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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Books VS Clothes

109 replies

GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 15:17

Can you give your opinion to help settle an argument between my husband and I?

We have a chest of drawers in our bedroom, stuffed over capacity with my clothes. He complains daily and has rather frequently made me give away clothes. He's right - My clothing habit is annoying.

However, we also have a bookshelf, also too full and stuffed beyond capacity, filled with his books. I want him to give some away. He has refused up until today when he gave up 5 of his books.

He says it is not comparing like with like. His argument for keeping all his books is that it is not causing a problem and that he wants to keep them all. My argument for wanting my clothes is that I want to keep them all. He says it's not the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/07/2020 17:04

Zilla
The same could be said about non clothes people. I used to love books btw. My favourite bookshop in France, long since gone, which wrapped your book like a present. Divine. I’m not well enough to appreciate books n the same way anymore. But I feel the same way about some of my clothes.

Greenpestopasta · 30/07/2020 17:05

I would choose books over clothes any day, but at the same time, unless your chest of drawers is unusually big, I think he's being unreasonable. DH and I share an average sized stand alone wardrobe and an average sized chest of drawers - and we are two people who dress fairly basically and declutter frequently. Still, we need the space for hanging up shirts and dresses, folding winter jumpers and jeans, a drawer is then needed for leggings, socks and underwear... You get the idea. So if you only have one chest of drawers then YANBU and should simply buy a bigger one. If you have taken over the room with masses of drawers and wardrobes stuffed to bursting with your clothes then YABU and need to declutter

Zilla1 · 30/07/2020 17:06

Mummy, I'm sure they could in response to my tongue-in-cheek posts.

RealHousewivesLover · 30/07/2020 17:09

I think if you both adore each other, then that’s all that matters and these little things will work themselves out. By the sounds of it he loves you very much

Couchbettato · 30/07/2020 17:11

I think if you can't shut your drawers, and you have a lot of clothes, there's probably stuff you've not wore for 12 months in there and in our house, if it's not been worn in a year then it goes.

There's got to be compromise. Having lots of clothes isn't a problem until they make everything messy, and you have no where to put them. Then it's a problem and it needs addressing.

Personally I think your husband has a valid point. You already know you have enough clothes, you've admitted you've got too many. You could get more storage but what then? What about when they become overfilled, hard to close and you've literally got stuff you haven't seen for a while? What about all of the laundry that comes with it? Are clothes more important than making sure you are both stress free?

He's going about it all wrong, but I see his point entirely.

MulberryPeony · 30/07/2020 17:11

@GinaDoug it stands for Leave The Bastard Wink

I’ve just suggested to DH that he should put his books in the study (currently his entire teen/early 20s collection that he intends to reread when he retires resides in the loft) now we’ve move out some kiddie crap recently. All my books are on kindle. I have less than half a dozen proper books but hundreds electronically that I will probably never get around to rereading anyway. Always too little time and too many shiny new releases I must read! Clothes on the other hand definitely need a cull.

SantaClaritaDiet · 30/07/2020 17:12

I have more than I need

it's not about what you need, it's about what you wear!
Are you using all your clothes? Then you should keep them

Are you forgetting about half of what you have, or keeping half for "best", or worst have items in the wrong size? Then it's clutter.

It's a little bit the same with books. If you struggle to finish a book and find it especially boring, there's no point keeping it. If you are going to read it again at some point at all, then keep.

I hate clutter, but I love clothes and books Grin

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 17:13

@RealHousewivesLover

I think if you both adore each other, then that’s all that matters and these little things will work themselves out. By the sounds of it he loves you very much
Dat you, babe?
OP posts:
SantaClaritaDiet · 30/07/2020 17:14

He could download all his books on to a Kindle....

I have one, but it really is not the same at all!

SimonJT · 30/07/2020 17:15

@Bella2020

He could download all his books on to a Kindle.....
That would be very costly!
stoneysongs · 30/07/2020 17:23

Tis a sin and a crime to give away books.

I think the opposite - if a book isn't going to be (re)read and doesn't have great sentimental value then the best thing is to give it away to someone who will read it. Don't get the books as ornaments thing, get rid, get new books!

MinorArcana · 30/07/2020 17:26

I definitely love books more than clothes.

