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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD Sisters wedding

140 replies

Monkeymilkshake · 30/07/2020 12:45

Hello,
Asking for some advice as i am torn between 2 options.
My sister is getting married in France in a couple of weeks. We dont know if we should go or not. I really really want to be there for my sister and see her get married but...
We would need to cross the country as the wedding is taking place in south of France (think 9hr + by car, no airport nearby).
We would be travelling with 2 DC (under 4yo).
Restrictions means we would have to wear masks for ceremony but not for reception. There will be around 200 guests at the wedding. Being in a close room with so many people panicks me.
I should also say, we are all fit and healthy (no one shielding etc).

What would you do?
Yabu: it's your sisters wedding. Go go go
Yanbu: there is a pandemic dontcha know. Stay at home.

OP posts:
Shortfeet · 30/07/2020 18:34

My friend’s son who is a healthy 30 year old caught COVID 19 last week in France

totallyyesno · 30/07/2020 18:34

Surely motorway services are open?

ddl1 · 30/07/2020 18:38

I wouldn't risk it myself; not with 200 guests at the wedding. That's how infections spread. Also, I wouldn't want to risk suddenly having to spend 2 weeks in quarantine in another country, especially with two small children. Could you perhaps make some sort of speech for her wedding on Zoom or similar?

WildfirePonie · 30/07/2020 18:44

No way, not with two under 4s for a 9 hour + drive!

Atla · 30/07/2020 18:53

We are in a similar position - BIL and his fiancee are going ahead with a big wedding in another European country in the autumn. Involving a long flight and a long cross-country drive/train journey. Our solution has unfortunately been that dh will go alone.

We couldn't afford to lose the money if we were unable to travel for whatever reason and the thought of the journey in current circumstances with 3 small kids is not appealing.

Dh actually has some risk factors for covid, but doesn't want to miss his brother's wedding, which I understand. Case numbers in the country in question are low, at the moment but who knows where we'll be in a few weeks time.

Humphriescushion · 30/07/2020 19:05

I thought that groups of more than 10 in a public place were not allowed. Also there have been many clusters from similar events and they have caused problems. Cases have been rising for the last three weeks in France and i am very suprised that the uk government has or is not on the verge of announcing quarantine for those coming from
France.. Seems reckless if they are having 200 in a room to say the least.

ZoeCM · 30/07/2020 19:18

I think this is one of the (very) few situations in which I would consider it acceptable not to attend a sibling's wedding.

Cam77 · 30/07/2020 19:19

If she’s only going ahead cos she can’t get refunded I’d consider going - alone. I wouldn’t be happy about it.
If she’s going ahead in any other circumstances I wouldn’t go.

ScrapThatThen · 30/07/2020 19:34

I think if you have warned her in advance, then going just for the ceremony (all the effort and none of the gain) would be very nice of you and hard for her to complain about. I am cautious about taking my family to a gathering of 30, or going in a restaurant at the moment. It's not unreasonable. Tough one though.

GnomeDePlume · 31/07/2020 06:42

I wouldnt go. Special events IMO are the bigger risk. People think 'I'm feeling a bit poorly but I have to go as it's a wedding'

People think they are being 'brave' to rise up from their sick bed and 'make the effort' to go to XYZ's special event. So off they go with whatever illness they have and spread it to friends and family.

Greenhats10 · 31/07/2020 11:25

@Monkeymilkshake - I've got the same dilemma - not 200 people but still. My current plan is to see how things are in August and go on my own for the day if cases are particularly high. It's easier in our case as the wedding is in the UK, but I won't be taking DC if the cases keep going up.

My personal concern is my parents as they are quite elderly and I am not too pleased about them getting the train etc (neither drives so thats not an option). But they are also her parents so i guess it's her call.....

but in the ideal world they would postpone it until next year but its not up to me

eatsleepread · 31/07/2020 12:46

@1forAll74

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

RandomMess · 31/07/2020 13:20

With what is going on in the UK I wouldn't go. It's a lot for an hour or so and exposing your DC etc.

Sad
JingsMahBucket · 31/07/2020 13:20

[quote Monkeymilkshake]@Jingsmahbucket there is an airport 4hrs drive away. Might look into that. And good idea about kids and dh staying at hotel. So obvious but didnt think of it! Thanks!

