose what I want to keep and give away. This has been against my will but at the same time he is not physically controlling. He's just a bonafide yap.

Complaining and nagging is still controlling you to bend to his will even if it's not physical.

Tell him they're your clothes and you will be giving away precisely zero items unless you decide you want to.

katy1213 · 30/07/2020 15:49

Just one bookshelf sounds minimalist! And don't you have a wardrobe for your clothes?

Musmerian · 30/07/2020 15:54

I have , literally, hundreds of books. Four shelves in sitting/ dining area, one in kitchen and three more upstairs. Woe betide anyone who challenged that! Find solutions- each keep what you want. One shelf and one chest of drawers seems pretty restrained to me.

ALLIS0N · 30/07/2020 16:03

Complaining and nagging every day is still bullying. It doesn't have to be physical.

Is there anything else that he makes you do?

Thisismytimetoshine · 30/07/2020 16:06

If you really have a clothes "habit", as in, buy huge amounts of stuff you don't barely wear then it probably needs looking at.
Trying to force him to empty his bookcase as a tit for that is ridiculous.