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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD Sisters wedding

140 replies

Monkeymilkshake · 30/07/2020 12:45

Hello,
Asking for some advice as i am torn between 2 options.
My sister is getting married in France in a couple of weeks. We dont know if we should go or not. I really really want to be there for my sister and see her get married but...
We would need to cross the country as the wedding is taking place in south of France (think 9hr + by car, no airport nearby).
We would be travelling with 2 DC (under 4yo).
Restrictions means we would have to wear masks for ceremony but not for reception. There will be around 200 guests at the wedding. Being in a close room with so many people panicks me.
I should also say, we are all fit and healthy (no one shielding etc).

What would you do?
Yabu: it's your sisters wedding. Go go go
Yanbu: there is a pandemic dontcha know. Stay at home.

OP posts:
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 30/07/2020 13:54

Are you allowed to have 200 guests at a wedding?

notalwaysalondoner · 30/07/2020 13:56

I’d go. The drive with small DC is unrelated to Covid so would have happened either way. Statistically you’re unlikely to catch it.

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 30/07/2020 13:56

Are 200 people weddings actually allowed in France right now anyway? I’m quite surprised by that.

chatterbugmegastar · 30/07/2020 13:57

Gosh. I think she's a bit bonkers to be going ahead with the wedding right now.

If you feel you have to go, go alone and if you find distancing difficult when there, leave after the ceremony

HollowTalk · 30/07/2020 13:58

Is she really allowed to have 200 guests?

Brefugee · 30/07/2020 13:59

And so what if she lives there. Pretty selfish to still go on with a 200 guest wedding.

meh - if that's what France is allowing? In Germany it's 150 guests - and people are asked to think about social distancing and the implications of going if they have vulnerable people in their household or they have a lot of contact with the public.

Looking at the rough stats on the Worldometer it looks as though France is currently in a better situation than the UK in terms of daily deaths, but there is an upward trend in new cases.

FWIW - we used to drive to UK quite often from Germany with small DC (admittedly pre-covid) and if you make a fair few stops, and leave very early in the morning/late at night so they sleep a good portion it's not too bad (especially if you can share the driving). We used to do turn and turn about 2 hour-ish stints.

Lindy2 · 30/07/2020 14:00

Is France actually allowing large indoor gatherings right now? Cases in France are rising at the moment so the risk is definitely still there.

Personally I wouldn't be anywhere near a large group in any country. Not even outdoors. There's a global pandemic happening.

The journey sounds awful too. I think your sister and her fiance are somewhat crazy to be going ahead with this.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 30/07/2020 14:02

I only asked if she lives there because if she doesn't then she won't be 'getting married' there, she'll be having a fake ceremony having likely got a reggie office wedding in the UK. In which case, go to the reggie office wedding and not France.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 30/07/2020 14:03

If quarantine rules change can you cope at home or would it mean time off work and a financial hit etc? I think that makes a difference.
Have travel plans had to change or was it always going to be a long drive? If you've had to change plans eg flights you were planning have been cancelled which means a longer drive then I think you're ok to say no, but if it was always a long drive I don't think you can say no because of that now. No way I'd agree to drive that far with mine but thet are awful in the car.

LemonBreeland · 30/07/2020 14:10

I wouldn't go. I would not be comfortable in a large group like that right now. It also sounds like an awful journey anyway.

Sunshineandflipflops · 30/07/2020 14:11

I wouldn't be going at the moment, no.

As for the journey though, me and my ex husband took our kids to the south of France most summers and it was fine. We always had an overnight stay to break up the journey and made it part of the holiday. There must be an airport closer than travelling for 9 hours though - We have flown to Perpignan before and hired a car but I actually prefer to drive.

Callico · 30/07/2020 14:11

I’d be quite torn in your circumstances op. But I wonder if it will still be going ahead with regards to the rise in cases across Europe. Maybe travel alone if it does?

@1forAll74 Flowers

pussycatinboots · 30/07/2020 14:15

YANBU
Chances are the travel restrictions will alter by then.
I'd let her know now that it's not going to happen - 9+ hrs in a car with 2 under 4, just No.

Chewbecca · 30/07/2020 14:15

What are the rules on large indoor gatherings in France now?

User50000999788887876655 · 30/07/2020 14:16

You’re not shielding or vulnerable of course you should go. It’s your sisters wedding.

JingsMahBucket · 30/07/2020 14:18

@Monkeymilkshake I would go alone and leave your family at home. Then when you’re there, just do the ceremony and pictures. Then I would hightail it back to your hotel room. 200 people? No fucking way. Is she sure 200 people are even going to attend?

JacquelineLadyBugg · 30/07/2020 14:20

I don't think I would go tbh...but it is a very tough one! Not being harsh, but it might depend a bit, how much I liked / how close I was to my sister. There are sisterly relationships and sisterly relationships. Also, I imagine my sister would tell me not to come in those circumstances, (she'sa doctor though and quite cautious). What has your sister said?

diddl · 30/07/2020 14:22

200 guests?

No way!

SantaClaritaDiet · 30/07/2020 14:24

The actual wedding ceremony will be limited to a maximum of 30 people

It's less clear about the reception, but the place must be huge as social distancing rules are still expected! Some areas still limit the number of guests to 30 anyway.

SantaClaritaDiet · 30/07/2020 14:25

Maybe she lives there.

as you can't legally get married in France without being a resident, either the bride or the groom must live there.

paap1975 · 30/07/2020 14:35

Have you looked into the ferry to Santander? Dpending on where the wedding is it would reduce driving time. I travelled to the other side of the world for my sister's wedding, but it depends if you are close or not. Maybe just go on your own?

Original poster
Monkeymilkshake · 30/07/2020 14:42

1forAll74 - so sorry for your sister. x

Thank you everybody for replying.
The drive is not so much of an issue as we have done it before but it was pre covid where it was ok to stop at service stations and have a coffee. not sure we'd want to do that now.
Yes, it is possible to have big gatherings in france as long as it is in private places (As in the reception venue has been booked for a private event so it's ok). That's what i have been told.

I did think of going myself but baby is still breastfed so would have to take him with me etc.

Apparently most guests are going but if i'm honest i think closer to the day they might get some cancellations. and yes they do live in France, the groom is french.
Honestly, it is my sister and i love her but i do think she is a bit crazy to go ahead with the wedding. she is just really excited and in love. but if it was me i would have postponed it. Then again i only had 17 people at my wedding!
It's such a hard one.
Thank you again for everybody giving there opinion it is very helpful to know what others would do and having new ideas.

OP posts:
totallyyesno · 30/07/2020 14:45

I would probably go but as you are driving, you don't need to book anything in advance so you can see how it pans out in the next couple of weeks.

Happynow001 · 30/07/2020 14:50

I think, OP, if you are going to decline you need to do so sooner rather than later so you are not in the midst/tail end of people having second thoughts as the date gets nearer...

cansu · 30/07/2020 14:51

Why not go on your own? Could you fly or train to nearest place and be picked up from there by sister?