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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Books VS Clothes

109 replies

GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:17

Can you give your opinion to help settle an argument between my husband and I?

We have a chest of drawers in our bedroom, stuffed over capacity with my clothes. He complains daily and has rather frequently made me give away clothes. He's right - My clothing habit is annoying.

However, we also have a bookshelf, also too full and stuffed beyond capacity, filled with his books. I want him to give some away. He has refused up until today when he gave up 5 of his books.

He says it is not comparing like with like. His argument for keeping all his books is that it is not causing a problem and that he wants to keep them all. My argument for wanting my clothes is that I want to keep them all. He says it's not the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MulberryPeony · 30/07/2020 16:22

I think they are the same. Could you both put some of your ‘collections’ into the loft as a peace keeping measure?

I’m surprised no one has mentioned you LTB or getting your ducks in a row yet Hmm with some of the responses.

Norma27 · 30/07/2020 16:26

I have most of my books on Kindle now, and just keep certain copies of actual books. I had far too much clutter which included too many books. Actual copies I often give away to friends and family now as gone are the days I read many books many times.

JamesArthursEyelashes · 30/07/2020 16:26

When I say 'make' I mean complains and nags until I have given in and has set aside time for me to choose what I want to keep and give away.

You need to get better at ignoring him when he complains. And buy him a kindle.

TeacupDrama · 30/07/2020 16:28

I think it depends on numbers books do not occupy the same amount of space as clothes 100 books is not the same as 100 pairs of shoes
what is important and fair is that you both have a similar amount of storage space if he wants more books and less clothes and you want less books and more clothes fine
but if he has 2 narrow bookcases and half a wardrobe and 1 drawer and you have 2 double wardrobes and 2 chest of drawers plus stuff in laundry etc he has a point, if he had 3 walls lined with book shelves floor to ceiling and 2000 books and was complaining because you had 10 pairs of trousers then he would be unreasonable

cariadlet · 30/07/2020 16:35

You keep using the word bookshelf. Do you literally only mean one bookshelf or so you mean one bookcase?

I can't imagine trying to fit my books on one shelf....... or in one bookcase. He must be a very restrained bookbuyer.

SimonJT · 30/07/2020 16:37

An entire wall in the living room of our flat is a bookcase, I have hundreds of books, I happily lend them to people, but I would never give books away.

Clothes to me are different, I don’t have a huge amount of clothes but I do tend to buy slightly pricier brands. I only buy things I really like, so clothes are only thrown out when they are past their best.

I do however have a trainer habit and I could wear a new pair everyday for quite a few weeks before I got through them all. I have a small walk in wardrobe and I use that to store them.

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 16:40

@Allis0n
There are tonnes of things he nags and complains about every day, but then, so do I. Still, we utterly adore one another.

OP posts:
NeutrinoWrangler · 30/07/2020 16:41

I'd find/buy/install more storage. There's always room, if you look hard enough. Wink

But seriously, if you can't close drawers, you should remove some clothes. Whether you should find somewhere else to store them or cull the weakest items in the wardrobe is up for debate, but I wouldn't get rid of anything (clothes, books, or otherwise) just because my husband didn't understand why I wanted to keep them.

Realistically, unless you actually use all the clothes, they're not doing you any good and maybe it's time to clean out, but I doubt he's referring to, admiring, or frequently rereading all of his books, either.

Insist on buying more storage or find some on your own. Maybe stack some neatly folded items on top of his precious books. Grin

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 16:42

@MulberryPeony

I think they are the same. Could you both put some of your ‘collections’ into the loft as a peace keeping measure?

I’m surprised no one has mentioned you LTB or getting your ducks in a row yet Hmm with some of the responses.

What is LTB?
OP posts:
Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 16:44

@cariadlet

You keep using the word bookshelf. Do you literally only mean one bookshelf or so you mean one bookcase?

I can't imagine trying to fit my books on one shelf....... or in one bookcase. He must be a very restrained bookbuyer.

Sorry - one sizeable bookcase.
OP posts:
Alsohuman · 30/07/2020 16:45

Can’t you just buy another chest of drawers?

DappledThings · 30/07/2020 16:47

I hate giving away books. I only give away tiny numbers of them. Clothes however I like to keep to a minimum. Books are much more important!

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 16:47

@Alsohuman

Can’t you just buy another chest of drawers?
I would really like to. Or even better, I would like a built in storage solution. He doesn't want this though because he says that this solution will only lead to be stuffing this full too. I disagree, but full disclosure on his opinion too.
OP posts:
Zilla1 · 30/07/2020 16:48

OP 'He has more than he needs' - apologies, I don't understand what you're saying here.

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 16:50

@Zilla1

OP 'He has more than he needs' - apologies, I don't understand what you're saying here.
He doesn't need all those books. I don't need all my clothes. We both have more than is necessary.
OP posts:
Alsohuman · 30/07/2020 16:51

Oh for goodness sake! Just go and buy another chest of drawers. I bought two new bedside tables with three drawers in each last month. There wasn’t even a discussion, I just told him I’d bought them and when they were being delivered.

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 16:53

@TeacupDrama

I think it depends on numbers books do not occupy the same amount of space as clothes 100 books is not the same as 100 pairs of shoes what is important and fair is that you both have a similar amount of storage space if he wants more books and less clothes and you want less books and more clothes fine but if he has 2 narrow bookcases and half a wardrobe and 1 drawer and you have 2 double wardrobes and 2 chest of drawers plus stuff in laundry etc he has a point, if he had 3 walls lined with book shelves floor to ceiling and 2000 books and was complaining because you had 10 pairs of trousers then he would be unreasonable
Fair point, well made.
OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/07/2020 16:59

Do you wear all of the clothes?

Does he reread all of the books?

I need to do a clear out of books because I’m out of shelf space so will get rid of the ones I won’t read again.

Most people wear the same few outfits so I am sure you could also thin out the clothes to what is actually going to be worn!

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 16:59

Thank you so much to all. Very interesting so far. It looks like a divisive matter with me being put in the unreasonable bracket by about 50%.

Definitely this has opened my eyes to books being considered more sentimental than clothing by many of you.

I think I will get off my high horse about the bookshelf is the same as the drawers argument!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/07/2020 16:59

@Bella2020

He could download all his books on to a Kindle.....
I was going to say the same and add that you can’t do that with clothes.

If he is forcing you to give away your things against your will, this is bullying. Especially if you’re not hoarding.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/07/2020 17:00

Cross post. No don’t get off your high horse. I have clothes, which are decades old.

Zilla1 · 30/07/2020 17:00

'more books than necessary' - again OP, I don't understand, unless he has many copies of a single book. I presume 'non-book people' have a different understanding of books.

Sirzy · 30/07/2020 17:01

Kindles are not the same as a physical book though!

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 17:03

@Zilla1

'more books than necessary' - again OP, I don't understand, unless he has many copies of a single book. I presume 'non-book people' have a different understanding of books.
Yes I think as a 'non-book person' we have a different understanding. But I take your point.
OP posts:
Zilla1 · 30/07/2020 17:04

Sirzy, couldn't agree more. I notice my recall and speed of reading are both reduced. The haptic element of book reading is essential. ebooks are like wearing photographs of clothing.