How much of a problem do your clothes cause your DH? Are they spilling into his drawers, or making it difficult for him to get at his clothes?
If you’re sharing the clothes storage space then I can see how it would annoy him if your drawers are over full, that sounds more intrusive to me than someone else’s overfilled bookshelves.
(Although if it’s a shared bookshelf with your books on as well, you’ve got more of a point about wanting his to get rid of some of his books.)

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 17:29

@MinorArcana

I definitely love books more than clothes.

How much of a problem do your clothes cause your DH? Are they spilling into his drawers, or making it difficult for him to get at his clothes?
If you’re sharing the clothes storage space then I can see how it would annoy him if your drawers are over full, that sounds more intrusive to me than someone else’s overfilled bookshelves.
(Although if it’s a shared bookshelf with your books on as well, you’ve got more of a point about wanting his to get rid of some of his books.)

They are. He doesn't have very many clothes and therefore only a drawer. But mine spill in to his and I'm very untidy. Basically I am a very annoying person to live with, so I can totally see why it annoys him.
OP posts:
MinorArcana · 30/07/2020 17:43

Would there be any room anywhere for separate drawers for your DH then?

If your clothes couldn’t spill into his then it might help matters?

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 17:46

There is room, @minorarcana but DH doesn't want another chest of drawers or any more storage because he says I will just fill that up too. He wants me just to get rid of lots of my clothes.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/07/2020 17:53

@GinaDoug

There is room, *@minorarcana* but DH doesn't want another chest of drawers or any more storage because he says I will just fill that up too. He wants me just to get rid of lots of my clothes.
How many of them do you actually wear?
nocoolnamesleft · 30/07/2020 18:06

It sounds like you don't have enough bookshelves. My house is mainly decorated in book shelves. Bliss.

FlamedToACrisp · 30/07/2020 18:14

There is a difference here, though. If your DH wants to read, say, Lord of the Rings, then another book won't do instead. Obviously, if you were away on holiday and the urge to read LOTR came over him, he'd just have to be disappointed and read something else. But the idea of keeping books in a bookcase in your house is so you don't have to be disappointed when you get the urge to read an old favourite. It's reasonable to ask him to consider getting rid of double copies of the same book, and books he knows he won't re-read, but it has to be his choice, and saying, "Well, what about all your books, then?" isn't a fair comparison.

In the same way, he needs to understand that you don't just store clothes in your room so you don't have to go outdoors naked. If you want to wear your red top today, there isn't any really good reason why you shouldn't have it available. Yes, if you have three red tops, all remarkably similar, you might feel able to let two of them go, but he has to leave that decision to you.

It's reasonable to ask; it's not reasonable to demand.

We are lucky that our incomes permit us to own things just because we want them and not because we need them. Maybe this is a good opportunity to think about how many clothes you really need and whether you truly want all the rest of them as well. And at what point will YOU feel you have too many?

EmmaJR1 · 30/07/2020 18:15

Get better storage! Clothes and books bring happiness. Why "make" anyone give away stuff that makes them happy?

SheWranglesRugRats · 30/07/2020 19:02

I’m a book person. I store my tens of thousands of books in a handy offsite storage facility called a library.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/07/2020 19:09

Love a good book, kindles aren’t the same- but I don’t re-read books, so I read- I get rid

MinorArcana · 30/07/2020 19:11

DH doesn't want another chest of drawers or any more storage because he says I will just fill that up too.

Not even if it was one just for his clothes, and completely off-limits for you?

Original poster
GinaDoug · 30/07/2020 19:17

@MinorArcana

DH doesn't want another chest of drawers or any more storage because he says I will just fill that up too.

Not even if it was one just for his clothes, and completely off-limits for you?

It's a great idea. And I've suggested it for 10 years. But can't agree. There are other decisions I'll push for and just go ahead with. But this one I never have.
OP posts:
RealHousewivesLover · 30/07/2020 19:21

I think your DH Sounds like a controlling narcissistic man. LTB

Alsohuman · 30/07/2020 19:23

And I've suggested it for 10 years. But can't agree

There wouldn’t be any discussion in this house. I can’t believe women allow themselves to be dictated to like this.

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