@purpleartichoke i am worried about no service station / having to stay in the car not being able to go for a wonder around when we stop.[/quote]
@Monkeymilkshake you’re very welcome, glad it was helpful! When you return to the hotel after the ceremony, I’d have a full decontamination. Clothes off, immediate shower. Then you can have dinner with your family whether in the hotel room like a floor picnic or down in the hotel restaurant, etc. And show them pictures you’ve taken from the wedding. It could be really fun. Good luck!

Original poster
Monkeymilkshake · 06/08/2020 12:14

Just in case anybody is curious, we decided not to go at all. My lovely sister will get married on friday without me.
I never ever thought i would miss her wedding but in the end we decided the risk of getting ill, being quarantined, being really stressed out about it .... it was just too much. Thanks again to everybody that commented. X

OP posts:
Hoggleludo · 06/08/2020 12:20

Nope nope nope

There’s no way I’d do a car journey with my kids for over 9 hours. No way.

Plus there’s a pandemic. So wouldn’t be in w room with 200+ people

It’s your choice. But even if it was my mother. I wouldn’t go. Nor would she expect me too

AntiAuntieAnty · 06/08/2020 14:17

@Monkeymilkshake

Just in case anybody is curious, we decided not to go at all. My lovely sister will get married on friday without me. I never ever thought i would miss her wedding but in the end we decided the risk of getting ill, being quarantined, being really stressed out about it .... it was just too much. Thanks again to everybody that commented. X
Sorry to read you are missing the wedding op, but tbh, I would definitely not have gone either! Can't believe it is going ahead tbh, but hope it goes well for your sister and her stb DH.
ConkerGame · 06/08/2020 14:28

I would plan to go in your situation. It’s your sister! I’ve recently had to postpone my wedding and it was heartbreaking and tricky to do, what with lining up everyone’s dates etc, losing money etc, so I’m not that surprised that she’s going ahead with it if it’s allowed in France.

If the rules suddenly change and you can’t get there then so be it. But at least you’ll have tried and she’ll know there’s nothing you could have done.

Could be a good idea to keep hubby and the kids in the hotel (Or at least for the reception) if you’re worried about them.

Also I really don’t think there’s anywhere in the south of France that is 9 hours away from any airports. I would look again for closer airports if I were you!

ConkerGame · 06/08/2020 14:28

Oh no, just saw your update. Really hope she forgives you, I wouldn’t I’m afraid!

Rainbowshine · 06/08/2020 14:32

@Monkeymilkshake thanks for the update, you have made a good decision for your family, no one else can judge for you as everyone has their own perspective on the risk of going. I hope your sister is being understanding and realises that weddings in the current situation are not going to be the event she may have wanted.

AntiAuntieAnty · 06/08/2020 14:34

@ConkerGame

Oh no, just saw your update. Really hope she forgives you, I wouldn’t I’m afraid!
Hmm ugh do one.
ClaraLane · 06/08/2020 14:41

@ConkerGame

Oh no, just saw your update. Really hope she forgives you, I wouldn’t I’m afraid!
Well you’re a delight aren’t you.
AdoreTheBeach · 06/08/2020 14:46

Yes, I would go.

I’d plan to rent a gite nearby and arrive day before and plan to stay for a few days to make a sedate holiday break of it. Not sure I’d actually go into the church. I’d pretty much try to persuade my sister to have an outdoor wedding and if not successful, I’d stand at the back of the church by the doors and explain why (as surely sister is aware of pandemic).

I’d be socially distancing during the reception and again, try to persuade sister to have outdoor and comply with social distancing as much as possible, extra cleaning going in at loos, lots of hand gel around.

I’d leave it up to DH is he wanted to attend ceremony and / or reception or stay back at the gite with the kids.

One would think those vulnerable wouldn’t be in attendance and your sister should ask those who feel unwell or just have been d loss to stay away and she should not be upset if people don’t come because if it.

I have only one sister. I did miss her (second) wedding and to this day feel very sad about that.

Throckmorton · 06/08/2020 14:52

@ConkerGame

Oh no, just saw your update. Really hope she forgives you, I wouldn’t I’m afraid!
Charming! God forbid the OP make a decision based on concerns for the health of her family!
AntiAuntieAnty · 06/08/2020 14:59

If my sister made comments like Conker, I'd be dying to give her a reason to stop talking to me. Blessing in disguise. I assume the OP's sister is a half decent person though so...probably be fine.

As pps have said, it's to be expected at the moment unfortunately. Trying to have a large wedding in a fairly remote part of another country to some of your guests, in the middle of a pandemic, you are going to have a good few people who can't make it or who just don't want to come. Not rocket science is it?