AIBU - Books VS Clothes

[GinaDoug]

Can you give your opinion to help settle an argument between my husband and I?

We have a chest of drawers in our bedroom, stuffed over capacity with my clothes. He complains daily and has rather frequently made me give away clothes. He's right - My clothing habit is annoying.

However, we also have a bookshelf, also too full and stuffed beyond capacity, filled with his books. I want him to give some away. He has refused up until today when he gave up 5 of his books.

He says it is not comparing like with like. His argument for keeping all his books is that it is not causing a problem and that he wants to keep them all. My argument for wanting my clothes is that I want to keep them all. He says it's not the same.

AIBU?

You can buy a chest of drawers from John Lewis and have it delivered fully assembled all ready to put things in the drawers. My husband isn’t a dick like yours and wouldn’t dare treat me like this so no bad blood would be involved.

He's quite judgemental & controlling, isn't he? Calling it your "clothing habit".

I have probably nearly 10,000 books so I'm not against books, but there's a certain level of equality here that your DH is not observing.

@GinaDoug

Appreciate all of the replies and I have really listened to all the points being made.

One thing I will say - those of you that have suggested just going out and buying another set of drawers or more storage ... I would be alone going out and lets say, trying to wrangle heavy flat pack furniture into the car, alone in having to build, and the whole thing would cause such a lot of fighting and bad blood. Would this not happen to any of you if you did something your partner was dead set against?

Only if the partner is horrible.

What is important is that one person doesn't see their choice of possessions over and above the minimum as more important than another person's free choice. Also if your choices are very bulky you can't have as many; an extreme example would be someone with 3 racing bicycles or kayaks saying it was equivalent to 3 violins or owl ornaments

I do not think it is necessarily that DH has too many books; OP said 1 bookcase, now 1 bookcase in a house is a reasonable amount of books 2 bookcases may also be reasonable it depends on the size of house, if they live in a 3 bed semi 1 bookcase in living room and one elsewhere would be reasonable but 5-6 bookcases or 3 big wardrobes would be would not be generally reasonable unless you live in a house big enough for separate library or study or dressing room

Reasonable storage for clothes for 1 person I would say is the equivalent to a double wardrobe ( maybe triple wardrobe if work requires many different clothes ie business suits evening wear) and a chest of drawers and storage for shoes

if you live in a very small space everyone has to cut possesions so you may have to share a double wardrobe and chest of drawers and have 1 bookcase between you

if you live in a large house you get more storage both of you

if you have 2 double wardrobes and 2 chest of drawers of clothes and he has a single wardrobe and 1 drawer but 2 bookcases his storage space occupis much less space than yours and it would not be fair to insist he got rid of 5 books for 5 t shirts

Can your house realistically fit more storage ?

only you know OP ( deep down) whether his books occupy more space than your extra clothes , or whether you are saying about books as it is his thing against your thing when you know you have the lions share of space or whether storage is fairly divided? if you got an extra set of drawers could he get an extra bookcase? or would that make house too cramped

You don't seem to like each other very much.

I think the difference is my partner wouldn't unilaterally decide something for both of us without discussing it and us coming to a joint compromise though. It wouldn't ever occur to me that spending money on a chest of drawers would be something that he would kick off about unless it was a solid wood very expensive kind.

I probably out of respect for our shared space wouldn't just buy it without mentioning it but I wouldn't expect to need permission either!

Having been in an abusive relationship before though I remember that partner would have exploded about it not because he cared but because he hadn't controlled it and how dare I have independent thought and freedom of choice.

No though it wouldn't cause fighting and bad blood because he knows as I do that he or I has no right to dictate to the other!

Examples
He wanted a new tv (that supported 4K), I didn't think we needed one but I said as long as he finds someone to take the old one or donate/sell it and it didn't affect money needed for other things then fine.
I wanted more books he thought I shouldnt but also thought I should get rid of some as we didn't have space for the ones I had, I compromised and said I would buy a smaller bookcase and try to be selective about the Ones I keep from now on and be proactive about donating ones that don't "matter" so much to me or that I knew I'd likely not read again when new books come into the house.

He wanted to keep the two fish tanks we already have but add another big one and build a stand to hold them all. I said it's too much work keeping so many tanks and I don't want a wall of them, we compromised that he can replace the two we have with a bigger 4foot tank which opens up keeping more fish or more complex breeds but not have all three. (Not done yet but he is researching)

I wanted to replace the hall carpet with vinyl or laminated floor or something as it easier to clean, he thought we didn't need to and thought it would make the hall feel cold, I compromised that if I could find a cheaper off cut we could lay it ourselves and I'd get a rug so it doesn't feel so cold. I found an off cut for about 60 inc delivery, and found a cheap hall runnerrug for than a tenner I love my new hall floor

The link I listed in the previous post is delivered to your house so no car needed and I built it myself, the doors were a bit tricky but I did it because I had to put them on once it was in place (and the bed was a bit in the way) as it would have been too heavy to lift it but I managed.

K- well he's not horrible. And as I've said, we adore each other.

I have pushed decisions through before. Extra storage for the kids area, Improving under the stairs storage. Extra play space out the back for the kids. But I have been the one to nag and nag about this until I finally just go ahead and get it done myself.

All of these changes have really improved the house and the storage situation. And he admits this is the case.

I guess he's not comfortable with change and/or spending money.

Treat yourself as well as you treat your DC, then.

You may not think he's horrible, but he's coming across that way...

It sounds like you like your clothes and wear them all. In which case, don't think of it as having more than you need: the more you have the longer they all last, because you're wearing each one less often than you would if you had fewer.

Having lots of clothes makes me happy. I have a large chest of drawers, 2 wardrobes, and all the storage space under the bed for my clothes.

Just get another set of drawers. Why does he get to decide you can't? If you use the clothes and they make you happy, and you have space for more drawers then just do it!